friend and physical imperfection

[lauren3332]

hi, I have a friend who severely hates her body.  She always feels that every aspect of her body needs changing such as hariline and cheeks, ect.  Is this just a phase in the early part of transition.  I get that she wants to be unquestionably female and all that, I have those same thoughts myself, and that is why in all other aspects I have a horrible time with perfectionism.  She has been on hormones for 7 months.  For some odd reason she thinks FFS will fix everything.  What can I do to help them if anything?

[Paulina]

Realistically is she is very masculine (and not really attractive in woman's terms) now she would probably never reach 'idealistic supermodel beauty', but depending on factors I think she can reach passable woman. Not all women are beautiful, even if they done plastic surgery. If you think she could reach beautiful than support her, but if she isn't that beautiful and probably never will be, then bring her down to earth. If FFS and surgeries are the only way then I would support her on doing that, if she really wants to.

[Sandy]

This can be a very dangerous state of mind to get in.  If this is as significant as has been made to sound it can be very serious.

Surgical addiction.  A constant pursuit of beauty through surgery.  Many woman fall victim to this.  Sometimes the surgeon themselves may contribute.  Dr. Zukowski put stars in my eyes when he said he didn't know how to make me look feminine through surgery.  He could only make me look beautiful.  A nice touch, that.  It almost always seals the deal.

But cosmetic surgeons especially are very wary of someone wanting constant updates, changes, improvements.  Hoping that the next surgery will finally make them beautiful.  It would never be enough.

If this person is in therapy, encourage her to discuss her body image issues with them.  This doesn't sound like it is a strictly transsexual issue, but one of self denigration and hoping that external, not internal changes will fix everything.

-Sandy

[K8]

I agree with Sandy.  This doesn't sound like a strictly TS issue but rather an issue of self acceptance.  I remember that in high school all the girls with straight hair wished they had curly hair and all the girls with curly hair wished they had straight hair.

In my limited experience, the people for whom surgery "doesn't work" have unrealistic expectations.  I hope your friend is in therapy, and maybe her therapist can help to pare her expectations down to something realistic.  None of us is perfect and none of us ever will be.  Concentrating on the problems with the outside sometimes is a way of avoiding the inside problems.  (Ask me how I know this. )

Self acceptance is difficult but is a vital step toward happiness.

- Kate