640 Dollars, a Dead Battery, Non-Acceptance and Riding in the Rain

[Kara]

Today, my financial aid refund came in. About a month later than I expected, but the timing is pretty good. I've got a car with a dead battery (at least that's the prevailing opinion so far) and so a bunch of money in my pocket helps. Ideally, I'd like to buy some bananas or something, but I'd rather keep my money for the moment in case something unexpected happens. In my life, it usually does.

When I left to get my check, cash it at the bank and then go to the auto repair shop, there was a slight drizzle out. It was a little refreshing actually. However, once I got my check, the rain started falling down and I was riding through persistent precipitation. Needless to say, I got soaked. But I did find out that I can ride my bike all that way- in spite of the rain and the road construction going on. This state is famous for its road construction, which I can never decide is a good thing or a bad thing. If only they could get the job done at 3 AM, maybe I wouldn't be bothered so much.

I've been trading emails with my dad (yet again) and his belief system is Christian. I don't find anything wrong with that. Only, he's one of those Christians who has been brainwashed into believing whatever a pastor or preacher or somebody tells him. He appears to have lost the capacity to think for himself and I can only wonder what sort of disaster awaits him in the future as a result of his inability to discern things for himself. For the present, however, he made a lot of the same generalizations that the pastor made regarding my transition. I feel that I may lose him as a father, which is something I can handle. I just don't know if he can handle it on his end.

Yesterday, I had to admit to my counselor that I care for him and I don't like saying that I do. I have a hard time justifying such emotion when I continually get slapped in the face as a result of it. Yet, it's still there. How do I deal with caring for someone that doesn't accept who I am? This is not a question that I know how to resolve easily- if at all.

[heatherrose]

When I started driving a truck almost thirty years ago, the Wilkes-Barre area,
I-84/81 interchange was always a nightmare of construction traffic. I went
back through there a few years ago and it had not changed a bit.

I understand your Dad's mindset. When I was looking for relief from my GID, religion
found it's way into my life and thoroughly skarued my head for years. I'm sorry to
say that, from my experience, as long as your Dad is in this mindset, your best
course of action may be to let this "dog" (so to speak) fall asleep and leave it where
it lays. Let it wake up and seek your companionship on it's own.

There is no sense in bloodying yourself in a "battle" (This is the extreme Christian mindset)
that you will never be able to even find common ground in. Your Dad is fired up with a cause,
fueled with zeal to prove himself worthy of the salvation of Christ and will settle for
nothing less that your complete submission to the will of God, as he has been taught it.

Don't stop loving your Dad and there is no "shame" in admitting that you
still care for him. He does love you, this is obvious. He's searching
for answers as you are which, after all, is the essence of life.

[Kara]

You know, I never thought of it as a battle before, but it does make sense. Unfortunately. 

[Janet_Girl]

Or you do what I did.  Wait out the years till he has crossed over.  But then again he would miss out knowing you as the woman you are becoming.

One day he may seek you out and then accept you as his daughter.

Janet

[heatherrose]

Do a search on: Christian Armour
I'm sure it will be quite eye opening.

There is a definite idea in man made "Christian" religion,
which states, "If you are not with us, you are against us"
and most who are of this mindset, are not afraid to draw first
blood, by standing up for God and putting words into his/her mouth.

[Kara]

Or you do what I did.  Wait out the years till he has crossed over.  But then again he would miss out knowing you as the woman you are becoming.

One day he may seek you out and then accept you as his daughter.

Janet

You know, I sure hope so....

[heatherrose]

There's my "Shadow", Hey Doll

I don't look at it as a "crossing over". I view it as coming to a deeper understanding
of who and what the "Creator God/Godess" is, which comes from not settling
for mans explanation of an extra-natural entity who NO mortal has survived meeting.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi, Honey.

Ether way, both side lose out on getting to know each other all over again.  And be unwilling to think for himself can only lead to having hurt feelings on both sides.

Keeping the door open to conversation can only help, not hinder.

Janet

[ginger39]

I've got no use for religion but I sympathise with those who do. I am sorry that your father has allowed himself to be suckered into jeopardizing your relationship. I will say that you are lucky that your father actually cares about you and you have the same feelings towards him. I personally have no feelings for either of my parents except pity. I don't think they have any towards me either. Unfortunately, if you have to go separate ways then you have to. Life goes on. Life is much to short and confounding to delay what is right for you for the sake of another person's antiquated belief system.