my little rant...

[kody2011]

sorry i haven't been here in a while....

....but, I haven't been the same person since my run in with my parents. I'm soo lost now. I mean, I know that I still need to do what's right for me. But now, I don't know if it's ok...I've never thought that it was "wrong" to be who you are, but now I'm not sure. If it's hurting the people you love, then is it still ok? I hate hurting people and I feel like this horrible thing now...like I don't deserve to be me. And if I'm not me, then who am I? And what would I stand for now? I'm so frustrated...and I don't know what to do now. It all just sucks...I had everything planned out and now I don't have any plan...and I'm the type that freaks out and goes wacky without my plan...And I love talking with all ya'll, but now I feel like I shouldn't because my parents say I shouldn't be around people that support this because then I would think that it's all ok to do. And I know that what they say is wrong, but I've always listened to my parents mainly because my mom scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me and now that I don't want to llisten to them, I don't know what to do!!!

And if I keep typing, I'm just going to repeat myself, so I'll stop now...thanks for listening...

[sneakersjay]

But living a lie, pretending you're fine, when inside you're falling apart isn't the answer either.  As a parent I get ticked off when other parents pull this crap.

Have your mom watch Prayers for Bobby.  Sappy movie, yes, but one mom who insisted she was right lost her son to suicide, because she couldn't accept him as gay.  Would your  mom rather have a dead daughter or a live son?  Seriously.

See if she'll attend a PFLAG meeting.   Lots of helpful folks there as well.  And you can tell her that we're not a bunch of cuckoos on here, some of us are gainfully employed parents who are very NORMAL.


Jay

[Osiris]

But now, I don't know if it's ok...I've never thought that it was "wrong" to be who you are, but now I'm not sure. If it's hurting the people you love, then is it still ok?

Think of it this way: Your parents, by being their ignorant selves, are hurting you. It doesn't make it right, or wrong. It's who they are and what they believe. You have just as much right as them to be who you are and believe what you believe.

Don't deny who you are for anyone. It causes more pain for everybody in the end.

[Mister]

Your parents, unless they are complete self-absorbed jerks, should really be concerned about a few things-  your happiness, your health and your safety.  It may help to have a couple sessions with a therapist and then include them in one or two.  Let them ask their questions and express their fears in an environment where someone can both mediate and validate that this is real, this is normal and this is necessary for you.

[tekla]

your happiness, your health and your safety

Could be that those things are exactly what they are thinking about and simply came to a different conclusion.

[Mister]

your happiness, your health and your safety

Could be that those things are exactly what they are thinking about and simply came to a different conclusion.

Which is why I suggested a MH professional, who will more than likely assure his folks he's not bat->-bleeped-<- crazy for having a male id.

[tekla]

That would depend on the doctor wouldn't it?  I'm sure there are many mental health professionals that for a wide ranging variation of reasons might not agree. You're caught on that Catch-22 of it being in the DSM, and if its in the DSM, by definition you have a mental problem, one where the 'cure' is not universally agreed to - as witnessed by the current controversy about who is writing the new standards, and what exactly they will say.

[Mister]

That's why I said a few sessions and then invite them in.

Since I've gone through my transition, I think I'm aware of the DSM.

[Jaimey]

It is not okay for anyone, parents included, to hurt you either.  If they decide to be hurt because you're doing what makes you happy, then that's their problem, not yours.  It's your life and you have the right to live it however you want.

What your parents need is to be educated.  They also need to understand that what they are doing to you is extremely hurtful.  I think you are old enough to think for yourself.  Our parents are human and they are quite fallible...they certainly don't know everything.  It's okay to disagree with them.

*hugs*

[Luc]

Wow, man... I really feel for you. I agree with the suggestion that you try to get your folks to watch Prayers for Bobby... it's an incredible film, one I really wish I could get my mother to watch, though I know it's hopeless in my case.

My mom has told me, ever since I came out to her almost 3 years ago, that the last thing I need to do is talk to other transfolk, because they just convince me that I'm something I'm not. In fact, I doubt I'd be sane if I couldn't talk with at least one person who was going through what I am. I know it's tough, man, but somehow you'll survive... for me, I stuck it out, and while my folks are still in that "disappointed" stage with my being trans, they're much better than they were initially.

SD

[kody2011]

Wow, man... I really feel for you. I agree with the suggestion that you try to get your folks to watch Prayers for Bobby... it's an incredible film, one I really wish I could get my mother to watch, though I know it's hopeless in my case.

My mom has told me, ever since I came out to her almost 3 years ago, that the last thing I need to do is talk to other transfolk, because they just convince me that I'm something I'm not. In fact, I doubt I'd be sane if I couldn't talk with at least one person who was going through what I am. I know it's tough, man, but somehow you'll survive... for me, I stuck it out, and while my folks are still in that "disappointed" stage with my being trans, they're much better than they were initially.

SD

thanks for the words of encouragement...hopefully my parents will get there slowly...

Your parents, unless they are complete self-absorbed jerks, should really be concerned about a few things-  your happiness, your health and your safety.  It may help to have a couple sessions with a therapist and then include them in one or two.  Let them ask their questions and express their fears in an environment where someone can both mediate and validate that this is real, this is normal and this is necessary for you.

that's what we did...i've been seeing my therapist for a year now...and my parents think I should find another one...my guess is a hypnotist or something along those lines to get rid of whatever is inside me...like an exorcism...

your happiness, your health and your safety

Could be that those things are exactly what they are thinking about and simply came to a different conclusion.

yeah, i kinda agree...



thanks guys, i've decided that it's up to my parents on how they take this, but i'm done doing what they say i should. i'm doing only for myself now...

[Hildy]

I've learned from some pretty bitter experiences that it never pays to pretend you're somebody you're not to please others. True satisfaction can come only through being honest with ourselves and others and living our own life...which we have a perfect right to live! 

[milliontoone]

yeah you gotta live for urself my friend.  i caused myself a world of unnecessary pain and suffeing trying to deny who I was and I'll be dammed if I'll see anyone elsego through what I did.  Your parents will come around once the realise this is genuinely who you are.  And we are all here for you. 
Best of luck to ya and if u need a friendly ear to talk about anything don't hesitate to IM me...