Too poor to transition

[Notyetme]

Hi all. Long time lurker first time poster and like most I'm here to whine about my position and hope for sagely advice

Basicly it is all in the title, I'm simply too poor to transition.

Story time!

A little under two years ago, I was in therapy and had revealed my true nature(it sounds kinda sinister when I put it like that!) to my therapist. I had a job working as a print finisher, I lived with my father and had managed to save several hundred dollars (A real triumph for me!). I was feeling great! and decided it was finally time to start being me.

So I told my father.

He seemed shocked at first but supportive, kinda happy just to know why I had been misserable for most of my life. Then, 3 days later I got kicked out. He was drunk, angry and beyond all reason.

Then two weeks later I lost my job. Made redundant. Which I'm still suspicious about. My boss was a friend of my fathers, and my father worked from the same store (separte company, same room ) I still don't know if they legitamatly had to let me go, just found it to auckward with my father and I ignoring one another or if he found out about me.

Now, almost two years later, I still have no job, no savings, a lot of debt and worst of all still a man. I have no family who can or will support me, no friends, nothing. I'm completely by my self and I don't seem to have the strength to do it.

I hate this. Knowing what I want to be and having it completely outside my reach. I've been applying for as many jobs as i think i can do, but no one wants anything to do with me. No qualifications, only one reference and i've been out of work for 21 months. Worse still i'm terrible in interviews. I always feel like i'm hiding something, or that I'm trying to fool them into hiring me so I can turn around and change genders on them. Bringing drama and trouble into thier work place.

I wonder about going back to school, getting some qualifactions and riding out the ressesion but I'm 25 going on 26, and I'm afraid that if I don't start soon I'll never pass. I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking about what could have been.

You know I'm not even sure what i'm asking  I suppose I'm wondering if anyone out there had a similar experience and maybe some advice. Is it even possible to Transistion on social welfare? (I live in New Zealand, quite the nanny state) Do you think it would be easier to get a job if I was honest about my intentions, or never mention it?

[Chrissty]

Hi Notyetme,

Welcome to Susans!

To be honest, if you are 25 then waiting a few more years to transition would not make a lot of difference, and it's more important to find a way of supporting yourself financially. I would suggest that you consider college if there is a way to get the funding in NZ.

I would recommend considering a trade qualification, particularly if you could find a college that has direct links to business form a course (they do exist). A trade qualification is more likely to get you an income sooner, and has good prospects for self employment post transition if you pick an appropriate one.  I know this sounds like a cliché, but if your artistic and good with your hands have you considered something like a hairdressing course? You can also quite often get a basic qualification in a year or so, then enhance it while working later.

Obviously not transitioning will be tough, but at least you will be in control of you own destiny and can plan for the future. The another advantage is that colleges often have free resources that could help with your GID.

If you get frustrated, remember we are here to listen to your rants etc,...and If I remember right, we do have a couple of other NZ girls here that may be able to offer more local advice.

Good Luck Honey !



Chrissty

[Notyetme]

Thanks for the fast reply Chrissty!

That tranistioning now isn't going to make much difference isn't really what I wanted to hear but probably what I needed to.

I am both artistic and good with my hands. I did 4 years of animation collage before I went of the rails completely (this was well before therapy ) and I have considered hairdressing. It's that, well... I'm not exactly the girliest of girls.

Is it silly to be too embarassed to consider it? A lot of the people I hang around with are psudeo intellectuals and nerds (myself included!) and the thought of having to tell them i'm going to become a hairdresser... silly right? Even though to be honest I like the idea. I love hair but have spent most of my life pretending vehemontly that I don't and anyone who does is a vapid air head.

To make it even more fun the Hair dressing collage around here is in the same building as my old animation school. With the same tutors that I used to mock the hairdressers with!

On the flip side, who cares what they think right? Not to mention learning hairdressing would be great as I have no idea what to do about my hair, and I don't think anyone there would even look twice when I turn up in a skirt

Slowly talking myself into it... maybe if I don't find a job by the end of the year.

[tekla]

Doing hair is a pretty good way to make a living in fact.  Good one can make awesome money, and even if you would have another job, you could still do it on your off days to save up money.

[Tristan]

you can become a CNA in alot of states in as little as a week. the money is ok.in my area some places will give you 15 bucks an hour. and thats north florida

[Notyetme]

CNA?

I'm a New Zealander 

[Hannah]

A cna is a kind of nurse's helper. It's a hard job, I couldn't do it and applaud anyone who can.

It's a little cute to me that you can tell your friends, "oh hey, by the way, I'm a girl"...but not that you want to do hair. I picked a psychology degree over beauty school and I often wonder if it was the best choice. You'd better do what makes you happy because the clocks ticking dear. I know you won't have much medical expense in NZ, what's the college and tuition situation like there?

As far as transitioning goes it doesn't cost that much to stop your physical decay, just to reverse it. Just because your'e taking hormones to stop growing hair on your back *shudders* and so on doesn't mean you have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe and live full time.

[Nero]

Thanks for the fast reply Chrissty!

That tranistioning now isn't going to make much difference isn't really what I wanted to hear but probably what I needed to.

Hmm. I don't know whether waiting to start HRT at your age would make a difference. Yes, you're a bit past the 'optimum age' or whatever for HRT, but mtfs do continue to masculinize. They say there's a lot of difference in the younger years for mtfs. An 18 year old's supposed to have dramatically different results than a 28 year old, and a 28 year old better results than 38. But that the results don't differ much after that. Each individual is different of course.
And I'm by no means an expert on this.

[Nicky]

Kia Ora!

I think there are some things that you can do. (I'm a kiwi too).

Hormone therapy is relatively cheap in NZ.
If you are in Wellington I can suggest a fantastic counsellor who is willing to work with transgender people at a rate you feel you can pay, even if that is nothing at all. Drop my a PM if you are interested. I definitly think it is possible to transition in our country on social welfare, but it might take a bit of digging to find the right people - transgender care is inconsistent accross our country with no standards for how doctors and endos deal with transgender patients.

You might want to consider joining 'agender'. Not really my cup of tea but they have a lot of resources. You should find them easily with a google search.

To improve your employment chances I suggest trying some volunteer work (St Johns, Samaritans etc...). Alternatively, or as well as, you could try to get a job at a gas station, or takeaways, or whitcouls or something while you look for something you want to do. I think any steady job is going to look better on a CV than none at all.  I think work and income can get you on some courses too - like bar tending. Talk to your case manager, if you are keen they might be able to help you out. My advise, don't mention your intentions. The human rights act is pretty good in our country so in theory you can transition on the job and the workplace needs to be accomodating - but I think telling people upfront about something that is realy none of their business might reduce your chances.

If you are in wellington I'm happy to meet for a chat if you want to talk in person with another transgender person.

[Lisbeth]

You're making the assumption that transitioning costs money. That's what our current society wants you to believe, that happiness costs money. It costs nothing to grow your hair. Women's clothing are no more expensive than men's if you buy them the right places. Shaving has a minimum cost. Why do you think you have to have HRT to be a woman? I did it for three and a half years without HRT.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Notyetme,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2700 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks
  

Janet

[Nicky]

You're making the assumption that transitioning costs money. That's what our current society wants you to believe, that happiness costs money. It costs nothing to grow your hair. Women's clothing are no more expensive than men's if you buy them the right places. Shaving has a minimum cost. Why do you think you have to have HRT to be a woman? I did it for three and a half years without HRT.

I agree with that.

[Hannah]

I would suggest that you consider college if there is a way to get the funding in NZ.

This very thing occurred to me earlier. You know, I've been looking for a job for 7 months now, and I'm pretty darn qualified and interview really well. Fortunately I just want a job because I'm bored...the american taxpayers are supporting me really well (thanks kids) financially in the form of student aid. It might be worth looking in to, even if the worlds economy started turning around *today* it would take a while to reach everyone, and some time in school might keep you fed now and would certainly help future prospects.

[LordKAT]

I wish american taxpayers (like me) would support me in going back to school. I've tried that route. Its not enuff to even pay for the course and books much less eat or sleep.

[Mister]

I wish american taxpayers (like me) would support me in going back to school. I've tried that route. Its not enuff to even pay for the course and books much less eat or sleep.

look up the Workforce Investment Act.

[LordKAT]

will do Mister

[Notyetme]

Thanks all! You're all good at this

It is rather fortunately very easy to get a student loan in New Zealand. Pretty much anyone can.

As for transitioning without hrt for a while. I'd love too were I not a complete coward I really want to be as female as possible before i go full time. As it is I'm heavy set, with terrible skin and about the hairiest person I know. My biggest fear is (ofcourse ) sticking out like a sore thumb. I don't want to be a jock in a frock, I want to be a woman!

Not to mention currently I live in a bording lodge. Not exactly the best place to practice your voice and shave your legs. I really want my own place, where I prance about, practice make up and hair, sing and practice my voice without the fear of being judged.

@Becca Unfortunately one of the stipulations the Auckland hospital put on my getting hormones at all was going full time. Which seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me My ideal way of doing it would be just that. Start HRT without going full time.

@Nicky Tena koe! For the first time in my life I genuinely wished I lived in Wellington Tradgicly i'm situated in Auckland. I have considered moving down the line. Some times I think what I need to do is get away from everyone who knows me as a man. I have a gay uncle I could stay with, he's been in contact with my sisters and I know he would take me in, but I hardly know the guy and I have this thing about asking family for help

I've deffinantly considered gas stations and super markets and even the local McD. Going to take a long walk soon around all the local supermarkets to get application forms, then drop by a friends place and get them to print me some CV's

[Lisbeth]

As for transitioning without hrt for a while. I'd love too were I not a complete coward I really want to be as female as possible before i go full time. As it is I'm heavy set, with terrible skin and about the hairiest person I know. My biggest fear is (ofcourse ) sticking out like a sore thumb. I don't want to be a jock in a frock, I want to be a woman!

Don't assume that HRT will fix that. It might, but then again it might not.

[Hannah]

I wish american taxpayers (like me) would support me in going back to school

Let me extend my personal thanks to you Lordkat, it's money well spent. I hear this a lot, and I can't explain it. Yes, I am using military money and pell grants, but as I understand it similar money is available to people who didn't serve in the form of student loans. I've only met one other student as well funded as I am, and she was a single mother with some fancy scholarship for basically being a single mother I wish I knew why, I'd ask for you, but the financial aid office isn't really my favorite place these days.


As far as you go, notyetme, when people say they can't transition I usually mentally say to myself "sure she can, she's just not ready to start" but in your case...wow. No job and a boarding house, well look at it this way, it doesn't sound like there's anywhere to go but up.

[Notyetme]

Don't assume that HRT will fix that. It might, but then again it might not.

I know HRT isn't a magic potion that will instantly make me a woman. but lets face it, it can't do anything but help the situation. It certainly isn't going make all my body hair fall of and make my waist line go away. But it will help with my complextion and move some fat around. Oh what i'd give for hips! I don't mind being fat, I can live with that. It's being man fat that bothers me 

Thanks for the kind words Becca Truth be told it isn't as bad as I make it out, half the people living here are gay and the rest are international students who don't stay very long There are one or two people here who I don't think would take it very well, but I'm starting to think maybe this is a good place to "climatize" A testing ground so to speak

Complaining online is great! Today I was feeling a little repressed so I spent the day in my new top and boot leg jeans and made a point of leaving my room and being seen, talking to people. No one asked or cared, though the old guy did a double take. Now I just have to work up the guts to heat my wax in the communal microwave 

Seriously talking to you all has been... liberating. I plan to do a lot more (so you are stuck with me!)