I hate therapy... any advice?

[GnomeKid]

Okay, so I went to a therapist for about 6 months (I think) then got all ready to go with surgery,  had surgery, and stopped going.  I really want to get started thinking about/on my way towards starting T, but I really hate therapy.  I guess its just I have a really hard time getting any use out of it, or saying anything important.  I'm not a talk ->-bleeped-<- out sort of persons, and I like to keep my emotions where they belong: in my head.  This is a very hard way to be when the only way I can feel comfortable with myself/in life is if I go to a therapist and do all I can to further my transition.  I mean, I'm shocked (very happily) that my therapist was able to really tell that I have issues with this stuff and give me the okay for surgery because I know I didn't give her much to work with... It got to the point that I'd sit down with my gf at the time (now my ex) and try to think of things to talk about the night before, I'd get there and open my mouth to talk about one of them realize how ridiculous it was and just sorta grunt responses to her questions.  Thats not gunna fly much longer when I go back to therapy, which I want to do soon because as I said I want to get started on the road to hormones.

So... I'm sure I'm not the only person who is afraid(for lack of a better word) of therapy... so:
If you have issues with this sort of thing how did you get over it?
even if you didnt... any suggestions of ways to get productive/helpful conversations started?

Sorry if this is a bit all over the place... I'm off my ADHD meds heh.

[Mister]

If you hate therapy but want testosterone, find a local clinic or doctor that'll hook you up via informed consent, not SOC.

Also, you could probably also sway a SOC-lovin' doctor into foregoing the letter since you're already post-op.

[Jeatyn]

Maybe you would feel more comfortable with online therapy?

[GnomeKid]

Maybe you would feel more comfortable with online therapy?

is there such a thing?
That seems a little weird... I'd be a lot more comfortable with it, but I know my parents would want me to go see someone in person (and at this point they're being very supportive, lending me money/helping me out with a lot of this which I wouldn't be able to do on my own.... my dad used to be a shrink...)

[Jeatyn]

I didn't think it existed either until I saw Nero talking about it, and a quick google search brought up plenty of online therapists, including gender specialists

I was also dreading the idea of talking to someone face to face, I just feel really really awkward and don't feel like I've accomplished anything in past therapy sessions.

[kody2011]

I've gotten like that lately and I find that if I spend time writing throughout the week or however long it's going to be before I go again, it helps. And instead of me reading out what I wrote, I just hand over my journal and let her read it. Then she picks out what she thinks is the more important focus. It seems to help me and I tend to talk more after she "reads my thoughts".

[michael]

Gnome Kid,

i hate therapy too. i'm sure you aren't the only one!!

my first therapist (was not for gender issues, but for other mental stuff) was really strange and shouldn't be practicing. i didn't realize how much of what she did was wrong until she started REALLY acting wierd and touching me when i clearly told her i didn't like it. i quit.

that was years ago, but after having a therapist whose whole treatment was geared towards exploiting someone, it's REALLY hard for me to go. i only consider it when i'm almost at crisis point.

lately i thought about going to a gender therapist to talk about options. i'm not sure fully transitioning is what i want, but for i bet for a lot of people the idea of going through months of therapy to get it sounds extreme. recently a transman spoke at a PFLAG meeting i was at and he said that not all docs or clinics require that.

this idea about online therapy sounds GREAT...actually, it may be really good for you, do you feel like you talk more online than out loud? i didn't know about it either. i wouldn't have to be in the room with the person (something that i really don't like) plus, there aren't really any gender therapists where i live. i'm gonna look into it!

lemme know how things go for you.

[GnomeKid]

this idea about online therapy sounds GREAT...actually, it may be really good for you, do you feel like you talk more online than out loud? i didn't know about it either. i wouldn't have to be in the room with the person (something that i really don't like) plus, there aren't really any gender therapists where i live. i'm gonna look into it!

lemme know how things go for you.

Yea, I think I'm going to talk to my mom about the online therapy business tomorrow... I'm definitely a lot more comfortable typing about myself/emotions than talking face to face.  If I end up doing that I'll be sure to post how it goes comparatively. 

[Christian]

The online therapy is more affordable than tradition therapy...which could be a good point to bring up with your mom. Just make sure you find someone you feel comfortable with.