ADVISE FROM OTHER GIRLS

[jenasianbeauty]

Hello everyone! I am posting this topic to seek help.

I am a 27 year old feminine gay man. I have been dressing for the past year and confused whether to take myself to the next level of full time transitioning or not. I enjoy the sexual satisfaction of being female (bottom) to straight/bi-curious men online. My sex life is much better than it was with other gay men. Anyway, in my heart is not female (yet) but a huge aspect of femininity - gestures, voice, movements and lifestyle. Dressed up I look good and can pass about 70% without hormones. Dressed up I feel beautiful, even better than my male appearance. The compliments I've been getting is one of the reasons why I would like to transition. Dressed up I satisfy my missing feminine piece to my lost and confused puzzle.  Lately I am slowly  losing my attraction to other gay men. I also stopped buying male clothing and have invested much on female clothing. I lost alot of weight to look more feminine. I get anxiety attacks not being able to put my make up and going out in public as a female. I cannot see myself going back to the gym with a muscular physique. I get curious of my other ts friends with breasts, nice hips and have developed into a female. If I do transition, I plan to remain functional as a pre-op ts. I like the idea of having a female appearance but with a special treat. Also, I work in the airlines as a flight attendant and at times get to fly international. Will I lose my job if I transition but remain pre-op? I know I can change my name and gender on my ID's but not my passport unless I have SRS. Is this true?

I am sorry if everything sounds out of order but its 4am here in California and I am simply writing down whats on my mind. Am I in this for the sex part and physical beauty of it? I just want to be happy. What's wrong with me. Please help. I plan to consult with a therapist and tell him/her everything I wrote on this post.

[Kara]

No one can tell you whether to transition or not....and if someone does, you probably shouldn't listen to them anyways. This is something you have to decide on your own. Do you want to become a woman all the way? Or are you satisfied with how things are now? You'll have to decide for yourself, I suppose.

I know that doesn't seem like much help, but I tend to believe that a choice that big shouldn't be made because someone told you to do that.

[flygirl82]

as a former flight attendant i can tell you alot of airlines tend to have issues with transitioning. . . delta and northwest airlines are probably the 2 worst u.s. airlines to work for as they dont have any tg rules set in place.
Post Merge: July 14, 2009, 07:51:19 AM
so i would reccomend if thinking about transitioning on the job is getting a lawyer involved to prevent you from being fired.  and to document everything, and also speak with your union reps.  but before even thinking about work, therapy would be a huge asset in helping you figure out your feelings and confusions you seem to be having right now.

[finewine]

I'm not a girl but my girlfriend is pre-op.  For her, she identifies (thinks, feels, sees herself) as female and she was able to be comfortable with remaining pre-op, at least down there - she'll be having breast augmentation surgery soon.

The question about whether you're "in it for the sex part or beauty" is one that only you can resolve. I suppose it's theoretically possible for someone to want to physically transform their gender out of fetishism rather than due to any sensation of gender dysphoria but I have no idea what the statistics are on that.  Based solely on my limited personal experience, the overwhelming drive for transition is an underlying sense of dysphoria.

A therapist who specialises in gender identity issues may be able to help you unravel that one.  Good luck - and welcome to the forum!

[noeleena]

Hi.   . Pass ports  i have all other i d certs done in my female names & birth cert.s  not just the one you get in your hand .. i am a female . i did not get my passport done in time when going over seas . yet i have been to phuket . thailand & oz.e with no detail going on .i.ll get it changed later on when its time to redo it . as an i e . my names are noel  edward  changed to noeleena . edwina .so theres no probs . now the detail is a scan is done of your face . so it then can be taken back to your birth cert .. to make sure who you are . & i all so wrote a letter to our dept.s letting them know who i was . with my female pics  so my passport has my pic as a woman on it .
as for how you see your self is really with in you . as been said no one can say different . only you know . as we are all different . what does it matter . just accept your self & go with it . it works . it has for me over 11 years . i.m just a adro woman whos life is neat
     its not up to any one who may think differently . get some help if you wish .   for some thats good . h r t you must do your home work . then you will know how to deal with some of those things that.ll change for you . the changes take time so dont try & rush it . hope this helps ....
...noeleena...

[Syne]

Find a local therapist with experience in gender identity issues.

Truthfully you seem to focus on the clothes which most of the TVs I know do. Personally for me my transition was about my heart and body coming into alignment, not the fact that I would be able to wear femme clothing and makeup. MOF, I usually avoid both if I can.

However, each person has their own path and it is up to you which path to take.

[jenasianbeauty]

Thank you everyone for replying to my post. I was kinda nervous to see the different reactions I would get but luckily I was able to take everyone's opinion considerably. Indeed, the basic answer would solely be in what's in me regardless of what "who" has to say. I feel normal but I need help.

As for the transition on the job, this is one thing that's also holding me back if I was to remain Pre-Op. I love my job very much and could not possibly exchange anything for it.... sadly even if it was my personal happiness. The damn Passport!

Is is wrong to say that I am wanting to transition for the aesthetics part of it? I feel like I could not achieve the very masculine/muscular person I longed to be then I simply can achieve happiness by being the woman that fits my heart.

Would making an appointment with a gender therapist be covered by my insurance?

[Syne]

Depends on how the therapist codes it and/or your insurance. If you are lucky and have insurance that covers transsexuals then no worries. If not then it comes down to coding. I saw mine for a whole bunch of stuff so that therapist coded mine as Depression with Anxiety and the insurance covered 50% of every visit up to 10 visits per year.

Latest therapist started coding GID after the third visit and thus I could not submit the charge to my insurance. I had to drop individual and go to the group therapy route.