realizations?

[CrimsonRose]

Since I found this board around a week ago I've been reading a bit of the posts on here, and quite honestly it got me to think.

Each one of us has gone through alot in our lives, but it seems there is always at least one significant realization in a persons life where they go "That is what/who i want to be like". For almost as long as I Can Remember I've Cross Dressed and even experimented on the other side of the fence, but the thought has always been in my head that i wanted to be a woman. I tried my best to deny it and hide it, I even lost contact with family over it, but around last year i had a realization. I Realized that i was quite happy the way I am, that i dint want to change everything about who i was, and just kind of took to heart that Cross Dressing was part of who I am. In the end i told my closets friends about my Bisexual side, and i still keep the CD a secret.

What I'm wondering is how many of you decided to still keep there secret long after coming to the realization they were CD or Transgender?

[Janet_Girl]

After I realized I was TS, it took me about 25 years to come to the point I am at now.  Mostly because my parents are gone now and they can't be hurt.  I just wish they could know me now, as their daughter.

Janet

[barbie]

I eagerly wanted to be a lady when I was 4 or 5 years old. At a mid night, I tried to wear silk stockings which a lady left in the room. They were too large for my little legs of a kid and it surprised me because I strangely expected they should fit to my legs. My mom woke up to help me wear them, but still they were too lose. This my first memory on my transsexualism.

Thereafter I always have tried hard to hide my transsexualism, even denying that in my mind, until I got my ph.d. degree at my later 30's.

Now I do not hide it, although I do not any plan to transition. My natural body and face is already relatively feminine, although I feel that my face becomes masculine with my age.

I think my crossdressing is between a choice and a must. It's like sex. A few men can live without sex for their entire life like a monk, but most people should sometimes do that. In my case, I do not need to live fully as a woman, but just sometimes want to crossdress to be shown as a woman, hopefully a sexy one.

I want to be confirmed that I can look to people as sexy as other striking women. I am jealous of them because I can not wear freely like them. I like to stand next to young women who have a nice figure and seem to show off it. I just want to let people know that I can look as sexy as those women. It is not perfect, but I sometimes attract a lot attention and praise. That is my goal, not any more, and I do not seek having sex as a woman. Just in my fancy.

I am satisfied as a parttime woman.

Barbie~~

[Genevieve Swann]

Everyone close to me knows of my gender preference. It IS me. There are some family members who may or may not know. I don't go out of my way to make it an issue because frankly it's none of their business. Being honest with all of my friends I beleive is a great part of feeling who I really am and makes life so much more comfortable. Anyone who disagrees strongly with my preference of attire can find friendship elsewhere.

[Meshi]

Imo, it is much harder to keep things closet if you  are TS/TG than a crossdresser, but there are alot of  CD's that are TS but in denial, so  they are in a situation that makes it too hard to transition.  Then again there are CD's that still want male/female relationships, so  they keep it a secret and go both ways.  it all depends on the person.

[gennee]

I told my spouse that I'm a CD and told my son a year later. Both are accepting of my dressing. I haven't told my brother and sister because I don't feel the need to. Told two people outside my circle. More and more I'm loving who I am and really alive.

Gennee

[Nicky]

I realised I was transgendered in some way in my late teens. But I never really had the words for it. I told some people at that time but never understood it properly myself.  I 'came out' this year, I'm 32. But then since my teens I have openly been a bit gender queer. I never really considered it a secret.

I think if you are happy, and don't need others to know, then it is your secret to keep. In fact you can end up making things worse for yourself. But for me, I needed to be able to live authenticly - to put my true self forward as I saw myself. Hiding was painful.

[MarySue]

Ever since I was a kid, I've wished I'd been born a girl. On the rare occasions when my parents left me at home alone, I cross-dressed. Yeah, big surprise. When I was in college, in the late 60s, I read what I could about transvestism and sex changes.

Finally I concluded I wasn't a "real" transexual -- whatever that is. I didn't think I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I wasn't disgusted with my male equipment. I would have preferred to have been born a woman, but I knew that I wasn't one. I suspected that if I tried to turn myself into one, I'd just end up as a freak.

And my parents would have been devastated.

So I decided to play the hand I was dealt. In public, anyway. At home, in private, what I do is my own business, right? And on anonymous web sites ... well, like Steiner said in his New Yorker cartoon, "On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog."

Thank you for giving us the internet, Al Gore! 

[chrysalis]

That's how I feel, except I can't wait to move somewhere trans/cd friendly so I can go to bars, meet others like me, and have an active social life. Sometimes I think we, like Schroedinger's Cat, need to be perceived in order to exist (or to feel that way at least )

I get tired of being diva to closed blinds and a house empty save for the voice of someone on T.V.