oh, help (please)

[rottingteeth]

(I wasn't sure where to post this...it's only somewhat related to my being ftm. so I don't know. if it'd fit better in another sub-forum, feel free to move it?)

about 6 months ago I fell MADLY, STUPIDLY in love with a boy. it was love at first sight, really. (and I guess I'm terribly romantic because I do believe in that).
he's EXACTLY my type, in everything important, and EVEN in looks (though I do think looks are important, I'm not so shallow to where I wouldn't date someone because I don't find them attractive).

[I'll try to keep this short as possible]

I finally worked up the nerve to talk to him, I was extremely nervous (I'd be surprised if I found he didn't notice I was shaking ;; ) I just asked if he'd like to hang out sometime..a little after that I told him I liked him, but he turned me down because I'm trans (he's gay of course). but, said he'd still like to be friends.

we did hang out, just once, went to have coffee on valentine's day..I'd got him a card but unfortunately didn't get it until a couple days later.

[it wasn't some stupid hallmark bullcrap either. it's neat, a little vintage card from 1939, exactly 70 yrs old, that read "can't you like someone like me? I hope so because I'd like to be your valentine" which I thought was perfect..]

well, I was never able to give it to him. I haven't seen him since. we texted some for awhile, but the last message was about 2 months ago.

I didn't really think about it for awhile, but recently, probably because of the novel I'm reading (great old romance published in 1919 called sweethearts unmet) I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me crazy.

it would be different if he'd said "I don't like you, don't talk to me anymore", then I'd just drop it and eventually get over it. but it's not like that. we were just starting to be friends, and I'd be fine with that, because I know that as long as we're hanging out and keeping in touch, there is at least a sliver of hope, at least I'd feel so.

it just drives me crazy that I wasn't never given a chance, a fair chance. I didn't even get to explain how deeply I feel for him, just said I liked him (my mistake :\).

now, he hasn't contacted me, but I think that is probably because (like me) he is awfully shy. I tend to not talk to people much, or keep friends, because I'm always afraid I'm annoying them, and I have this deep (very irrational) fear of people thinking I'm obsessive, so I think...better to have no friends than a bunch of people I've creeped out :\ it's stupid, I know, especially since I'm a very laid back person to hang out with, I listen well, and really I couldn't possibly be considered annoying (to most people at least).

ANYWAY, I just want to know

would it be terribly weird if I tried to get back in touch with him, now that a couple months have passed? I need to know soon because if I'm going to talk to him again I shouldn't put it off much longer.

like I said, I'm fine with being friends. if we started hanging out again maybe over time I'd have a chance to explain how much I feel for him and just how bad he BROKE MY HEART.
_____________

that's longer than I hoped but if you read all that I appreciate it, and I'd REALLY appreciate any thoughts. this is really just a social question. I never went to public school so I don't have much experience dealing with people. I just want to know if it'd be weird/awkward to try to get back in touch (after like 2 months), with someone you were starting to be friends with, particularly after telling them you like them :\

any thoughts?

[Vexing]

would it be terribly weird if I tried to get back in touch with him, now that a couple months have passed? I need to know soon because if I'm going to talk to him again I shouldn't put it off much longer.

Yes, it would be terribly weird, since this is your reason for wanting to get back in touch:

I'd have a chance to explain how much I feel for him and just how bad he BROKE MY HEART.

No-one want to know that they broke someone else's heart.
They especially don't want to be told by that someone.
Leave him be.
Move on and forget him; it's the healthy choice.

[Kayden]

The worst thing that could happen if you got back in touch with him is that he could say he didn't want to talk.  That kind of statement isn't really going to worsen your situation, so I say go for contacting him.

If he's really shy, he might not have many people to hang out with either (being any part of the LGBorT can be lonely).  Maybe he'll really appreciate the phone call.  You won't know until you try, will you?

[Osiris]

He might not be getting in contact with you because you came on too strong. He's already declined before, so if you're to have a shot with him you need to be friends first. Let him see past the label and then interest might grow, but that can be a bit of a long shot so I'd advise against getting in contact with him again if you're only hoping for a romantic relationship.

If being just friends isn't enough then just leave it be. If you are honestly willing to just be friends then get in contact with him.

[Steph]

He might not be getting in contact with you because you came on too strong. ...

Ooooor it could be because of the teeth especially if they are rotting.  Sorry I couldn't resist.

But on the serious side I do agree with Vexing, why lay the guilt trip on him that he broke your heart?

-={LR}=-

[Janet_Girl]

I went through a similar thing with a guy I work with.  Last Valentine's Day I gave him a "Thanks for bring my friend" type of card.  I put it on his windshield, so that it would not be a public thing.  He was the first person I came out to at work.

Well somehow he found out that I was attracted to him.  Girl talk, I guess.  So here I was waiting for some kind of reply.  I expected to get a "not very remotely interested" response.  But what I got blew me away.  I was called into the HR office and told that I had made his workplace feel hostile.  Hostile?  From a card?  And now he will not even talk or look at me.  And I am not allowed to talk to him.  WTF.

My point.  Move on and forget him.  I still see him every day and I wish we could talk this out.  But.......

If he cares for you, he will make a move to talk to you.  I figure this guy is Trans or Homophobic.  So I will never be able to tell him how sorry I am for making his world hostile.

Janet

[tekla]

No-one want to know that they broke someone else's heart.
They especially don't want to be told by that someone.

Really, if you had taken the hint to begin with, and not read an encyclopedia into every casual remark it might not have gone down like that. 

I remember a girl, way back when, who accused me of some such thing.  And I told her "I didn't break your heart, we never even dated, I didn't want to date you."  "And that broke my heart, and I need to know why."  "OK, because you wanted to have conversations like this all the time, and I never want to do it again in my life."

[Dennis]

I concur, you need to forget him. It's not comfortable for someone to be projected on like that, and to be told by someone you're not interested in that you broke their heart is creepy. If he's not into you, he's not into you. You gotta move on. And you need to deal with it. Not him. He's done nothing that necessitates his being brought into it.

Dennis

[Sophie90]

It may be worth contacting him again.

However, do not declare your undying love for him. That would be creepy. Initially just going with "I like you" is the right thing to do. Telling him the extent of what you actually feel straight away will just make him freak out. There's being honest, and then there's being over the top. It's a fine line.

If you do try to start things up, you could put yourself through it a bit... but if you don't try, you will never know what might have been...

[Miniar]

I have to start out with saying, I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't believe you "can" truly love a human being that you do not "Know". That's not to say your feelings aren't real, but that your love might not be fore who he really is, but what you believe you saw the moment you met him. And the truth is, first impressions are unreliable and often false. The man you fell for may never have existed.

It might be worth it to get back in touch, and get to know him as a person, as a friend, and allow him to get to know you, as a person, as a friend, and who knows, maybe when you actually know one another, you might start feeling something for one another, but that should never be something to strive for.
And don't tell him he broke your heart.
In all honesty, it's not his fault, he didn't "do" anything to break your heart.

[Jay]

Personally I would have never let this much time pass. I think its worth it re-contacting him see if he is up with meeting or something.

But do not tell him how he broke your heart no one wants to hear that.

Let us know how it goes.

Jay

[icontact]

It's really not that hard. Just hit him up on facebook or something impersonal and run off something like hey, we haven't talked in a while, what's happening?

[Silver]

He doesn't like you like that. Perhaps he was being kind that Valentine's day. Pestering people doesn't make them like you any more. If you were going to get in touch with him again, you probably should have done so sooner too. Now it would be terribly weird. There are other fish.

SilverFang

[Jaimey]

Well, if you treat it as catching up with an acquaintance, that's fine.  I've had people send me a text or email saying, "hey, what's up?  how's it going?"  That's not weird.  I've even rekindled friendships that way.

BUT, having said that, DO NOT tell him he broke your heart.  If you just want to be friends, fine.  But if you are only seeking a romantic relationship, I wouldn't do it.  There's no need to put yourself through that, especially since he already turned you down.   

[Kayden]

Well, if you treat it as catching up with an acquaintance, that's fine.  I've had people send me a text or email saying, "hey, what's up?  how's it going?"  That's not weird.  I've even rekindled friendships that way.

That's kind of what I was going for.