To even begin to glean what quantum mechanics is really about you need serious grounding in real college level physics, not a course or two, but the entire course of study (including the math) and some graduate work in physics, particularly in atomic theory, and then, even then, you're only going to get parts of it, because the fullness of the entire theory is pretty much impossible to grasp by anyone, including my teacher, who was a Nobel nominee. If it bothers you, really, really bothers you at a very fundamental level because what you are understanding is pretty much telling you that everything you know is wrong, or pretty much made up - some sort of collective hallucination, then I'd say you're on the right path. QM is deeply disturbing.