Brianna;
The note you received and posted is NOT evil. The person who wrote it was angry, and scared, and in denial, and was bargaining for the return of a posession they lost.
Here's another way to look at this.
Forget 'religion'. Your family mourns the 'death' of a son/brother/uncle/MALE member of the family. But they mourn the loss of something THEY posessed. Their religion -- 'christianity', in this case -- even though it teaches many forms of compassion, could not help them overcome the irrational anger/resentment they felt that you had stolen 'you' away from them.
How would they react if a neighbor shot and killed a member of your family? Would they call for bloody retribution, or even take some sort of action, in order to even the score? Would 'turning the other cheek' be even a distant option?
So the male you is 'killed' by a close family member, you. How do you get even for something done to a family member by the same family member? Especially when what that family member does sets off homophobia or transphobia? You can't kill the perpetrator without killing the 'victim'. And they have hope that some day 'he' will come to 'his' senses and they will get their son/brother/uncle/MALE member of the family back.
So they punish you by hating you for what you have 'chosen' to become (you can't punish someone who has no choice in the matter) and sending you away. You are not to be mollycoddled, because then you'd NEVER develop the discipline necessary to succeed in life and resist these impulses, etc.
The male you will die in their minds and be mourned. Or, rather, they will SELFishly mourn the son/brother/uncle/MALE member of the family that THEY lost.
For how long? The grieving process takes at least a year and a half -- IF the person wishes to get through/over it. But some people wallow in one of the steps for YEARS -- they lovingly nurture their anger/denial/bargaining/whatever, and it becomes something that defines them.
Brianna, I say that there is still hope -- don't YOU ever lose hope. They may yet be able to see you as a long-lost daughter/sister/aunt/female family member, and may someday NEWLY welcome you into the family.
But you have to find some way to maintain contact. You should stay up on what happens, somehow. Send birthday cards to family members. Send other cards or letters for appropriate or significant events. And know that what you send may be burnt/trashed/ripped up in effigy of the girl who 'murdered' their son/brother/uncle/etc. Send that stuff anyway. Send postcards from far-away places you visit. Send change-of-address/phone-number notification. To those who WILL still communicate with you, ask them to give message of love and acceptance to those who stubbornly, selfishly won't.
Be the one who teaches them what REAL compassion is all about.
But you, too, have to get through your grieving process. We are here. And many of us have 'been there.' Sadly, going through a grieving process is part of transition for many. Just like hormones, mannerisms, beauty tips, et cetera are now part of your transition, you will need to make time for your grieving the loss of your family.
Start here for some more information. Seek out people you can be close to -- especialy during significant dates such as holidays. I'll make the offer here -- PM me if you want my contact information for your rolodex, PM me 'cause you just want to talk to me because you need SOMEBODY to talk to, not type your bile out to a soulless computer. And I'm sure there are others here that will extend the same offer.
Religion is not the demon. Your family USED their religion to 'justify' their act. You tried to use their religion to prevent them from doing so. What kind of religion is it where god is reduced to a waiter or bellhop of a rather dull and stupid sort?
Karen
