I don't even know where the hell I'm going with this, and I don't know if it's going to piss anyone off here or not. I don't know where I can vent this in the world as most everyone (not all, but most) is part of it all the same time, and subservient to it at an subconscious level.
Sometimes I just have to say I f***ing hate gender. And with a fiery passion. Men, women, boys, girls, male, female, all of it is evident to me in every single aspect of life. I feel like I'm stuffed in some box that is trapped in a tight, restricted world, where unless your part of that world, your an outcast. While MtFs and FtMs get screwed in gender from both, till and possibly after transition, they can more easily integrate into their gender stream. What happens to those that can't stand gender, where burden, misery, and suffering are attached to be in a world of gender? I'm suffocated by a world where because there is black and white gender standards all around me, and because somehow I will swap in identification from one to the other, sometimes as fit automatically, hence bi-gender/androgyne, I can see both sides. But on the other side of the same coin, it could be my oversensitive behavior, but even when there are women that fire bombshells at guys (while sometimes the reasons are obvious), I still can take offense, and get pissed off at them. I don't have to worry about that ->-bleeped-<- around guys, but if I am feeling identification with the female side, I then may have to still worry about male treatment, which then creates stress as a result.
Through in that males and the obvious sex drive, and then some women that are in hate of men cause of it, because I am in that bind as I have it, it makes my life living hell cause of how nature deals the freaking cards out. I get a lot of urges to be in bed lately with someone, possibly another woman, and then I have to worry that I'm going to do what other idiot guys do; screw and then run. So am I just a pig cause of dumbass f***ing nature?? I don't know.
It could be I am male and feeling pissed at the female gender, or that I'm in the middle, seeing super nuclear-warfare between genders. It's an exhausting way to live, and life can suck when you stand on the freaking sidelines a lot of the time. It seems like something nice, but something scary at the same time to have a world where everyone was the same "gender", where there weren't such differences, and everyone was equal. To be who they are, with no boundaries of masculine, feminine or anything. But that world shall never come, it can't because of how nature has constructed human beings, and consequently other biological species too.
Regardless of what too, I know I'm also part of the same gendered bull->-bleeped-<- out there, conditioned by society, and the effects of sex hormones on me regardless which way I go, so there's no way out of this cage. And because everyone is part of this world, they unconsciously defend it, therefore giving me very little venting room, and therefore I become a ticking time bomb of anger.
Maybe I will feel better later, but this whole thing makes our world a pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty place to live in imho.
