I posted a thread here about validation and mental transitioning... how this has been troubling me for quite a while now...
One of the hardest things we face is coming to terms with who we are and fret and twist about how others see us. Some is drama we create in our heads, but some also has merit based on the unpredictability of how our friends and loved ones will react when we share the our inner most thoughts and feelings.
While I have been stressing for a while about coming out to my folks, I didnt really plan to tell them tonite. But somehow I felt the need to do this... that the time had come.
I asked them if they had heard of the term "transgendered". Althought they didnt quite have the right definition, they had heard the term. I told them everything. I poured my heart out. Explained about being wired this way and how its not a choice. Explained what steps are involved in transitioning and how I will be changing. How this plays into religion. How this will affect my relationship with my son. How I need to do this.
I finally realized that validation is not what I have been seeking... and why seeking validation is an act of futility. I was prepared to have them accept me or reject me outright. But no matter what, it wasnt going to change my path... going through the beginning steps of metal transition...
What I got instead was more than just their support... I have their acceptance.
They asked questions... my mom said they both could see I always seemed so unhappy and tormented, even as a child, but they could not figure out why or what to do... they just knew i needed to change *something*. It was very hard for them to watch and not understand or be able to help. I didnt realize how obvious it was to them... and now they said "it all just makes sense".
Most important, they asked what they could do to help.
It was a good conversation. I think that being open and honest with them probably set the stage too. They know me well enough to know that I dont make rash decisions.
I know some take the approach of "damn the torpedos, full steam ahead". Some take the other extreme and spend so much time yelling slow down they cant see they have stalled. In the end though, I think we know inside ourselves when the timing is right to move on to the next step.
For me the time was right tonite. I needed to do this. It was a huge gamble betting everything I had, choosing either black or red... but really, what price can you place on acceptance?
