So for basically the first time in my life, I bought my parents gifts for mothers' and fathers' day this year. My mom got roses and her favorite perfume, and a card.
My dad is a hermit scientist who doesn't really do much. He took up painting in the last decade and I've been supplying him with discount paint since I've been working. I picked him up some great deal brushes recently, but I figured I would splurge and buy him expensive ones since I can't really think of a better gift than something practical that someone needs to do something they love.
I gave them to him early. He was actually really happy. You don't hear a lot of emotion in his voice when he speaks, so it's easy to pick up when he actually is quite pleased.
We went to the grocery store since my schedule with work/social has been keeping me away. When I got there mom called me to say that she'd hidden dad's father's day card so well she lost it and to buy another. Way to go mom.
She hasn't seen it yet, she probably won't approve, but dad and I have similar senses of humor. Anyway, I was looking at the card categories and came across a huge block of 'To Father from Daughter' cards and my heart seized up.
I wondered if I would ever give a card like that. Referring to myself as 'daughter' is a strange, strange feeling. My personal identity, I am comfortable with. I'm just adjusting to comfort with outside perspectives still - and since I'm not out to my father yet, and my hormone dose is too low to make major visible changes yet... it just felt so weird. A big thing looming over me as of late is figuring out how to tell dad and see about how he reacts. My mother is (gently) prodding me to do it, but it's scary.
But still, the term 'daughter'... peculiar. Sort of like when I first started getting ma'amed in earnest, which seems so long ago.
A couple of weeks ago my mom said something along the lines of 'You're my boy. Well, my baby.' She said it in front of dad so I couldn't comment, but that was really powerful too. Considering how little she tends to get things, and how inadvertently disrespectful she usually is, it really struck me. My parents have never stressed the whole 'you're a man now' 'be a man' 'act like a man' thing, and our personal life has been distant for so long, I can't remember ever really thinking of myself as anyone's son, or child at all really.
The card made me think about mom, too. From Daughter to Mother and all about the bonds that are implied there (along, of course, with the father/daughter bond, of a different type.)
I guess I'm just getting more emotional.
