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Kicked off a dating site for being trans.

Started by Ellieka, July 22, 2009, 06:03:34 PM

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Annwyn

No face shots Cami, or at least wear some stylish shades.  Change your location as listed to one near by, easily within driving distance.

Use a different name.  "Caramel", maybe.

Make it clear in your profile the initial need for a certain level of discretion, but that it doesn't mean you're looking for NSA.

Seriously.  I've had amazing experiences with that site and I'm falling pretty hard for this one kid and have a lot of older guys who I do business with falling hard for me.

Seriously hun... I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was good for you.
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Mister

"Caramel"? I think she's aiming to not have her ad sound like she's a sex worker.
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tekla

Might as well change it to Chanel.  The next one could be number five after all.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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NicholeW.

Quote from: Mister on July 23, 2009, 11:01:57 PM
"Caramel"? I think she's aiming to not have her ad sound like she's a sex worker.
Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 11:05:04 PM
Might as well change it to Chanel.  The next one could be number five after all.

Ya can't see any better comedy live! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I have been crackin' up for an hour now! First one thread and then another :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

More, more more!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Annwyn

Cami does have the makings to have some pretty damn sexy curves on her later in transition, no BS there.

Perhaps something a bit more simple.  "joletta" or something with the, "jo" sound in it.  It always plains anything out.   ;D
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tekla

FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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tekla

FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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NicholeW.

Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 11:21:23 PM
I'm guessing "Jo Daddy" is right out.

Yeah, I can see problems with that. :o
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Janet_Girl

Sis,  If you really want to a party this a meat market.  Go For.  If not I know of a site that is very nice one.  No sleazy people.  No one night stands.  Just PM me.

Janet
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Autumn

I used friendfinder (the not-pornographic-for-hookups spinoff of adultfriendfinder) for like two days, I put up a non face photograph and a profile describing myself and it got removed for not being a face and for having a sexually charged profile. I sent the webteam a message explaining things and they put it back up, which honestly impressed me. You have to pay for functionality though. I don't think I'd give it another shot after OKCupid, BUT if you want a site that has more serious users (since it's for pay, and they also have an identity verification service too), you might look at it. I haven't even glanced at it in a couple of years.

Now, OKC. You have a lot of screwed up people, but a lot of them are my friends irl now. I've run into several FTM people messaging me about my experiences even though my profile only listed that I'm a full time androgynous crossdresser rather than a ->-bleeped-<-, and my RL social circle now includes two MTF we've roped in off the site. Oddly enough, those were the only two people my ex favorited on the site - she had a small fit when I told her not only did I know both of them irl, but they both wanted to be girls too (Grats honey, you're a ->-bleeped-<-  >:-))

Since it's free, it has a wider audience of people who wouldn't have bothered with a dating site. It's good for networking for concerts if you're into that kind of thing, and some people just enjoy talking online and in real life. If you have a nearby or relatively nearby GLBT community you'll probably run into people who're curious to roll you into the flock. You kinda get what you put into a site like that. Nudity and body part shots are not allowed, to add some taste to the site. It's also worldwide if you fancy penpals in other countries.

I'm with Tekla on the whole real people side of things, there's nothing wrong with meeting at a comfortable public place to get to know someone. I'm about to recreate my OKC profile and start doing just that since I'm single as of this week. You learn more about a person in an hour over coffee than a month online.

And of course OKC is free.

Sure I've had some debauched sex from it, but for the first time in my life I actually have a group of real life friends. I just wish they weren't all clustered 45 minutes away from me, but when you live in the South anything is great.
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Tammy Hope

Quote from: Cami on July 23, 2009, 07:42:42 PM
Well let me lay it out for you.

My first wife and I were locked in a nasty custody battle about 5 years ago and she nearly lost the case. Why? Because my attorney found her on one such site. It was a site where, like you said, some were just looking for sex and others were sincerely looking for love. But just by the nature of the site and the suggestive pictures of some of the members and a few other things the court deemed her and unfit mother.

For real?

That's pretty....f***ed up. i mean, maybe she is an unfit mother and all but - the thing that proves that is being on AFF or some such?

Just....wow. That's crazy.
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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Autumn

Something I want to throw in as an addition, which I've said elsewhere but it's on topic. Especially important for young trans people: you need to have relationships.

Left to one's own devices, people get loopy. Being devoid of contact, touch, sexuality, that sort of thing, is not going to do you well. Even if you are in the awkward, not transitory state, or early transition, or whatever - meet people. Date them. Make mistakes. Have fun. Because you are *NOT* going to know you met Mr. or Mrs. Right when you meet them, if you never date someone til you're 2 years post hormones, or after HRT. Even if you somehow manage to not completely screw up having a mature relationship with someone, you will probably wonder in the back of your head about if there isn't someone better for you.

You might only get one life, and enough of it is wasted dealing with trans issues, make the best of what you have and you may be surprised at what you find. The experience, at the least, if not the confidence from success, will help you greatly. Not to mention the possibility of actually keeping friends from relationships.

You may not feel completely comfortable with yourself before complete transition, but there are people out there who are greatly attracted to androgyny and people with a-typical personalities for their gender... even if the relationship doesn't last through your transition, it's still important to have the experience.
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SarahFaceDoom

okcupid is pretty good.  It's free, and there's a nice trans community there on the forums.
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Genevieve Swann

It sounds like it was not false info but maybe too honest. You could have lied like most others on dating sites and they would have accepted you. Sorry for being negative but I know some people personally and their profile on a dating site does not fit the real person. Even somebody elses photo.

Ellieka

Quote from: Annwyn D'Fenwyr on July 23, 2009, 10:59:31 PM
No face shots Cami, or at least wear some stylish shades.  Change your location as listed to one near by, easily within driving distance.

Use a different name.  "Caramel", maybe.

A relationship started on lies fails because of them, no matter what the good intentions were. I won't use sites like that on principle. Just like I refuse to buy any of the "such and such for dummies" or " the complete idiots guide to whatever" books. I'm not a dummy or an idiot and I refuse to be labeled as such.

Sites like that attract people by using sex. Sex sells. I don't sell sex and I won't be categorized as some one who does. I have more respect for myself then that. While I can understand what would push some one to do that, I myself won't be pushed. I don't want to look back ten years form now when I've settled down with some one and be pledged with the memories of all the people I'd slept with.

I can say, and proudly so, that I have only had four intimate relationships in my life. I'd like to keep that number low. If I were to go on a site like that and meet some one who sweet talked their way into my bed then ditched me... no thanks. I'm by no means religious but a certain scripture comes to mind.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 -Abstain from the very appearance of evil

Aside from all that, I'm just not that desperate to find love. It will find me when the time is right. 

Tekla, Mister, I'm liking you guys more and more with every post!  :laugh: :laugh: 

But "Jo Daddy" does have a nice ring to it.

Autumn, thanks for the sound advice.
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Purple Pimp

Yeah, I've heard of other transfolk getting kicked off of POF before.  That's actually where I met my first boyfriend, though I haven't used that site in about six months.  If they know that you're trans, they'll remove your profile, so I don't mention it in mine.  I just have my own system of "red flags" to filter guys that would write to me (in the military? Redneck? Baptist?) and only go out with those I thought would be cool with "the revelation."  In the past year, I've probably gone out on dates with 15 or so guys, about half of whom I got to the point where I told them about me.  For only one was it a deal-breaker (a Swede, believe it or not).

Lia
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you would do. -- Epictetus
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