Think about it indeed! A seemingly very simple question, but a lot can be seen in the answer, and thinking about it can be confusing as well as enlightning.
I did think about it a bit and I'm still a little confused as how to answer, but i'll take a stab at it, though neither question is how I would think of it.
I would say that I entered the Transitional process with the idea that surgery was the goal and the transitional process was simply the way I had to go to get there. Surgery itself and not transition was always my overriding concern, so I would have to say that on starting, I was transitioning to have surgery. Over time, my view has changed, I have learned that not even surgery, not even by the best of surgeons, will actually make me complete with myself, all it will do is clear up the problem I have in my genital situation, it will not address the issue of how i feel about myself beyond that point, thus I would still be incomplete as a whole and complete person. I also need acceptance and companionship of other women who have no doubts or reservations about my affiliation and kinship with them. Accept me unconditionally as one of them, regardless of how they feel about other issues about me which they may never accept and have no obligation to. I simply need to be a true part of a whole in order to be whole, as otherwise, I am nothing, no matter how perfect the SRS, my appearance, presentation etc. etc. I must truely be and be recognized as, or be nothing more then I was.
In this respect, Transition becomes more equal with surgery in importance, though now they are more equal in necessity. Surgery without true transition, which is as much mental and emotional as physical, would hardly make one anything other then more comfortable with the genital situation, but it wouldn't make one anything they were not already, and if transition has not been accomplished, all that would be is a self identified female, not a woman in the true sense.
As one born in a male body, I have viewed and learned life from a male perspective, regardless of any "inner" me. I have experienced the world as a male would and many of my views and thoughts are deeply influenced by that in a way they wouldn't have if I had viewed and experienced it as a natural born female would have. I have found that no matter what I thought I knew or understood about the female experience and condition, I have viewed it or interpeted it somewhat like through a telescope and unable to see the fine detail while living outside the circle. On entering the edges of the circle, more detail comes through with more clarity, and thus more sharp the perceptions of it, and the more the former view is challenged, and this process continues as I go deeper into the circle and gradually male perspective is replaced by female perspective.
It is a long process and there is so much further to go, but to me, I must be as far as I can go and be at the time of surgery for it to give me the true joy it should, though I will still have so much to experience and learn about my true nature as a woman once surgery is accomplished.
Terri
