sometimes i do ponder whats worse

[jonjon]

living a lie and being totally unaware that help is out there...

Or knowing who you really are, knowing that the help out there is beyond reach.

I was happy when i was oblivious. Now i feel like a messed up wreck with no true belonging, stripped of all recognition to my own self and having to rely on the government to help me find my true self... Like there's any ounce of hope in that.

I dont feel like anybody. I dont feel like any gender. I've completely lost my image and i feel like someone when i have an image. I cant have an image right now because the person i am is trapped in a dispensary somewhere in a bottle of T.

I keep feeling crappy and crappy as days go by and all i can do is sit in the hands of government funding that aren't in any rush to help me because i'm not important enough.

I'm beginning to feel like i cant do it anymore. And i dont know what that means.

[miniangel]

Jonjon, I can't begin to know how your are feeling right now but I can offer you some support, if only in the form of some well-meant words.

You know who you really are -- that's a great step on the road to being who you really are, day-to-day. This situation you're in right now will not last forever; it's just a step on your journey. And you are with friends here. I've no doubt you'll find enough support and love to get you through this bad patch.

Just hang in there, and know that people love and care about you -- even if they've never met you.

- Minnie

[Ms.Behavin]

I know that for me early on there was a time when I did not feel guy or girl.  sort of the twilight zone of transition.  It did go away along with most of the guy.  So Maybe it's just progress on your part as the body (and Mind) changes gears.  Yes it was sort of sucky too.

One thing I did was to sort of ponder the changes in myself from week to week, How I felt, what felt differnet, what was weird and what was good.

It's not easy but try to hold on and focus some on the fact that you are changeing.  It's a maddening slow process it seems then one day you look in the mirror and go who is THAT. Oh just me.

Take care,  We're all in this together.

Beni

[sneakersjay]

I wasn't happy when I was oblivious; just didn't know why I felt so disconnected and stressed.  It all went away when I transitioned.  Well, after the stressful parts like coming out!


Jay