A long journey completed, yet just started...

[Feever]

Hello everyone.

I have put this off most of my life and I am getting somewhat of a late start, but I am looking forward to seeing what it this journey is about.

This week was a very emotional week for me.  I was feeling so lost.

I told my wife that I no longer desire to hide myself, and that I am ready to take steps to see who I truly am.  To that end, I start counseling soon, and I am both scared and excited to do it.  Excited because I have been dreaming of doing this for longer than I can remember, and scared because it will change everything.  It'll change me and my family, hopefully for the best, but maybe not.  I am scared that I will lose everything, but I know that if I dont do this, I will lose myself. 

What are my plans?  I plan to find myself.  I plan to match my body to my spirit, in whatever from that might be, once I figure out what is best for me.  Hopefully I will find the direction I have been lacking.

[Lori]

Well you just jumped on a ship that has a lot of people on it. Take comfort in the fact you are not alone.

We are all in different stages. Hopefully you will find what you need.

[V M]

Welcome to Susan's Feever, 

True, you are not alone. You have many friends here 

May your journey be fulfilling 

[myles]

Welcome!
Totally relate to the could lose everything but if not will lose myself statement.
Myles

[Michelle.]

Hello Feever and welcome to Susan's.

Please buckle your seatbelt and keep your hands inside the carriage at all times.

Also feel free to stick around awhile and post some, its the way we get to know one another around here.

Mich'

[Feever]

Can I lick the window, or is that bad form?

[Kelli]

Licking the windows is perfectly acceptable. :-)

[janine]

Feever:
Welcome and glad you're aboard. It won't be a smooth journey, but will be a satisfying one. Welcome to self-discovery and growing into who you really are.
Hugs,
Janine

[Sandy]

Hey, Feever!

Sorry, I am such a sucker for puns.  Welcome to Susan's please check out the site guidelines.

You have found one of the best places on the net for trying to navigate the, sometimes, choppy waters that transition can be.

You are not alone here and there are so many of us that want to help.  Feel free to ask literally any question.  I'm sure that there is a person who'll have a quip or an answer.

I hope you have good luck in finding yourself!

-Sandy

[paulault55]

Hi Feever and welcome to Susan's, It's never too late, i started last year at 56 years old. Losing everything is something that can happen, so far i have been extremely lucky but know that could change at any time.

My advise is to take things slow and let your family catch up, we have lived with this our whole lives but for them it's new and they need time to get their head around it. Keep everyone included in the decisions you are going to make.

When we transition everyone around us has to transition in one way or another. A few SO's feel rejected and pushed away by us because of not being included .

HUGS!

Paula

[Feever]

Thanks for the advice Paulault55.  I have been accused of pushing too hard, but I dont think it is hard enough.  I want to include my wife in everything I do, but she doesnt seem to want to be.

I am just about to start counseling, and she is worried that "it will get worse".  When I asked her what "worse" meant, she skirted around the idea, but finally stated that it might make me want to do "it" all the time.

Apparently she hasnt been listening to me, I am starting counseling because I do want to do "it" all the time.

If I could be granted 2 wishes today, the second would be for my wife to understand.  We all know what the first would be.

[K8]

Welcome, Feever.

It can be a wonderful journey, and I send best wishes your way.  The only way to begin is to start, as you know.  I wish you luck in your couselling. 

It is never too late to start.  I was a closeted crossdresser all my life but once I began opening up to myself I found that I really need to be Katehrine.  I've never been happier.

Family and SO's can be difficult because they have seen you one way for a long time and may be happy with you in that way.  They're afraid of what will happen to the person they love.  And they may feel they have no control because it is happening to the person they love rather than to them.  Be gentle with those who love you, but be sensitive to your own needs, too.

I grew up in an American inner-city neighborhood and therefore am familiar with interpersonal violence.  I had to decide that I could accept that on my journey if it came (it hasn't yet) before I embarked on becoming Katherine.  I think during counseling you will explore what it is you really want and what you are willing to give up to get that.  There are some difficult choices to make, but the trip is worth undertaking regardless of your destination.

Bon voyage!

*hugs*
Kate