My dysmorphia does not compare to that which I have read from others. I performed no acts of self-mutilation nor did I desire to. I hated what I saw in the mirror, but less because of the form of the body and more because of what that body meant. It meant I would forever be seen as male and expected to be male. It meant never being able to be accepted for the unique elements that made up me. It meant having to suffer jeers from peers because of my gait, speech patterns, and interests. Despite the chiding I would receive because I wasn't masculine, it also meant not being accepted as able to do feminine things by both men and women alike. It meant a lifetime of people trying to "fix" me, make me "more of a man," etc. So, did I have body dysmorphia? Probably not - more like body socio-dysmorphia (I made that word up).
With regard to the lying and deceit - it doesn't bother some - I daresay most. In some cases it seemed to me that those who it didn't bother convinced themselves they were actually lying BEFORE transition and now are telling the truth. If that works for them, go for it, but it wouldn't work for me. I knew I was a male bodied person previous to entering into any relationships as a female. And I knew that my closest relationships would consider that bit of information important - especially if those relationships were to ever turn intimate. There was no getting around that I was going to have to deceive people whom I would grow to care about and the thought made my stomach churn.
