To start with, it almost seems a bit surreal being back on this side of the introduction posts... so used to starting with:
Hi {fill in name here}, welcome to the forum!
etc... but i think this intro will be different than those I written in the past...
To start with I knew I was different since I could remember (at least age 5) and while I didnt know how to handle the overwhelming feelings I did my best to cope with a world I didnt understand. Been dressing since age 9, but by teen years dressing didnt help fill the empty feeling. Information was difficult to come by (late 70s, early 80s) and the best source of information was from a local rag only read by the hip, the outcasts and of anyone else who fell through the cracks.
Was out and about in my college years, but on a spiraling downward path. I thought I was not normal, damaged... there was little real information then, no internet, no guidance for hormones and told transitioning was done in far away places by backroom doctors. Bad experience with the wrong therapist telling me I was sick for dressing and feeling trapped in the wrong body lead to almost disasterous consequences.
Did the purge and decided to be "normal" (whatever that is). Finished school with an engineering degree, moved halfway across the country, got married and a job. That didnt last long, now divorced over 10 years with a teenage son who knows nothing of Stacy.
It was post divorce that I re-emerged again only stronger than ever. I knew I could not continue on status quo. It wasnt until a couple years ago that I discovered other forums, and found I was not alone. It helped me to finally come to grips with who I am, and have since been out again and told a few close friends. Also made quite a few more on the sites. But as the TG forums there crumbled it didnt take long to realize that I had outgrown these places... and again felt that same feeling of being on the outside. I had gone as far as I could there, and to continue to grow needed a change.
Was a goodbye post by one of the last remaining post-op members there that suggested this place... and so here I am. I already recognize more than a few members here, and likely they will recognize me. I dont know what the next leg of this journey holds in store... I hope to both find answers.. and equally important... be able to help others at the same time.
I can tell
Theres no more time left to criticize
Ive seen what I could not recognize
Everthing in my life was leading me on
But I can be strong-Stacy
