What are you surprised to find yourself doing?

[Jillieann Rose]

PIG = Pretty Intelligent Guy? Reaching, huh?

That is really stretching. Try again Dennis.

Anyway I have been thing about the original subject.
I'm a CD plus but just allowing my feminine side to come out has changed my attitude about allot of things. And my feelings are amplified. (I'm having a hard time articulating what I mean) I love and express my love for my family members more with hugs and the simple but powerful words I love you.
One tangible change, that has really surprised me; looking at a sexy woman was a real turn on but now I find that it evokes jealousy and covetousness of their smooth skin, long silky hair, their figure and large breasts. At times I'm even jealousy of my wife feminine figure.
Here is another interesting thing today I was really excited about buying a purse. It was a real turned on, so much so I actually hugged it. (Did I say that?) I love shopping for my feminine self.

Your right DawnL.

I believed that all men were useless idiots and subscribed to the idea of a feminine mystique.  I have come to realize that not all men are bad and that women are imperfect as well. 

Some woman are imperfect, but most men are idiots, > ; present company excluded.
There sense are dulled and they have very little real feelings for anything or anyone.
In my opinon most men live in another world.

Hah!

Beautiful
Intellegent
Thrilling
Charming
Hot

Anytime, anyplace, any conditions.  Hang on to it girl and let it spread.

Thanks for the clarification of the word Terri. 
So you can call me a bitch and I'll thank you.

Jillieann

[Sheila]

I don't know if anything big has changed my life. I know I feel complete and where I'm suppose to be. I feel very happy now and sometimes I can't contain myself. I'm very open not like I was before as I was very closed about myself. I have always been a very good listener but have never injected what I wanted to say. I have always been very shy, but not now. I came out to about 75 people when I gave my little speech, Leigh was there. That was the first time I met her. Leigh, you don't know how scared I was that night. It was like facing a phobia.
Love Sheila

[Leigh]

I came out to about 75 people when I gave my little speech, Leigh was there. That was the first time I met her. Leigh, you don't know how scared I was that night. It was like facing a phobia.
Love Sheila

If I remember right L. B. was there also?

Sheila-been there and done that too.  But that was when I was shy, quiet and retiring.  My first real public venue was testifying before the city council here.  Later I sat with L. B. on a panel at the Oregon Convention Center.  I like the light of day much better than the 4 watt night light in the closet.

Leigh

[Hazumu]

From the other side of the coin from what Jane says, I've also noticed that men work better in a hierarchical team structure, provided that they have respect for the leader. Sometimes getting women to work together on something is like herding cats.

Dennis

Interesting observation.

In my years in the military I always worked best with women in the crews.  My authority has always been derived, either from my skills, or from 'the boss.'  I've always failed at having a natural command presence.  "Stop it, or I'll tell on you" aren't words of leadership.

Funny story -- we were on a deployment and I was consumed with getting the equipement set up and working.  I got the editing system going and handed a simple but need-it-yesterday project to "Vickie" (not her real name.)  I I knew she'd do fine (the requirements weren't that strict, and the client would be happy with 10% of what I knew she could do.)  I was tasked with other things and rushed off.

"Karen" came to me and said that Vickie felt I was somehow mad at her, that I hadn't provided enough instruction, and a few other things lost in the sands of time.

Boy, was I surprised.  I now had time, and we went off into a corner to (what's a good word here?  "empathize"?  "conspire"?  It certaintly didn't fit the military definition of "leadership.")

We covered a lot of territory.  At the end she knew I had confidence in her editing skills, and that she could count on me to help her with technical issues, among other things.

It turned out to be a great deployment, and our team was praised with great praise.

<edited for typo>

[Cassandra]

Just a friendly reminder here. The topic is: What are you surprised to find yourself doing.

I keep looking at this thread and thinking about it but I can't think of a thing I'm surprised to find myself doing. I can think of a lot of things I do differently. The only one thing that comes close is how much better I take care of myself. I have a new found pride in my appearance and my health. I have found a life worth living.

Cassie

[rana]

"White man in a suit ego"  have never heard that before & am not even sure what it means - nevertheless it gives a very clear mental picture
I can't wait to try that lable on somebody - problem is they may take it as a compliment

[tinkerbell]

Geez Karen, so much has changed and so long ago indeed.......but one of the things that I would never do is to walk the streets at night. (it was not so prior to transition)   For some reason...I am so afraid to be outside lately.....no, I'm not agoraphobic yet but I think I'm getting there pretty fast!  I'm rather surprised that I'll be going to Portland by myself; I haven't been anywhere on my own for a very, very long time so we'll see!

tinkerbell

[umop ap!sdn]

My tastes in music = same. (I like soft stuff. And catchy melodies!)
My activities = same, although I'm making an effort now to learn some of the skills that are traditionally assigned to women. But only because they're good skills to have.
My hobbies = same, although I don't have any of my electronics stuff here with me, nor my keyboard... and I miss playing that.

I guess I never completely bought into the stereotypes that men have to be tough etc... even when I was playing the make-believe-I'm-a-straight-guy game I took the attitude that I think Styx and Journey rock and I'm not ashamed of that.

Now that I don't feel the need to hide my true self I no longer worry about hiding feminine body language and the like, so I guess the real me has always been there just only recently allowed to show herself. I'd have to say the most major change I've noticed is that I'm allowing myself to feel and express attraction to men.

BTW, I heard the acronym as:

Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself.

[LynnER]

Im supprised to find myself looking forward to tomarrow.... Im stressed, and more but I still still like the idea of tomarrow 

Im supprised to find myself smileing most of the time.... I was never capable before....

Im really supprised to find myself likeing boys..... nough said LoL 

and so many countless other things, sometimes I think Im going to go into overload.....  I wander what I would have posted if I hadnt been on haidis when this was origonaly posted LoL

[nonie]

I've only been going out dressed for like a week...  But I found myself feeling superior to a couple guys who were shorter than me.  That's new

[cindianna_jones]

Wow... resurecting the old posts.  But this one is a good one.

Now, having (I hope) set the stage, I'd like to ask you, as you progressed though transition, what was the change in attitude/tastes/outlook that most surprised/startled/delighted you.  What awakend within you?  If you have more than one thing and want to share it, please do.

Ja, ne..

There are two things.

1) My thoughts on religion changed significantly.  I was a very conservative Mormon bigot.  Now I have taken the macro perspective, not associating myself with any single line of belief.  I am more of a naturalist bringing in mother earth as a separate but sacred entity.  I cherish every individual's personal faith and belief.  I open my arms wide.

2) I was fascinated with all that was female.  I collected things like clothes, makeup, accessories.  It was what brought me the feminine feeling. It was all I could do but it was a shallow grasp. I now no longer care about those things.  I get dressed up only for special events.  I would have never considered myslef doing this many years ago. I thought that I would enjoy wearing heels and skirts for the rest of my life.  I still enjoy getting dressed up.  I now need no reason to do it in private

Cindi

[DawnL]

I find myself wanting to share and not be selfish. 
I find myself not wanting to be the winner of a fight, but for the parties involved to come to an amicable conclusion as quickly as possible. 
I find myself actually feeling compassion for people. 
I find myself caring what I look like.  I find myself wanting to be with people. 
I find myself feeling more comfortable touching people.
I find myself smiling much more.

I find myself doing all these things as well--and liking it.

Dawn