Does "how far" you've transitioned affect how people react to you?

[Julie Marie]

Does the extent of your physical changes and presentation affect how people react to your transition?  In other words, if you were a girly girl with killer good looks and you transitioned into a macho masculine dude is that harder for people to accept than if you were a masculine female and transitioned into that macho dude?

Or if you were a macho dude and you transitioned into ANYTHING remotely female...

There seems to be factors like age, occupation, FTM or MTF that affect how the people around you react to your transition but what about looks and how you act?  Is the more dramatic transition harder on those around you to accept?

From my personal experience, I'd say yes.  What's your take?

Julie

[NicholeW.]

Just a guess from my own experience: the better you look and behave the part, the easier it is for people to accept you. 

[Dominic]

I would that a masculine girl deciding to transistion to male would be easier for people to wrap their minds around then if said girl were decidedly more 'girly' - because to them the 'girly' behaviour is normal and it doesn't make sense to transition, because if you're 'girly' then you must be a girl.

For me, personally, coming out as FtM to my friends was fairly easy. Their basic response was "Yeah, okay, that makes sense." However, if some of my other friends tried to come out as trans, it would seem more suprising, because they just don't seem all that 'male', so the reality of them being male would conflict with the overall perception of their femaleness.


(sorry if this post seems a bit convoluted, but you get what I'm saying, right?)

[Mister]

Just a guess from my own experience: the better you look and behave the part, the easier it is for people to accept you.

Yes, this.  Absolutely.  I've definitely noticed those who pass or promptly undergo medical transition gain more acceptance from friends & family and deal with fewer awkward or discriminatory incidents.

[Jeatyn]

I think it makes a massive difference. Even if a lot of the time I would say if you start out super girly/masculine and then switch over to the complete polar opposite it's because you were overcompensating.

When I came out most people were like "oooh you make so much more sense now" but for the few that tried to talk me out of it, their arguments were along the lines of "but you never acted like a boy! you had long hair! you wore makeup!" etc, if I looked like a butch dyke before they couldn't have argued that point 

[Janet_Girl]

As I progressed through HRT and approached full time, I noticed that people in general would look at me and just go about their business.

People at work had already been running through the rumor mill about me.  So when I started full time they were not surprised.  Several have even told me that they saw changes even before FT.

New employees have no clue to my past, or if they do it is not any big thing.  And my friends just have come to respect me as a woman.

Yes, this.  Absolutely.  I've definitely noticed those who pass or promptly undergo medical transition gain more acceptance from friends & family and deal with fewer awkward or discriminatory incidents.

I think that passing and having surgeries is a big boost to one ego and confidence.  And the helps with one's general attitude.

Janet

[Mister]

I think that passing and having surgeries is a big boost to one ego and confidence.  And the helps with one's general attitude.

Janet

More than that, it's a very visual indicator of someone's transition that is easily noticed by someone else, even if they're not the most enlightened.

[Julie Marie]

When family found out about me wanting to transition I got negative feedback from practically everyone.  "But you are so macho!" I would hear but I never thought that of myself. 

However, if you consider that I worked construction for 34 years, was typically in a supervisory or managerial position and most that worked for me respected me (that matters only if you know how trans-phobic most construction workers are), then I guess I must have pulled off a certain amount of machismo. 

Add to that a VERY deep voice, deeper than almost everyone I've ever met, and I suppose I can see why the idea of me transitioning is hard to swallow.

There is really no one from my former life who is unbothered by my transition.  And I've never heard, "That makes sense" when someone found out.  Most people were pretty shocked.  Two people who knew me pretty well each said when they found out, they went home and downed a bottle of vodka that night. 

I wouldn't say I'm all that girly now but I do like to look nice and wear makeup & feminine clothes.  But with my body it's tough to really feel girly.

Julie

[fae_reborn]

I agree with Nichole and the others, how people react to you depend on how well you pass.  I'm accepted as a woman without question all the time, except for the occasional child who will "read" me, but their parents just dismiss what they're saying if they speak up.

As for myself, I was fairly femme before transition, and although I tried to hide it, people noticed and thought I was gay.  When I transitioned, most weren't surprised (and I'm still femme, just not hiding it now).  My parents were very surprised, but everyone else who knew me accepted it, like it was the most natural thing for me.  Because it was! 

[Nero]

I haven't had any problems even though for the most part I seemed like an attractive hetero woman, because I mostly dated men. Most people instantly 'got' this as soon as I came out because they had always thought I acted like a guy despite being a 'hetro seeming' female.

[stacyB]

I do believe that how you look and how your built does affect others perception of you... and although I am MtF, I gotta believe it works for FtMs as well. I have always had a slight build, and being 5'8" and 145lbs, I easily can pass as a woman once I am made up. But its more than clothing or makeup... I present as female because I am female physical packaging not-withstanding.

Whats more, to those whom I came out to who have always known my male side, they have said to me "that makes sense". But not for the way I look per se... more because of my personality. Ive had more than one person say to me... "yeah, I couldnt put my finger on it, but it explains a lot". When I asked what they meant, all they could say is "now that I see you are wired as female, everything about just makes sense".

Stands to reason then as you go through HRT and surgery... you will continue to assume the gender you were mentally and emotionally born to live as. If you dramatically change, people will react stronger than if they just come to some "a-ha" moment where they say, "yeah, thats what I thought". And for those that do change in ways that makes their own self image more pleasing... that good attitude will rub off on others.

[helenr13]

When family found out about me wanting to transition I got negative feedback from practically everyone.  "But you are so macho!" I would hear but I never thought that of myself. 

However, if you consider that I worked construction for 34 years, was typically in a supervisory or managerial position and most that worked for me respected me (that matters only if you know how trans-phobic most construction workers are), then I guess I must have pulled off a certain amount of machismo. 

Add to that a VERY deep voice, deeper than almost everyone I've ever met, and I suppose I can see why the idea of me transitioning is hard to swallow.

There is really no one from my former life who is unbothered by my transition.  And I've never heard, "That makes sense" when someone found out.  Most people were pretty shocked.  Two people who knew me pretty well each said when they found out, they went home and downed a bottle of vodka that night. 

I wouldn't say I'm all that girly now but I do like to look nice and wear makeup & feminine clothes.  But with my body it's tough to really feel girly.

Julie

I can relate to how you feel Julie and although I'm not nearly far enough down the transition route for most people to notice, I too worked in a construction related industry for most of my life and know what you mean about the attitudes of construction workers. Construction is a male dominated industry and fairly intolerant of any guy who doesn't pass the macho test. It's different for genetic female construction workers because after the initial banter from their colleagues they are generally treated with respect. Should I reach the point where I announce my intention to transition to female I cannot even imagine how i might be treated. Hero to zero maybe?
Helen

[Melissa Ryan]

Julie, you have known me for a few years and probably believed I was a girly girl. I swapped from ruff'n'tuff looking guy to a pretty looking girl however. I admit, I didnt have a deep voice. But I went out of my way to prove my manhood to those who knew me. There have been a few who were shocked, but the majority have seemed to get their head around it. To the extent, that I had a call from an old boss a week ago asking if I would drive an excavator for him again if he bought another. (yes, the dreaded construction site, but in the dirt) I am looking to give it a shot, whats to lose really? My voice is still fairly male, but I dont look like I sound. Maybe I live in a freak world, but there has only been a few bad episodes in a year of real life experience.

I was just saying to my current boss today, that for the majority of the time, I am happy to be who I am, and wouldnt swap my life for any other. Oh, and not that you havnt heard it before, but you KNOW you have turned out to be an attractive girl. Go back and look at the pics again for confirmation <winks>

[Quicksand]

I think that the more you conform to your desired role, the less surprised people will be, as a general rule.  But I think the most important factor is what you insisted you were, because it seems like the majority of people will accept what you tell them at face value.

I had a friend who was blatantly gay and most people suspected him of it, but insisted all throughout high school that he was straight.  I was beyond shocked when he came out to me, although in retrospect I realize that I was just dumb for not catching on.  And from my side, I vehemently maintained that I was just one of the gals during high school, despite having had visible stubble and a very deep voice from 10th grade on.  When I came out to my friends, they told me that I just seemed like such a girl and they weren't sure I could ever pass.  I was all wtf?

[FairyGirl]

a lot of people just assumed I was gay before, and I've had more than a few "oh well that explains some things" since I came out and started my transition. None of my closest friends were in the least bit surprised. I think Nichole is right about the behavior though: Despite appearing "gay" to people, its those little feminine behaviors I'm still seriously working on because I think they make a big difference in how we are perceived by people who don't know us at all.

[Dawn D.]

I'm not sure how those who knew me before would or could not be shocked that I am transitioning. Like others here, I work in a very male dominated business. Although, I do have a nice mix of female customers too. I'm in retail, I sell ATV's (All Terrain Vehicles) among other things. I guess I was seen as a very up front macho guy. Yet like some others here, I didn't see or feel that way myself. I didn't even know that people thought of me that way until some of them have met the real me.

The funny thing is, it really hasn't affected how they work with me in my business. Some just want to know how to address me and others carry on like nothing has changed.

Appearance wise, I don't claim to pass as female. I of course present as a female and have mannerisms, as female as I am able. However, most that do not know me from my prior male existence, mostly address me as female and I sense, they accept that I am. I do need to work on my voice though. It's the biggest "tell" I have, so says my wife.

As far as their perception of how far into transition I am, and the change in realtionship; they have no idea whether or not I have even had SRS. And, I am not telling them. I've heard through the grapevine that I already have though lol.


Dawn

[DarkLady]

I did not transitioned from far. I got negative comments nearly always. No people who do not know my history just think that I am a little bit ''retarded woman'' and they are generally nice. Women have so much more accepted behavioural mods.

[sneakersjay]

Now that I've transitioned, I find that those in the LGBT community assume that I used to be a butch lesbian, and are surprised to find I lived as a feminine straight woman.  But those who knew me before are not surprised.  Under the feminine exterior was a fairly male-type personality - practical, common sense, linear/logical thinker, no-nonsense, etc.  Esp. did not wear my emotions on my sleeve!


Jay

[Jay]

Alot of people weren't suprised even my parents. They knew something was never right with me. My friends brothers who thought I was hott when I was a girl say.. Why did you ever change you where such a pretty girl.. But meh.. I was a lesbian then to them anyhow..

Jay

[juliekins]

You're always asking these questions that make me THINK!