Unsure, or in denial.

[Muddy]

I guess the title says it all...
I wish there was a blood test or a questionaire I could take, to know what I am.

I was born 25 years ago with a female body.
My whole life, I have felt awkward and uncomfortable in this body.  As a child, I was very "tomboyish" as the phrase goes.  I always fatasized about being male.  I rejected Barbies in favor of GI Joes.

I hate this body.  I feel male.  I guess I am a gay man stuck in a woman's body.

I think I am really a man- but how do you know?

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Muddy,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2230 strong.  That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html
• Standard Terms and Definitions https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html
• Post Ranks https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.

And get yourself a gender therapist, first thing.  They do help with a multitude of issues.

Janet

[myles]

Welcome to Susans. Lots of great people here take a look around and enjoy your stay. Look forward to sseeing you in the forums.
Myles

[Muddy]

So far, so good.

I've been enjoying the wealth of info, and the sheer volume of personal testimony (probably not the best word... Oh well.)

[Osiris]

Welcome aboard, Muddy. I can understand your situation and wondering if it's all in your head or not. Unfortunately, you're the only person who can figure out if transition is right for you. But I'll agree with Janet, a gender therapist would be helpful in figuring this out.

Also be sure to check out the FtM section on the boards. There are a lot of guys around who can help offer their experiences and advice.

See you around!

[Muddy]

Things are complicated...  (I know, when are they not, right?)
I'm in the Army.  If they found out...

I will see what I can find, though.  Perhaps something in another city.

[Arch]

The Army, that's rough. How long do you plan to stay in?

I decided I was transsexual last summer, in July. But I wasn't one hundred percent sure until I'd been seeing a gender therapist for a few months. He's awesome and has helped me a lot. With that said, he did not diagnose me. He let me come to my own conclusions. But without him, I'd still be spinning my wheels and talking in a Mickey Mouse voice (well, I never talked that high, but you get the picture).

Sounds like a good gender therapist would be invaluable to you, too.

[Muddy]

Honestly, I'd like to finish the next 13 years and retire.
I love what I do, and it has given me a wonderful opportunity to revel in masculinity without being viewed as too terribly abnormal.

I can honestly say, at least at this point, that I am willing to trade openness for my career- until such time as I can retire, or the military pulls it's head out of it's collective posterior.

Add to that being married (no, he doesn't know... Yet), and the mother (urg... Gag!) of a wonderful little boy, and yeah...  I'm more or less stuck.

I think a therapist is a wise first step, though.
Just being able to admit to myself what I've always known, that somehow I ended up in the wrong body...  Feels pretty major.  Honestly, like a major weight is off my shoulders.

[Cindy]

Hi Muddy
Hang in there dude. There have been several FtM mums on the site. Life isn't hopeless just difficult

LoL
Cindy James

[K8]

Welcome.  I hope your explorations go well.  Being able to talk to someone would help.  It doesn't necessarily have to be a gender therapist. 

I was in the US military for a career (3 yrs Army, 21 yrs CG), and I don't remember the ins and outs of counseling confidentiality in the military.  The military counselors have an obligation for patient confidentiality, but they are also military.  I don't remember how they balance that.  If you can, you might try finding a non-military counselor just to get started.  (You don't need to keep the same one forever.)

This forum is a good place to explore a bit of who you are.  It's terrible thinking you're the only weird person in the world who doesn't fit the world's stereotype of what they see when they look at you.

Be all you can be.  (Isn't that an old Army ad slogan?)

- Kate