I just watched boys don't cry..

[Calistine]

I'm really sad..it makes me scared to be who I want to be. It sends such a powerful message.

[tekla]

Lots of movies are made to send powerful messages, and they are good at it.  That does not mean the message is real, or that parts critical to the story are omitted or fudged.  I think that story is very unique, and more than likely its not going to be you.

[Calistine]

Yeah..he kinda did alot of it to himself..he got himself thrown in jail and lied all the time

[tekla]

And I was living in that area of the country at the time, and it did get plenty of local coverage, and eventually the New Yorker - suffice it to say there were other things going on there that the movie didn't cover.

[fae_reborn]

Boys Don't Cry was based on a true story, and while Brandon Teena did put himself in a risky situation, he didn't deserve to be raped and killed.  I cry every time I see that movie, but it just shows that you do have to be careful.

[Lachlann]

Yeah..he kinda did alot of it to himself..he got himself thrown in jail and lied all the time

Yep.

It's really sad that it happened, I watched the documentary, but it kind of irks me that people say it wasn't his fault either. It's a perfect example of what not to do, doesn't excuse the things done to him, but he's not totally innocent either.

[Calistine]

I wouldnt know..i was a toddler when it happened.

[bernii]

Dearest Calistine,

I know it is very frightening to see the hatred that exists towards us. Yes "Boys don't cry" and "A girl like me" are both very powerful and intense movies. What makes them really harder to take is that they are both true stories. Even more recently the tragic story of Angie Zapata shook me to my core. One must be very careful out there. We all must remember, there are many who will harm us. On a positive note, there are also many people who are supportive. It is important to know who they are as we transition.

Be careful everyone, but by all means stay true to yourself and continue to transition.

Love you

Brenda

[Lutin]

Absolutely, well said, Brenda.

I saw that film about 2 weeks ago, and fully expected it to make me cry (I've never yet had a movie make me cry) because of what happened to him as a result of people not accepting his transness (can I say that? ) and the fear and knowledge that that happens to us all the time (I didn't cry, mainly because I watched it in 10-minute segments so I wouldn't get the build-up of intensity and gloominess that I think it would have had otherwise ). So yes, Calistine, I can understand why you're scared and upset, but I think the important thing to remember is that, while the transphobia he encountered is not isolated, it is not universal either, and if you allow yourself to learn from his mistakes (he didn't help the situation, but by no means did he deserve what happened to him) rather than trying to block it all from your mind and forget how scary and sad it all was (which is a very tempting thing to do with this sort of thing), then I think there's a far lesser risk of that happening to you. It does send a strong message, but I think that's also to help the non-trans community understand what some of us face just trying to be ourselves. Sometimes subtlety works, but sometimes people need to be hit over the head with it, and I think this is one of those cases (though obviously it was hardly a subtle story to begin with).

Keep smiling, Calistine. Yes, it was scary and sad, but no, I don't think you need worry too much, or let the possibility of one day encountering transphobia prevent you from being you. As Brenda said, be careful, but don't give up.

Hugs,



Will xox

[Zelane]

When I was still in denial. I wanted to watch it but avoided it because I knew it would meant problems. But then I keep giving my gf some clues and renting that movie was one.

Anyway, when I finally saw it (alone) I cringed and had to watch it in two separate days. Its too triggery >.<

[Walter]

I'm tempted to see this movie but from what I hear of it....I'm not so sure if I want to 

[Nathan.]

I saw this film, was a bad idea. I cried (I hardly ever cry at films) and I didn't even know I was ftm in those days. I'll prob never watch it again.

[Lutin]

I think if you know what's going to happen, and that it is sad and does get rather violent, that it's a good lesson for trans people to learn from, but yes, shouldn't be watched when you're depressed or in the mood for a laugh or anything, because it almost certainly won't make you feel any better. I'm really hopeless with scary and violent films, so I looked it up on Wikipedia and read the plot synopsis and everything before I saw it, and, as I said, watched it in small bits and turned it off every time I started feeling uncomfortable (which was often). It takes ages to watch it that way, but makes it  a little easier to cope with. But I agree with you Ghostguy, I probably won't ever watch it again, and if I do decide to see it, it'll be a long time from now.

[barbie]

Hatred based on sexual orientation, religion and race can become very violent only if they possess tools for violence.

Barbie~~

[Renate]

I've never yet had a movie make me cry.

I cry watching dog food commercials.

[tekla]

Brandon's ->-bleeped-<- is only the kink in the story that makes it controversial and compelling.  Take that out of the story, and you have a tale that replays frequently in the Midwest.  One of petty crime, diminished expectations, and meth.  Oh yeah, that's the part they left out right?  The movie does not mention it, but the court case sure does.  Had they had all this hate on for BT because of the gender deal, they would have horribly killed him like the girl in Colorado and Gwen here in the Bay Area, and far too many others.  But that's not what happened.  What happened that night was a frenzied massacre (and it does kind of upset me that the other two people who were killed are so marginalized in the movie like, so what?) that killed 3 people, in a way that could only have been the result of a meth binge like so many other similar events in the Midwest.

But if I write that into the story, oh, not so sympathetic is it.  Matter of fact the whole, story is pretty much like the Papa Was A Rolling Stone rap, you know the one where he says:

But who knows the reasons why you did what you did
I can't help but wonder why
You lived your life as a big fat lie
You act like you had no responsibilities
'Cause if you did it's a bet that you wouldn't be
Stealin' beggin' hustlin' and schemin'
You could'a got a job
But did you know the meaning of work
I'm talking about an honest day's pay
But you was too lazy to be that way
Always trying to take the easy route
That's what they tell me, so I don't doubt
It for a moment, not for a sec
Because you lacked all your self respect

Really, no one ought to go like that.  But if you run with dogs, and he did (both of the killers had two major convictions, in a '3 Strikes' state which meant that the rape charge conviction would be a mandatory life sentence) you do get up with fleas. 

[Lachlann]

I completely agree with Tekla.
Not to mention, he obviously had the ability to move from that area but he kept going to one of the worst towns he could go to. Stealing and lying about it, going to jail. He wasn't the only victim, and it's terrible what happened to all the people that died, period.

The full documentary is on youtube, I suggest watching it and then coming to your own conclusions. Beyond getting murdered, I don't have much sympathy for him. He may be trans, but he could have prevented everything.

[Nero]

I think if you know what's going to happen, and that it is sad and does get rather violent, that it's a good lesson for trans people to learn from, but yes, shouldn't be watched when you're depressed or in the mood for a laugh or anything, because it almost certainly won't make you feel any better. I'm really hopeless with scary and violent films, so I looked it up on Wikipedia and read the plot synopsis and everything before I saw it, and, as I said, watched it in small bits and turned it off every time I started feeling uncomfortable (which was often). It takes ages to watch it that way, but makes it  a little easier to cope with. But I agree with you Ghostguy, I probably won't ever watch it again, and if I do decide to see it, it'll be a long time from now.

Yeah, the rape scene is pretty intense. at least more than most. not a good idea for people who might be triggered by it.

[Vancha]

I'm watching it, too.  But allowing myself to pause and take a breather when necessary.  I'm not usually emotionally affected but this is a tricky sort of situation.

Even when Lana looks at Brandon during the sex scene (not sure if there are more at this point) as if guessing whether he is male or female... It gets to me.  I can just imagine myself in that situation.   

Either way, yes, you do need to be careful and Brandon was not nearly as careful as he should have been.  That does not justify his murder, but it is a clear indication to all of us that we need to understand that no matter what, some people will always remain the same, and are unchangeable.  We must, then, execute caution.

[Mister]

you know how to not end up like brandon teena?

-don't be a criminal
-don't hang out w/ other criminals
-don't bang some guy's girlfriend
-change your ID
-when ->-bleeped-<- goes bad, GTFO