Missing My Mom

[Just Kate]

It has been 6 months now since my mother passed away.  I've done my best to be strong for my dad and little sister who still seem to breakdown over it at the drop of a hat.  But things have recently gotten tougher all of a sudden.

The other night I had a dream (and in these dreams my mother always seems to be alive) and in this dream my mother was upset with me.  I was incredibly busy, as I always am, and she told me tearfully that she didn't feel I spent enough time with her - that we didn't talk anymore.  I felt a strong pang of guilt and sadness at her distress and promised her I'd make it up to her.

When I woke up, I realized it was a dream, but decided that I did really need to talk to her, to let her know about all the stuff going on in my life, with graduating college, getting my first house, my new job, etc.  Then it struck me.  She is dead.  I couldn't call her.  My enthusiasm to catch up with her gripped me in crushing sadness, and I fell apart into tears.

Since then it has been hard to get her, or that dream, out of my head.  The dream reminded me of dreams I had as a child where I was a female, only to wake up and have reality smack me in the face.  I hated those.  I hate this one.

I don't have a lot of active forums I'm on, so I thought I'd just share.  I don't know how to feel, I just know I miss her so much.

[fae_reborn]

Interalia, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling, but know that it is only temporary.  You and your family will make it through this time of sadness and come out stronger because of it.  I can't say I know what it's like, to lose a parent, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

Don't beat yourself up over not catching up with her before she died; I'm sure she knows everything that's going on with you right now, and is looking down upon you and watching over you.  She must be very proud of all you've accomplished, especially with graduating and getting a new job; with moving on with your life and becoming a wonderful man.  Hang in there dear.

[Just Kate]

Thank you to both of you.  I'm doing better now.  It just became difficult recently, but I'm sure things will improve.  I've thought about what you said, Nichole, and I believe I'll try it. 

I have a specific place, a grove of large trees near my childhood home in a park that is pretty secluded.  I spent a lot of time there growing up and "listened to the trees" - that's what I called it, but really, I think it was just a time of great introspection for me.  It shaped a lot of who I am today and the way I think about life.  I think I'm long overdue for a visit there.  While I'm there, I'll talk to my mom, as you suggested.  I don't know the good it will do, but I can imagine at least a cathartic response.

Thank you, both.

[Janet_Girl]

I am a big believer in talking to the dearly departed.  When my father crossed over, I am absolute devastated.  I was an orphan, because my Mom had crossed a few years earlier.  I feel into drinking daily, and coupled with my GID, I was a mess.  I came to a point that I felt I need to die.

After my attempt at suicide,  I spent one day, in my ward room, and talked to my Dad and Mom.  Not only did it help me get straight, but I realized that they loved me and that it was alright to transition.

Talk to your Mom, interalia.  It does help.  And who knows, maybe they really can hear us.


Janet

[Linda]

Interalia,

I bid you peace.

If I may share something with you, I know the feeling, that of missing someone who has passed on.  My dad passed around 20 years back, and sometimes, well, I miss him. Very often it is to the point of sorrow. The last interaction I had with him was a note, written in a very flourished and distraught way, about the lawn I had not mown earlier at his request. While mowing that lawn I learned of his passing. That incident, simply put, cut deeply into my very being. I need to visit my mom. She's almost 70 and lives on the opposite coast.

What others have said, include also the statement about your grove, listening to trees, and from what I know from your posts pertaining to your own beliefs might I suggest, even if in your dreams, seek her, reach to her spirit, find solace for the time you shared.

Brightest Blessings, dear Interalia.

Our lives are short. Love is eternal. While many believe we are all one in the forever after, I like to think we are all one, in the here and now.

[Tina]

I would like to share something with you.  I'm not much of a chuch goer.  But my Mother passed almost 25 years ago.  I remember driving away with my Dad and brother in the front seat.  I was 4 months pregnate at the time.  I looked up to the skys and said please send me a sign she's with you.  Her favorite song came on the radio.  I could smell her perfume like she was sitting next to me.  I'll never forget it.  I looked out the window to see a cross on the side of a mountain.  No word of a lie.  I just looked up and cryed and said thank you.  To this day I think about it.  I smell her perfume from time to time.  My youngest daughter is named after her.
Wish we were closer than we were but, she's was my mother non the less.

There always with us.