Torn

[emoboi]

Well tomorow i see my therapist and im gunna tell her what im going through and its scary because i dont know whats going to happen, its a fight every day to just eat and im so tired of it and even im a failure at that because im skinny enough but i dont know if im ready to give it up dont know if i will ever be because if i get better i wont be skinny its like i dont even know what i want

[Ms.Behavin]

Hugs Emoboi,

You know I'm 53 and I'm only now figuring out what I want and who I am.  Talk to your therapist.  Also try to eat.... some a little, one piece at a time.

Hang in there and never give up.  It's so very hard sometimes.  I know I've been there and there are times not all that long ago when I though I would not make it.  But I did survived.  It's hard to be oneself.  Be who you want to be, what ever that is and never look back.. Ok you can look back a little too. 

If you need to talk chat scream.  we here to listen.

Take care

Beni

[kody2011]

hey there emoboi...talk it through...scream it if you have to. i know how hard it is to get through this mental fight of rather to eat or not. except in my case it's rather to cut or not. just keep talking with your therapist and know that we're all behind you on this. you can get through man!!!

[TamTam]

::hugs:: You can do it.  I know it's tough but you can do it.

[Radar]

I know how you feel. I'm going through so much mental and emotional turmoil right now I'm struggling hour by hour. It's become harder for me to sleep and I've lost my appetite.

It's just so overwhelming to me. How will I tell my husband and my family? How will they take it? What about work? Will they try to find a way to fire me? I already know how his family will take it so I'm ready for complete rejection there. It's just so scary and confusing. Then I think about the future surgeries and become overwhelmed and hopeless there. I see my psychologist- who has a specialty on transgender issues- on 14 May. I know that's only 2 weeks away, but it seems forever.

[emoboi]

hugs

[Jaimey]

Did everything go all right?

[emoboi]

no,  i need someone to tell for me because i just cant do it , now im mad at myself for being so stupid i cant even tell someone when i need help

[Jaimey]

Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do, so don't beat yourself up.  Have you tried writing it down?  The biggest obstacle is to not think about the consequences of asking for help.  Just write down whatever you need to say, even if it doesn't make sense.  Then see if you can give that to your therapist.  It might be easier than saying it outloud.