So yesterday was the first. My first time out in public dressed as a woman. I was having the worst day of my life to start with, work was hell. I was depressed when I got home, (which sadly shows up as anger,) so I figured we weren't going to make it to the Trans Pride March and we should just give up. Although I didn't have time to get my eyebrows done, Erica and her sister would not let me give up and soon enough I was dressed up, prettified, and ready to go. I was nervous as hell, just staring at my front door, I was so afraid to even leave the apartment even though I had parked right out front for once.
Once inside my car I felt a bit more relaxed. I'm not exactly sure why, maybe it's because it forces me to concentrate on driving and nothing else? None the less the time arrived when we were at the train station and again it took a lot of courage for me to step out of the car, (especially in the city where my family lives.) I stole Erica's giant sunglasses as a temporary fix to hide my eyebrows and off we went. The funny thing is, I actually walked up straight (when presenting as my born gender, I slouch...) and felt like it was natural. Although I still told Erica she was the one who would be speaking to the ticket booth person. Quite a few people were staring at me when I walked in, but I just ignored them. According to Erica, one guy actually "checked" me out, while waiting for the train to arrive. Somehow I find that hard to believe.
By the time we got to Union Station, I was walking and talking like I just didn't care anymore, despite still having a male's voice. Erica's sister, Bekkee, was so funny on the subway. Apparently people were giving me dirty looks, or talking about me behind my back. The only way I knew this was because randomly I would hear Bekkee shout out things like: "Some people are just plain RUDE!", "You got a problem bitch?!", and "Staring problem much?!" She said that if anyone tried anything, she'd take 'em out for me. I did notice a lot of women (and some men) smiling at me as I walked by, and of course I gave them a smile back. I just ignored the people who gave me dirty looks. We bought some Rainbow Flags and made our way to the rally point for the Trans Pride March. We were a little late but it was okay.
Wow, is all I could really say about when I got there. The organizer was only expecting 20~30 people to show up when she decided to try and start this, since in Toronto trans people have never really had their own "show" so to speak. Approx. 1,500 trans people signed up, and possibly even more showed up. I don't mean to sound rude, but after seeing a few of the people that showed up, I felt a lot better about my self. Mostly my nose. I did find it gross that some trans women didn't shave their legs our attempt to hide the hair, but to each their own. (I'd find it gross even if a born woman didn't shave.) I think I knew a couple of the people there, one of the girls with a bike that was standing next to me while we were waiting, looked very familiar. She kept looking at me as well, so maybe she recognized me to? I'm not sure, but it just felt that way.
Once the march was underway, it was the most wonderful experience ever! At first we were just walking down the street, all of us cheering a screaming, but the amount of people who showed up on the side-lines was astounding. They were all screaming, cheering, and clapping for us. It just made me feel so amazing! I asked Erica what was wrong since she seemed to be looking around nervously, and she replied with "Nothing, I'm looking for the CP24 truck so you can hide your face if you want." For those of you that may not know, that's a 24hour news station for Toronto and the surrounding area. Sure enough we did pass by it, and I just smiled at the camera-man, although, I don't think he was actually filming until he was behind us. One of the reporters was walking and interviewing a trans-lady right behind me soon after. Once the march was over and we were heading back, I was just randomly waving my flag back and forth and had one guy actually call out "That's my girl" to me. He seemed drunk so I don't know if it was meant as an insult or not, but I'd like to believe he was being supportive.
The only upsetting thing to this whole experience was on the train ride back. As you all should probably know by now, my SO has MPD. Sadly the worst insults I could ever get that day, were from her. We were on the train home (it was so packed we had to stand), and I'm just smiling to my self and Erica when suddenly she switches! She almost immediately looked at me, very shocked and scared. It was the WORST and most hurtful look anyone could have ever given me, and then she switched again, this time to Kiara (her 5 year old personality). Who began insulting me for the entire trip home. It's not her fault though, she at least didn't mean it to be hurtful so I tried to stay visually happy. Being related to a clown, among other things doesn't feel very nice though. It also hurt a lot to find out the personality that was out before her was literally screaming in her head "No,no, I don't want to see this, someone come out, please, I don't ever want to see this!" Needless to say, with this outcome, Kiara recanting her vote, and a new personality surfacing... the "Vote" thread is pretty much null and void which brings me back to square one...
Anyway I apologize for such a long post, but I felt I needed to "tell" someone about yesterday and this is the best place and way I know how.
-Adrianna
