Kathleen isn't really my name, I hope you will all forgive me, but I have no one to talk to and a pseudonym feels safer. Earlier today I made a post or two on another site and it was so... liberating. I appreciate the chance to join up here.
I'm a girl. It's taken years, decades, to say that, but that's me inside. I'm not a sicko as far as I can tell. I'm just not a boy.
I have no adam's apple. When I reach to the left with my right arm, or vice versa, I feel my arm press against my breast because I've always had full hips and breasts just big enough to jiggle. Sweating in a tee shirt produces embarrassing patterns.
There are other physical signs.
The one time I showered in Jr. High gym class three or four guys came up to me and asked if I was the kid with no, um, parts.
But it's OK. I saw posts in one of the forums here about using a 'gaff', which I'd never heard of. Wow, that looks like pain, and as of now, after all these years, I appreciate that part of my form. For me a pair of properly fitting bikini undies works well, so I guess I'm lucky!
Time for me to keep things in perspective, though. I can't let a little positive self-adjustment go to my head. After work today I went shopping. I can't pass as a woman, so this was as a guy, although it's hard for me to pass as a guy, either.. After I got a pair of leggings and a couple of pair of hose, I switched from my tennis shoes to a pair of open-toe sandals.
I should admit I was dressed like in that old Joni Mitchell song, nylons under my cowboy jeans.
Driving past a drug store I thought about getting nail polish, turned into the parking lot, and thought I can't really go in without changing shoes again. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I got out of my car and walked towards the door. Then I was in the store, brightly lit. I know I could get mugged doing that but nothing felt out of place. The display of something feminine was just part of my personal landscape.
Anyway, thanks for the chance to come clean about a strange (and wonderful) part of my life.
Hugs to all.
