Planning in your head

[Tammy Hope]

Am I the only one who did/does this?

I constantly think in my head things like...

"By my birthday (new years/the aniversary of coming out/ etc) my weight should be down to..."

Or, "By next spring I want to be able to look like so and so"

or so forth.

I have this "game plan" in my head (all contingent on money that's not in evidence of course) that is largely base on a weight loss schedule.

I want to start running when I get below 200 pounds (preferably by the end of the year but at least by spring break 2010)
I want my hair to be ponytail length by then
I want to be in a position to consider starting HRT next fall (2010)
I want to have at least SOME facial laser by spring 2011 so that I at least have the option of presenting fully fem that summer if I want to
I want my weight down into the normal range for my height - AT LEAST by this time next year (I really want it down into the 150's by then but i constantly miss my weight loss goals so I'm afraid it will be more lie the 180s)

Mainly, I'd like to have all the more superficial things i can do done within 1.5-2 years to the point where I can be at least credible if I decide to present and ask to be taken seriously in public as female that year (2011)

(not that I'm not pushing that envelop now in a lot of ways)

Long term, I'd like to have HRT, enough hair removal, and enough progress in terms of being in shape finished by the time my youngest is past his 17th birthday (five years) and then I can sit back and consider if the finances will ever allow any surgery and if so, what sort.

(and also have settled the question of how this thing can be reconciled with my wife's ability to deal with it but that's a whole other can of worms for a different thread)

The point is, I have these little landmarks in my head like the first time I go off to town in a skirt, or the first time someone asks what I want to be called and I give them a female name, or the day when I would like to consider having it changed legally (on a birthday i think) and so forth. (and that's laying aside things that can't happen fast enough like the first time someone at the drive through calls me "ma'am" on the speaker)

Not that I'm married to that schedule (for instance, if I could get them and afford them I'd start HRT tonight) but you get the point.

Everyone does this, right? Or am I just compulsive?

[Nero]

I do that a little bit. usually i go by birthdays. 'I want to have such and such done by my birthday as sort of a gift to myself/milestone'.

Can I give a piece of advice, Laura? Everything seems almost contingent on your weight loss, and while getting down to the weight you want is a worthy goal, don't let it influence your other goals. Work on your weight, but do want you want to - wear that skirt, work on laser, get on HRT, etc in the meantime.
It's a classic female mistake to make life take a backseat to weight loss and not let enjoy oneself or do things one dreams of doing until she has a 'better body'. So much for my theory that transwoman don't grow up with societal programming. 

[heatherrose]

We all go about things differently.
Your way of "setting your ducks in a row",
sounds just fine, a lot better than the plan I had...



~"OK, five pounds of C-4 should do it, divided evenly betwixt the hinges of this closet door.
Then I'll step from the rubble, in my "Tammy Fay" make-up and frilly finery."~



...Yaaa, maybe not such a good "plan".

[Bombi]

You imagine
you plan
then execute

Just don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Be realistic and reality will follow

[tekla]

Of all the things I've been taught and learned in my life few have been as meaningful as something called 'critical path scheduling.'  It helps to have a guide, a plot to know where you're going and how you're going to get there. And for a lot of people physical deadlines tend to work to motivate and get things done.

[heatherrose]

So much for my theory that transwoman don't grow up with societal programming.

Little Bro',

It is everywhere, in everything we see, hear and do. Even amongst the "community".
"A man does this, this and this, A woman does that, that and that. If you do
"that" you're not a true man and if you do "this" you are not at true woman."
I'm struggling to not be shoved back behind another, albeit a different, societal facade.
While screaming to everyone that will listen, "Don't go it's a cook book!"

















We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

[Galantha]

Without a plan for our future we would all be wandering along lost in the moment and the past.

I did the same as you, but I based the points on the plan around monetary savings in the bank.

-- Galantha

[Hannah]

I go by birthdays too, and a few things I have planned by hrt anniversary. I don't know why but that's an important day to me, lol. I understand planning by weight loss goals. Clearly weight loss benchmarks are your motivator, and I kinda have to agree with Nero's thoughts on that. Losing weight is hard to schedule, and I'd hate for you to miss out on the wonderful relief in store for you, or worse yet hurt yourself by trying to reach these goals "on time".

Unhealthy behavior sneaks up on you dear, especially when you have such powerful goals attached to them. My mom caught me buying Ipicac the other night, when she asked me what it was for I said "well, it's so I can purge after we go out to dinner tonight" You shoulda seen the way she looked at me. The thought that it was incredibly stupid never occurred to me until she looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But, like you, I had stuff planned when I reach 180 lbs.

[kae m]

Try not to attach too much to your weight.  When I was in the very early days of planning my transition, so much of it was driven by my weight because that was so important for me.  I was depressed, I had no self esteem or self confidence, and I gave my weight too much control over the rest of my life.  When I started to plan things out in my head I thought of things like savings, when I might start therapy, when I would come out, etc.  I had dates in mind, and I also had a target weight for each of those.  It was not healthy.  I had to be totally passable and thin before I would ever consider going out in public as a woman.  Nothing really ever went along with my plans.

A funny thing happened when I finally put my obsession with my weight on the back burner.  I lost weight.  I was working on it, that's for sure, but I wasn't constantly thinking about it, I kept busy on other things and I was able to take steps forward.  I was getting nowhere when I attached other things to my weight, all it did was keep me miserable.  No one should make themselves miserable, so don't do it

[heatherrose]

...I said "well, it's so I can purge after we go out to dinner tonight"

Oh Baby, please don't let yourself get caught in that cycle. I think that it is
commendable that you want to lose weight and don't give up on that goal.
Stop and think though, "Why am I doing this?". Society has placed so much
emphasis on the outward appearance and "what" we are that in our attempt
to find our "place" we neglect to develop "who" we are. Losing weight is an
admirable goal but do it for the benefits that it will provide to you in your
quest to discover "YOU". Benefits like, better health, increased
stamina, mobility, grace and peace of mind.

Our appearance has absolutely nothing to do with our "beauty".
The ugliest people that I have ever meet were absolutely gorgeous, on
the outside. The most beautiful people in this world transcend physical beauty.
(Not trying to get all religious on you butt) There is a passage in the "Old Testament",
in a prophesy of the coming of the "Messiah" that describes his countenance as being
less than appealing. Once again it is society that propagates the lie that someone
as "beautiful" as Christ couldn't possibly have been UGLY. So Doll make sure you're
doing this for you and not so that you can fit into society's "Cookie Cutter".
The edges of that thing are pretty sharp and can do some serious damage.

[Tammy Hope]

Can I give a piece of advice, Laura? Everything seems almost contingent on your weight loss, and while getting down to the weight you want is a worthy goal, don't let it influence your other goals. Work on your weight, but do want you want to - wear that skirt, work on laser, get on HRT, etc in the meantime.

Well, the thing about that is...if I could afford Laser I'd be more obsessed with the hair than the weight. Weight loss is a lot easier to do when you are broke.

HRT on the other hand - I've been given to believe that it tends to put a bit of weight on you so I'm conscious of anything that might get in the way of weight loss.

that said, I can't afford that right now either.

(hell, I'm still trying to figure out how to pay the electric bill that HAS to be paid in the upcoming week - and failing)

So around it comes again to this being the one thing I can do even while essential broke.

It's a classic female mistake to make life take a backseat to weight loss and not let enjoy oneself or do things one dreams of doing until she has a 'better body'. So much for my theory that transwoman don't grow up with societal programming. 

Well, there's an element of that but I'm not obsessed with a great fem figure (would love to have one of course but so would a lot of GGs)

My "obsession" such as it is is the fact that the weight distribution is so atypical for a female. If I HAD to weigh 220 or so and the fat was in typical fem places, I wouldn't be happy but I wouldn't be so disappointing with my presentation at all.

As it is, it is like a deep voice, a huge adam's apple, being 6'5" and having size 17 shoes all wrapped up in one. He just screams "MAN!" no matter what else I get right.

Another aspec of this too is that I have to shave 40 acres every other day and when you spend that much time manipulating that big belly to get the hair off of it it becomes  your shadow...you can't look at yourself and not see it.

But so far I'm not letting it lead me into unhealthy practices (any more unhealthy than being obese indeed) - I've lost 50 pounds in the last year...and that frustrates me because an average of 1 pound a week is not enough....I don't need tv commercial rapid loss to be happy (it'd be nice but not realistic) - but 2 pounds a week, even 1.5 on average, would be acceptable.

The thing is, i can occasionally lose a 2 a week or more but only for 6 weeks or so and then I plateau for 2 months at a time and it's those plateaus (like the one I've been on now since April or so) that make me nuts.

[Kara]

I plan my transition all the time. I don't set dates because it's hard to tell what will happen in the future and whether I will be able to accelerate or if I have to slow down for whatever reason. But I think planning things out gives you a more realistic hope for the future and staves off depression somewhat. Transitioning, to me, is always easier to deal with if you have something to look forward to.

[FairyGirl]

While screaming to everyone that will listen, "Don't go it's a cook book!"

OMG classic TZ! Gotta love it

Yes I have a plan but sometimes get confused as to what order to accomplish different parts of it. Right now I'm mainly just waiting out my RLE to get surgery but still have a few other things to do first. I wouldn't consider any face surgery at all until at least a year on HRT though.

Laura, we talked about this some and I told you I had lost a lot of weight just prior to starting HRT. Since over 4 months now, I have actually been trying to gain back a few pounds without much success, so HRT doesn't necessarily always cause you to gain weight. It does cause it to move around and your general shape changes. Also it has a pretty dramatic effect on that body hair business. If you are planning HRT at some point in the future you might  concentrate your goals on those things it doesn't help all that much, like facial hair. (standard YMMV disclaimer here)

Getting laser on your face is an excellent place to start. After HRT let me tell ya your skin gets more sensitive or thinner or something 'cause it hurts like the dickens! Also you might think about tucking a few bucks away here and there for a gender therapist, which will be pretty much required to safely start hormones unless you can talk your doctor into prescribing them for you without it.

Hang in there girl! It doesn't happen overnight though I think I'm the world's most impatient woman sometimes lol It sounds like you have made realistic goals for yourself.

[Janet_Girl]

Mine is more of a day to day planning.  For now I am just flying by the seat of my pants.  Working on somethings and working out the day to day.

Janet