I just plain give up....

[scarboroughfair]

I'm just having a hard time trying to understand myself.

Life is far to short to fight a battle I can't win.

Kudos to those that find their pot of gold. I just don't know if I can post here anymore. I don't know where to begin to ask for help or support, I'm so darned stubborn I always think I have the answers. Every time I think I have myself figured out, I find that I'm wrong. I don't think I'm the average transexual personality wise. I'm sure not no better than anyone! But even in this realm I don't appear to fit in with people. I've decided to give myself away. I give myself to my wife who has stood by me thick and thin. I can't change how I feel inside, I will always identify as female. But I do believe I'm to the point of walking of the transgender stage. I'm not transitioning anyfurther do to lack of funds and the fear of god. Life is short, Eternity is forever. All I can do is my best here in this short life and hope for an eternity of happiness and self understanding.
I'm just saying I'm out of answers. I think the answer is, there is no answer.

[Nero]

aww we all feel like that sometimes honey. just hang in there and remember that we don't all fit the classic mold and that's a great thing. *big nero hug*

[christene]

Your not alone...Ive been crying for the last 1/2 hour, buildup was all day....I want people to understand me, but i can't even understand myself....Lets all hang in there - just get through tonight OK???
Its wonderful to have people that stick with you...

[christene]

hugs....

[Wendy]

Hi,

You seem very sensible.  We do what we need to do to cope with our feelings and mind.

Probably the least you have to do to cope is the best strategy.  Talking is a good strategy and is therapeutic.

However at the end of the day it is you that decides what to do with your life.

Good luck and I hope you have a better day!

K

[Janet_Girl]

Hugs Honey,

I can understand your reasons.  Sometimes it gets too hard to fight.  But for me, I can't go back.  To go back is to die.  I have to go forward, regardless of costs.

Hang in there.  Keep asking questions.  You be OK.

[findingreason]

Hi, I can understand exactly how you feel...it can be really hard to understand yourself sometimes. I don't even completely believe I am transgender, I still fight it, but still go forward as I will get nowhere otherwise. It's never easy, and I almost up and left this site in the past month myself.

[Wendy]

Hi,

Whatever we do we need to get on with our lives.  I do find meeting with TG folks and writing is helpful.  Ignoring our feelings just causes distress.  I make bad decisions when I isolate myself.  I see no options and lock out the world.

It does not make sense to me but it sure seems real.  I am not sure where you live but maybe they have some TG meetings close to you.  Maybe you can befriend someone and talk to each other.  I found that very helpful.

I have not figured out how to make it go away.  Some days it can interfer with me functioning.

Do try to stay busy as that can distract your mind for a period.

Do try to laugh as that always makes life a little easier.

K

[Vexing]

Thank you, I was actually meaning not posting on the internet and just disconnecting my service. The day I wrote this, I was beat up in a "general public" forum.

I've found, from experience, that it is best to be completely stealth on non-trans internet forums if you can't handle the eventual idiocy from the transphobic, transbigots and fundy dipsticks that want to kill you for Jesus/Allah/Yaweh/Whatever.
Even for the toughest of us, a stray comment on a bad day can very detrimental to our state of mind.
Sometimes it's not even worth the bother to present as the gender you feel you are. On at least one forum I'm still "one of the lads" and I'm okay with that.
Better yet, never give any overt gender clues. Many of us out ourselves by being overly femme or overly masculine.

[Robin C.]

I don't think I'm the average transexual personality wise

Transsexualism isn't a personality trait, so you needn't worry about not fitting the mold. Just hang in there and decide that being yourself is enough. Personally, I believe in identifying with yourself - not with a gender. To me that implies identifying with an interpretation of what gender is - thus holding yourself victim to a standard. It's best to just allow yourself to be and let the rest fall into place.

[glendagladwitch]

Except on TG sites, I go to great lengths to conceal my gender online.  That doesn't mean I pretend to be a guy.  But I use ambiguous screen names and avatars.  And if someone assumes I am male, I don't usually correct them.  It's a matter of credibility and honest engagement.  Some guys will treat me with kid gloves and/or disregard my arguments if they know my gender.  It's something I learned to do from a natal woman friend.

[Vexing]

Some guys will treat me with kid gloves and/or disregard my arguments if they know my gender.

Oh yes. That.
Or the infamous "Calm down. Must be that time of the month, eh? It's making you irrational."
Never mind the fact that I don't bleed down there, what fracking relevance would a bleedy snatch have in an internet debate?

[Seshatneferw]

Or the infamous "Calm down. Must be that time of the month, eh? It's making you irrational."
Never mind the fact that I don't bleed down there, what fracking relevance would a bleedy snatch have in an internet debate?

Psychology for men:
Fact 1: Rational thought is a masculine trait.

Cognitive endocrinology for men:
Fact 2: Hormones determine how you think.
Fact 3: Women have more female hormones 'that time of the month'.

Ergo, a woman is even more irrational when she's bleeding down there; and also, if a man thinks she's irrational she must be bleeding down there. If you don't believe me, just ask any random guy at a local pub (the sleazier the better) and he'll tell you this is true.

  Nfr

[Kimberly]

fear of god.

LOVE of GOD. Not fear. People on about fear have it wrong.

Eternity is forever.

Eternity is on going. It's not like this is the start.