New bunch of clothing

[Nicky]

I've been gathering lots of clothes to try out wearing. We have something like Ebay in New Zealand, it is called trademe. Basically it is a site for people to buy and sell stuff, and you bid on items to buy.

For the last couple weeks I have been bidding on a bunch of skirts and tops. Just today I scored what seems like someones complete wardrobe for $220 (l$120-ish american). It has 96 items of clothing and accessories - shoes, hats, hair care products, tops, skirts jersys, jeans, a couple coats....I'm so stoked. I hope some of it fits, the sizing is within my range. Either way I should be able to make my money back by trading things individually.

This is all in aid of working out what I want and how I want to be. I now have more girl clothes than boy clothes it seems, all in one hit, and have some serious dress up kit. I'm really looking forward to having all of my spoils. I don't know where I will put it all, I have no room as it is (at the moment as long as the washing basket is full I have room for everything) 

[Nero]

sweet. we want pics!

[Nicky]

This is probably not solid forum material, but I was just so excited.

Oh, I guess if anyone else is reading this, I think this is a good way to get a whole bunch of cheap clothing.

[Lori]

I got some new pants....but they don't fit yet.

[Vexing]

I'm taking you to Box Hill tomorrow as well, after we has noms!
They have many pretty things.
Pretty and expensive 

[Jaimey]

...that's a pretty frickin' sweet deal for that much clothing...I'm impressed.  Good shopping, Nicky!

[Cindy]

I hope you weren't fleeced

Cindy

[Cindy]

Tears of joy.
Cat nap
or Oh deer?
Don't try and pull the wool over my eyes

[Eva Marie]

Congrats on the new gear, Nicky 

[aisha]

clothes are the foundation of life and art in cooler places

[Nicky]

Hey Aisha, how have you been?

[aisha]

Hey Nicky..

I'm good, just started feeling better from this lame flu I had.. the zen wandering stuff was really beautiful, insightful and tiring.. worked out for only like a week, then stuff got all dramatic (depressed ).. and I ended up at the hospital and met a bunch of people.. mostly they just tried to say I was crazy for practicing my good old pagan beliefs.. but it was kind of a blessing actually, I met a lot of older people with interesting lives and stories, and just different ways of living.. woah this reminds me last night I dreamed of this lady, Margaret, we were gonna keep in touch but then I lost her number. Oh well, but yeah, they tried to put me on medication and my family got wierded out by all of this.. and I was just like no.. if I need medication I can find my own thats not gonna make me gain 300 pounds and become a zombie, thanks.

But more recently, just getting into gardening a lot, and staying home helping out around the house, exploring this new area we moved to, people are very not friendly in my neighborhood. Typical suburbaners haha.. but yeah a few nights ago I came home and my mom cleaned my room and shes leaves this note saying don't leave drugs in your room.
And I write back please respect my religion and way of life, I'm not breaking any law. Kind of scared of what might happen but, really, sometimes I feel like everything I think is right they think is wrong. But then the next morning she was like okay, sorry, I understand these things are sacred.

Wow, you know? Things have changed, Idunno if its wanti stuff, or if its just chance stuff, or if its life stuff. its just stuff, who knows why?

But that was really inspiring, and like hope, idunno a bunch of good stuff is happening now, even little things, I've been writing more.

ahh sorry its so long but a lot happened, how about you?

[tekla]

don't leave drugs in your room.

In Cali they teach this because you're likely to come back and find your stash gone, your parents giggling at some zombie movie and every cookie in the house eaten.

[Constance]

don't leave drugs in your room.

In Cali they teach this because you're likely to come back and find your stash gone, your parents giggling at some zombie movie and every cookie in the house eaten.

This ever happen to you, Tekla?

[tekla]

Nah, my parents were old fashioned - not like in they were part of the old ways, they were, but more like, 2 oz bourbon whiskey with 2 dashes of bitters, a splash of water, 1 tsp sugar, 1 maraschino cherry and an orange wedge.

[Nicky]

ahh sorry its so long but a lot happened, how about you?

I missed your zen presence on the boards. I'm glad to hear your journey has lead you back here again  .

I discovered recently that I suffer from depression. Never realised it, and looking back I think it has haunted me since my teens. Strange considering my wife suffers from quite sever depression, you would think I would know some of the signs. I guess when you are in it you don't really see how things could be any other way. I'm not taking any meds, just trying to manage things without through my counsellor, exersise and better diet and sleep. I think awareness helps a lot. There was a time a couple days ago when I felt down but not depressed. It was quite a different kind of feeling. My counsellor thinks it could stem from my frustration, isolation and anger from being transgendered. I think this is a trigger, but it does run in the family so I'm not sure if you could say that being transgendered is the cause.

Anyway my forays into buying clothing has had some success. Got some really nice skirts and tops and an excellent handbag which now goes with me everywhere (rip-off of famous L.V. bag). All the trying on has highlighted how much my body shape feels wrong to me  . But I have a few things that seem to work for me and that is gold. It has taken a bit of getting used to wearing things that leave the top of yoru chest and back exposed, I like wearing the stuff though, feels good. I've been thinking of wearing a skirt to work or a bra with my normal work wear. But my new baby is due tomorrow so I'm thinking of holding off doing anything too outstanding for a few months as I will be under enough stress as it is. I might be a little quiet on the boards as I am taking some time 3 weeks off for the new bubs (Would love to take more but that was all the leave I had available).

My dad is a glass of cheap sherry or port type person - reacts with his bopolar meds in amusing ways. Mum just seems to just get drunk on the fumes and rekons she does not drink much at all (but secretly I suspect she does enjoy a good gulp of wine or vodka). Her boyfriend is an excitable fellow and is known to get his tackle out at parties and likes to have a grope of my various aunties, they all seem to all enjoy it . 

[aisha]

Yeah, as for depression I feel like its just sadness, and everyone really has it, like you say, when you feel a certain way, its hard to act as if you didn't.

I know what you mean about the chest exposed thing, its an interesting feeling. And skirts, yeah my friend said she would give me one of hers, so I'm looking forward to that, I used to have one (funny story, found it on the metro) but then it got given away because in those days no one knew it was mine or why I would have it. Gonna get a bra soon too.

You're having a baby? Wow, congratulations, thats so amazing! I was just thinking about that today, its all just a dream for me, I guess one day it could happen though. You say 'new' does that mean you have other kids?

Crazy though, good vibes to you for new beings into the world, I'll miss you here too, most of your posts I enjoy.

Yeah I wish my parents would do that (as opposed to throw it away woah) that would be kind of funny, and maybe an interesting experience for them. They mostly drink wine. I smoke weed sometimes but what she was actually refering to were amanita muscaria mushrooms, which is an ancient herb that has been offered as the philosophers stone, the mysterious soma mentioned in the rig veda, the original basis of christianity, the eucharist, and just like a good, healthy thing to eat when you prepare it right. yup .

[Nicky]

I don't think depression is the same as just sadness. When I am depressed it is like living in treacle.

Yeah, I aready have a girl aged 2.5. She is a bossy little girl with a lot of go.

I won't be gone for too long. Probably be back on shortly moaning about how tired I am.

[Eva Marie]

Congrats on the new kiddo, nicky.

I also have mild depression from time to time. I've found that st. johns wart seems to even things out for me.

[Nicky]

Thanks! 2minutes is all it takes

I've been taking Kava pills. Great for stress and makes me feel pretty calm and good. For some reason my vision gets all sharp on it.

When I was a uni student we used to hold our own little Kava ceremonies the pacific islander way. You end up with this dirty colored liquid that tastes revolting (like drinking the dirty dish water). It kind of numbs your mouth and lips a bit and mellows everyone out - you get this kind of sense of wellbeing.