This is Bull***t!

[cblucky21]

i am so pissed off. i seriously hate all this Sh*t that we have to go through just to be happy it isnt right. HRT, 1-2 years of crossdressing and acting and THEN when you finally do that you get the option for SRS the big prize. and the estimated cost is 64,400 dollars what the... F***! why does it cost so much for the group of people that have an 80% suicide rate to actually be happy. I seriously can't take this

[Nero]

One step at a time, hon. Quit looking at all that needs to be done, and focus on just the next step.

[Sandy]

SRS isn't the big payoff.  It's the cherry on top.  It's the last step of a long journey.

And it is a journey, not a race.

Actually the suicide rate isn't quite that high, though it is much higher than the statistical norms for non-GID persons.

It does seem monumental, both in effort and it cost.  But there is so much to do.  Changing your sex is the most challenging task a human being can do.  It is more than the gatekeeper mentality that keeps a person from HRT or surgery.

We all want the magic wand to change this overnight.  And even if there were, you'd still have to go to the DMV and have your drivers license changed.  And so much else.

The physical changes we so desperately crave have to be matched with the societal changes that have to go on at the same time.  Those in your life have to come to terms with your transition as you transition.

And it really isn't crossdressing if you are wearing the clothes of the gender that you feel you belong with is it?  The real crossdressing is having to wear the clothes and act the part of the gender you were born with when that seems so repugnant.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm spanking you.  EVERYONE has felt as you do.  Really.  But it can be accomplished.  Others have, and so can you.

-Sandy

[cblucky21]

its not just this though. i have no job, 1 friend, im about to get Kicked out of the apartment by my cosigner (father), ive lost family members today because i cussed them out. i dont care about that they deserved it theyve never helped or loved me, but ive known them my whole life so its hard. i hav 2 dollars in my bank. i cant even feed myself im eating every day and a half just to conserve food. why is this happening to me. like seriously i just want to go get shot by someone

[Sandy]

its not just this though. i have no job, 1 friend, im about to get Kicked out of the apartment by my cosigner (father), ive lost family members today because i cussed them out. i dont care about that they deserved it theyve never helped or loved me, but ive known them my whole life so its hard. i hav 2 dollars in my bank. i cant even feed myself im eating every day and a half just to conserve food. why is this happening to me. like seriously i just want to go get shot by someone

Owww.  That is a load isn't it?

Hon, do you have a name?  Calling you cblucky21 seems awkward and really doesn't lead to a nickname.

Anyway, having GID on top of all these other life issues can be overwhelming.  And as hard as it is to do, I ask you to take a longer view.  One, two, three years down the road.  In that time things can be very *very* different for you than they are now.

Have you been able to see a therapist?  Even in your current condition you should be able to see someone.  They would be able to give you some insight to dealing with the issues in your life.

You have to take the first steps, though.  Reach out and you will find help.

-Sandy

[cblucky21]

no every stupid GI counselor wants 80+ dollars i dont even have 5!
i cant take this. like seriously why is this happening to me. And if i do ever be able to get SRS my name will be Jessica in favor of my birth mother naming me Jesse before i was born.  otherwise its John. i cannot keep living like this ive been homeless 2x before and now its about to happen again. i ruined my chances of having a career in the army by getting stressed and stabbing myself in the neck with a broken bottle. I was adopted and as a result have huge rejection issues. i watched my grandfather die in front of me from lung cancer and have bad depression problems now. and the idiot doctor i went to in the ER the other night for hip pains gave me Oxycodones so now im drinking and on Heavy Opiate Narcotic Painkillers. that best friend of mine is the ONLY thing i have going for me. like honestly... I'm out of Hope... which has been the only thing keeping me going other than my best friend. if she leaves. well... you wont have to worry about me making long posts. 

[Alyx.]

Wow... sucks...

I don't have much else to say...

[V M]

Please don't harm yourself. Put the alcohol and pills down on a counter. Get a note pad and a pen. Sit down, take a deep breath and start working out a plan of how to accomplish your goals. The past is behind you. The future is ahead. Create that future

[NicholeW.]

OK, yep, things sound pretty bad.

I have no idea where Louisville is out that way but every county in the US, as far as I can determine, has a public health clinic and those clinics have counselors coming in at least one day a week. That would be a start.

The therapist anyone gets is a licensed therapist. She or he may specialize to some extent in treating gender issues, but few, if any, therapists make a living totally by doing gender work. They also treat other patients.

WPATH (formerly HBIGDA) is open to membership to any therapist as they designate on their membership page for $175 USD per year and for any adult in any field or none for that same amount. Student memberships are $95 USD and are available for anyone in an accredited school who is studying in a transgender program (Psych, Social Work, Nursing, Medicine, etc.)

I don't have a clue how to tell you to make some friends, successfully get a job and solve your housing woes.

But I can tell you pretty reliably that your attitude ("every stupid GI counselor") and current occupation ("drinking and on Heavy Opiate Narcotic Painkillers") are not likely to alleviate any of the problems you've written about.

We all need to blow off steam and frustration sometimes and griping and whining are definitely allowed and used by most if not all of us at some points. But staying in that mode isn't going to hasten any salvation for you, but may hasten the isolation and heartbreak that you are already feeling.

Only you can change the face you present to the world and only you can realize that being sober might be of more help than being high in your situation.

I hope things work out well for you, but a lot of that burden is yours to carry, Twenty-One. Perhaps trying to find something in your life that does work and that you can build on would be a good start.

Or, on the contrary, if everything you do turns to crap, you might see that whatever you're doing isn't working and spend some time with that one friend trying to work out an other and different method of proceeding.

Nichole

[Annwyn]

its not just this though. i have no job, 1 friend, im about to get Kicked out of the apartment by my cosigner (father), ive lost family members today because i cussed them out. i dont care about that they deserved it theyve never helped or loved me, but ive known them my whole life so its hard. i hav 2 dollars in my bank. i cant even feed myself im eating every day and a half just to conserve food. why is this happening to me. like seriously i just want to go get shot by someone

If your family had never helped you or loved you, your father wouldn't have cosigned for an apartment.

When you're looking for the dark parts of life, guess what?  You'll find them.

[kody2011]

you can hang in there...just take it one day at a time and remember that hurting yourself is not worth it in the end. i know that it's hard...hell, half the time i feel the same way. just remember: it's a hell of a rough patch, but you'll get through it. lots of love hon...

[Miniar]

stagnation = bad
Forward motion = good.. regardless of how slow.
You're moving forward if you're saving up for the SRS.
You're moving forward if you're on the HRT.
You're moving forward if you're talking to a therapist.
You're moving forward if you're looking for a therapist even...

Don't worry 'bout SRS like that's all there is to it, there's a lot we all have to go through to pass and become comfortable in our own skin.. start at the beginning, and then slowly make your way to the end.

[Kara]

It may sound odd, but I know where you're coming from. I pretty much can't stand my family either and although my dad has tried to help me out a great deal, I can't say a whole lot about the female side of the family, who I would not bat an eye over one way or the other. I've gotten upset over and over at them and while they don't know it's hurt our relationship, it has.

However, anger is sort of counter-productive. At least I think so. Getting all worked up is a natural human reaction. It's what you do next that matters. I'm almost perpetually broke myself, but you could say I'm fortunate enough to be in a college where free therapy is offered. They don't specialize in transgender issues mind you, but it's a start. Or you could say that I spent the time to fill out the paperwork, go through all the bureaucratic nonsense, spend most of one day hauling all my stuff upstairs, etc etc. It's not like I landed in my situation just out of randomness.

If you want to go to college, I'm pretty sure you can get aid for it. There are even scholarships out there for people who help in the transgender community.

Have you ever watched baseball? You ever seen a team fall behind like 9 to 0 in the fourth inning? But then that team suddenly comes back and wins it? If I can apply that analogy to you, calling the game after the fourth inning when all hope seems lost might appear to be the right decision at that very moment. The thing about hope, though, is that it's never lost and if you give up, you are defeating yourself. You simply have to keep trying and trying and trying. You won't ever hit a homerun if you don't swing, that's what I think.

Edit: I was going through your posts again and I noticed that you said you've been homeless before. So have I- I think like four different times. Not to say what you're going through now isn't really bad, because it is. The point I'm trying to make is that I've been very close to where you are now and I got through it.

[Ms Bev]

I don't want to give the impression that I'm spanking you.  EVERYONE has felt as you do.  Really.  But it can be accomplished.  Others have, and so can you.

-Sandy

All true.  There are other folks without GID that have other problems, such as major depression their whole life long, and don't really have a way to "fix" it, $64,000 or not.....

Oh.....Sandy.....did I hear right, you're giving out spankings?? 

Bev

[Sandy]

Oh.....Sandy.....did I hear right, you're giving out spankings?? 

Bev

Well...

If there is enough interest I was thinking of starting a service.  I've got this paddle...

**SPANK!**

-Sandy(the first one is free)

[NicholeW.]

Well...

If there is enough interest I was thinking of starting a service.  I've got this paddle...

**SPANK!**

-Sandy(the first one is free)

Sandy opens a business! 

[Sandy]

Sandy opens a business! 

Just a little hobby I turned into a small business...

I have applied for a small business loan and the bankers keep coming by to evaluate my business model.

I may go for TARP funds next!

[NicholeW.]

I should think that the market might well support that business, dear. During depressions people need to be able to find and pursue entertainments that take their minds off of their woes.

Seems like this could be a great line of work to build the retirement littie and continue employment after wards.

[Ms Bev]

You should be able to secure a loan......I hear they like spanking-new ideas

Bev