So how would you react?

[Dennis]

I just went to buy a computer for my new business. I went to a computer shop that I usually go to. The reason I started going there is because they were clients of mine and I figure helping out a locally owned small business is a good thing.

Since I transitioned, there has been no indication that they recognized me so I haven't given it a second thought.

I fill out the paperwork for my new computer and the guy says "hmm. Any relation to <female name>?" Threw me off for a sec and then I said "Yeah". He said "thought there was a resemblance". Thank god he didn't ask any questions.

Dennis

[Melissa]

I would probably react similar to how you did, but I would take it as a real compliment, because it means that even though they knew the old you, they didn't read you.  Congratulations Dennis, but you're probably used to stuff like that.

Melissa

[stephanie_craxford]

I just went to buy a computer for my new business. I went to a computer shop that I usually go to. The reason I started going there is because they were clients of mine and I figure helping out a locally owned small business is a good thing.

Since I transitioned, there has been no indication that they recognized me so I haven't given it a second thought.

I fill out the paperwork for my new computer and the guy says "hmm. Any relation to <female name>?" Threw me off for a sec and then I said "Yeah". He said "thought there was a resemblance". Thank god he didn't ask any questions.

Dennis

From what you said it just seems like he was just curious, as many of us have asked that same question of others.  We are a local company and we get many job applicants and when I recognize a name I've sometimes asked the same question.  Although it's none of their business who we're related to.  I think I would have said the same thing or simply have said "nope".

Steph

[Buffy]

Hi Dennis,

On a couple of occassions I have had that happen to me and my approach has always been to say No.

It was worst at work when I first transitioned as you think you let all your contacts know (but don't) and our switchboard where instructed to put all phone calls for <male name> through to me with the simple instruction .."He no longer works with the Company and <Female Name> is now doing his job" (And she did it a damn sight better I may add)

Becky

[tinkerbell]

Hi Dennis,

That's never happened to me; I live in a new area where no one knows about my previous life  besides, they could never relate me to my evil twin anyway.   Anyhow.....my answer would have been NO also.

tinkerbell

[umop ap!sdn]

I would have been caught off guard, that's for sure! Which would not be good because then it'd seem like I'm hiding something and they might try to mentally figure out what it might be. Hmm, I'm not sure what the best response would be in my particular case.

[Mario]

I think about this at times. Even though I don't live where I did where alot of people know me, I do live where I had my last job in security. So, I was very visible to alot of the same people right before I bailed from the job to transition. So now, I figure if anyone asked me if I was related to that female security guard, I would say "yes" it was my twin sister. I just want to see their face.

                                                      Marco

[Dennis]

I think if he had asked how, I'd have said 'it's one of those long complicated stories, let's leave it at yes'.

I had a moment of panic trying to think of what to say to change the topic, but luckily the phone rang then so I didn't have to. It's such a small town that I didn't really want to lie, but couldn't think of how to tell the truth without telling the truth.

Dennis

[cindianna_jones]

When I was working in that stupid little company I have mentioned before....

I was about to have surgery.  And they knew. I was not aware that they knew.

I don't know what it was as I look back on it.  Perhaps it was a background check (which they did from time to time). It could have been triggered by another MTF who had a crush on me and kept calling my work and insisting that she be called maam even though everyone thought she was guy on the phone. It could have been the fact that I was going to take leave for surgery and wouldn't comment on it.

In any case, I was still in the dark.  Our sales guy from 'Jersey dropped in my office.  He was new and was introducing himeslf.  After exchanging names and other superflous niceties.  He sat down across from me with our desk between us. 

"So, did you know David Steele from <company_name> when you worked there?" he asked on the attack.  I was shocked.  I thought my world had ended on the spot.  I didn't think long and answered "Why yes.  I knew him very well.  We worked in the same building in fact" I replied.  I knew that I would not lie here.

"How did you know him?"  I querried.  "Oh I worked with him selling power supplies for one of his projects."  I truly did not remember this jerk. He was cocky and he was pressing.  I got the sense that he'd been sent on a mission by someone else. "So what did you think of him?" he asked.  "Oh he was okay I guess," I answered him.  "I thought he was a self-righteous <explicative>,"  he countered.  "I can see how you'd have that opinion," I answered without adding any detail.

And then, rather than let this questioning continue, I quickly opened my folder for the eastern sales region.  "I'm glad you are here.  I'd like to go over your sales forcasts," I started and immediately moved the conversation to a business topic.

It was a conversation that I worried about for several days.  And this guy, for the rest of the time I worked there, actively abused me verbally every time we met.  He asked if he could look down my dress, if I would lift my skirt, anything. 

I took notes and asked my VP to handle the situation quietly and discretely.  I did not want anyone to get in trouble.  I only wanted to bide my time to get the surgery so that my insurance would cover it.  I knew that I'd be leaving the company shortly thereafter.  It wasn't until just before I left the company that all of this came to a head. 

Cindi

[Dennis]

Yikes, mine was pretty unstressful compared to that. I don't think this guy would've reacted negatively even if I'd just come out with it.

Dennis

[unicorn]

hey Dennis pretty good reaction you gave. Mine would be the same, or 'no'. The important thing i think is to react as coolly as possible.

But it's hard not to get thrown off guard.
I haven't had much succes in passing ... used to be better, about 10 years ago I also dressed in boy mode and looked convincing for my age, now what most people see is just 'butch' ... and I get people calling me madam everywhere still. In some situations it's impossible not to just respond as they expect. (correcting people is pointless. My pre-T voice is too girly). But I'm training myself to simply ignore them as if I really don't have a clue they could be talking to me, until they address me the right way, or in a neutral way.

Cindi, that's a hard situation to deal with. Good you were able to use the insurance and then leave the company.
Though quite a few people already know what's going on, for some practical reasons I'm still using my female name at work for now. As
... I know I'll have the full support of my boss,  but I am starting to realise more what kind of nasty reactions can come from other people. I work for the catholic church, and do temp work in nursing homes as well. The temp work will be easier, I can just avoid working in places where people won't respect me. Anyway, the old people in the nursing homes are the only people who consistently address me as 'boy'.  a lot of the time I work in psychogeriatric wards where the people won't remember who I am. There are quite a lot of queer  people among the staff in most places, I've noticed, so there won't be many colleagues who will treat me badly, I think.
...then there's the church... in spite of the enraging, stupid comments that the churhc in Rome produces, ... I love working there, and have found a rare community of truly christian kind people...
within a small subcommunity of my church, I have met an ally. there's a mass for international students, I sing in the choir. Another member of the choir is also ftm!! we get along great, and it's much easier for both of us, to have someone around who understands and shares the same worldview.
the priest and parish board completely support me... but there are always conservative people who will have an issue with me... and church is also a place where people go for gossip, and I'll have to be careful with that. I'd hate to have to leave ...