Cindy (James), I'm so sorry about your wife. I can imagine the "living hell" of your wife. My mother, much older, was placed in one of those by my brother. It was across town from me, but 45 miles from where he lived. I was her most regular visitor as she went down into the depths of Alzheimer's Disease. Yes, I can imagine how your wife must feel in such a place. You're entitled to at least a rant.
"Enlarge."
Yes, I think "enlarge" is a rather harmless word in this context. I'd use "inflate" or even "lie about" in some cases.
No one should underestimate the difficulties of gender dysphoria or of living a life that's socially-despised. Many of us have built our lives to some extent. But, most transsexuals I have "met" over the years at forums like this certainly appear and present themselves as having been "always middle-class" at the least. I've yet to meet on boards or in-person any TS/TG who was born deathly-poor in a hut on the outskirts of Dhaka and has "raised herself by her bootstraps" to become a computer-engineer in USA. They may exist, prolly do, but they aren't around me and never have been.
Cindy(bc), thank you as well. That was a nice post.
QuoteI can only pray that those who leave here to live their lives as their true selves find happiness in their lives, for they so deserve to. It can be done, I did climb out of the bottomless pit of a past life to find a degree of happiness and contentment to feel the warm sun of life.
You've said before you were a "street-drunk." Having worked through the years with many who, even in major, wealthy, American cities who have attempted to do that, I know that it requires struggle and more than just a bit of luck. I'm glad you made it.
I guess my point, though, is also that I get very tired of reading of the "travails" we tend to apply to our lives. And, tbh, I get rather concerned sometimes by those who appear so frightened of somehow being "outed" that they appear to only have post-transsexual lives in the pixels and conversations of places like this. They often appear afraid of being seen with other men and women of transsexing histories or to be "known" for fear that their lives will be ruined. That seems kinda sad.
I've often read the trope "well, if I survived cancer, would I walk around always calling myself a "cancer?" I always find the argument not only unpersuasive, but downright ridiculous anymore.
No, you wouldn't do that. Nor would I. But there is also that element of fear and self-loathing that appears to me to be part of the process of "re-defining my life." As though there were shame in simply having been born, with whatever traits and conditions that birth gives every human being.
And there's no doubt that being a transsexual or a transgender person and known as such may well cause some social exile. But, in our time we have seen much of that "truth" go flying back behind us. A lot of the reason for that is that women and men have unrolled their lives and their experiences for others to see.
In doing so they have often called out the humane and compassionate core of many individuals who "never knew." Just as many of us as we grew in rural, or poor urban areas "never knew." We never knew there were others, never knew that technology could afford us some relief, never knew we were anything but alone, frightened and hopeless.
It can be difficult today to realize, from sitting at my computer, that I "never knew." It's all too easy to make the tacit assumption that others now can't possibly be in the position of "never knowing." Yet, they are there, all over the world.
The fact that I have had a surgery, experienced & experience hormone treatments, etc is positive for me. For a long while I admit I was in that never-tell, never-let-on and never-be-around-or-admit-a-psychic-kinship-with-those-who-were-for-fear-of-someone-finding-out-because-then-they-would-be-as-disgusted-as-I-am-at-my-history crowd. *sigh*
Life changes. It was what it was and I have to own it. It was there and real and a part of my life. And ya know? when I do that (own it all) I do find some peace within myself. It's the sort of peace that comes with truly being able to live my life as it is: all the history, all the hope, all the delight and sadness. In that comes peace without the nagging fear that it will all be taken away by a credit-check or security-check. (Last one of those I had the vetter just said "O, just write female. You are ya know" and smiled.)
I'm not suggesting that everyone can, maybe even not suggesting that everyone should, be able to talk about our lives in a totally open fashion with everyone. I mean, cancer survivors, mental health patients, and rape survivors don't. Yet, they do talk and they are at the least somewhat open in the right circumstances. But, they also don't make attempts to further pathologize or exile or deny knowing those who do speak publically about their pasts.
In my line-of-work I have discovered the freedom and the lifting of oppression and depression that can arise by people simply owning their lives and their histories -- through and past the fear they have of how that will be seen by others.
We live our lives as we wish to live them. But I suspect from my reading that many who live their lives in secret also live them in fear, at least to some degree, some with overwhelming degrees that they will be detected as "false." What's false about a human life?
I think that maybe the difference might be: those who can live with the secret revealed if it is revealed and those who under revealing circumstances would be terrorized by their pasts. There doesn't appear to be a lot of "happiness and contentment to feel the warm sun of life" in living with as much fear of discovery I see and have seen in some of my friends who appear to merely have transferred one life of fear and deception for another.
N~
