To be Full Time or Not

[AimeeMO]

I am 25 and not sure if I should be full time or not. I stared "dressing" in High Schoo and would sneek into the girls locker rooms and wear there stuff. In fact I want so much to go to Wal-Mart tonight after work and get some girls stuff, and I might just do that.

[BrandiOK]

Well...I suppose that depends on several things. Do you identify as a crossdresser or a ->-bleeped-<- or a transsexual or somewhere else on the spectrum?  Going "full time" is a big decision and you should make sure that you prepared for it.

I would HIGHLY suggest that you see a therapist who specializes in gender before making any decisions on going "full time".  Therapy is your first step in the process, at least for most TS, and can help you prepare for any life changes you may choose to make.

Rushing into something like this can be devastating so my advice would be to see a therapist and take small steps from there.

[LynnER]

Heyyas Aimee,  Just so you know, were both the same age 

Im still prepairing for fulltime.... my dates getting really Really close and ALLOT of planing has gone into this... Ive been seeing theripists for over a year now. Wont really go into the rest here though.  Going fulltime is something you have to prepair for, not something you just want to jump into reguardless of how much easyer it seems it could be.  Tink I think is the exception.....

If you dont have a theripist, get one, if you do talk it over with them.  Basicly what Im getting at is be carefull.  Just cuz were younger dosnt mean were still indestructable teenagers you know LoL

[cindianna_jones]

I went full time when I was in my twenties.  If I hadn't had the bloomin church chasing me down every minute, I'd have done it much sooner.  My opinion is this... try it not full time.  Do it a lot. Be careful and don't let your work find out.  But you don't need to spend a lot of money to dress up and go out.  Find some people you feel safe with.  Have some fun!

Cindi

[Buffy]

Hi Aimee,

I actually had about 6 months part time before I fully transitioned, because I wasn't ready and had work considerations.

Basically lived outside work and at weekends as me.

I really enjoyed the weekends and found it depressing when I had to go back to guy mode on Mondays.

Buffy

[veronica06]

yeah--what they all said here-------
you are talking about a possible chance to alter your life permanently and the consequences could be---could be--devastating....to you.
it is one huge emotional trial and it is not taken lightly.
to be full time..
your family...your job...your neighbors..your landlord...
the entire outside world may view it in a non flattering aspect..and that may be hazardous for you financially and emotionally and mentally.

please-------------think...........very deeply............and long.
consult a professional therapist.

and good luck

"don't leap into the water until you know how deep it is"

[LostInTime]

I went from zero to full transition.  Did not care to CD much because it having to change out always triggered a lot of depression.  Same thing when I started trying on makeup (both of which when I was very young).  Once I decided to do it, I did.  And there were a lot of complications along the way and some were even dangerous.  I ended up backing up and redoing it again a few years later when I was a bit smarter and took  my time about it.

Seeing a therapist is the best thing to do.  I wish I had gone years earlier.

Good luck.

[veronica06]

you know what?
I gave this some more thought...all on my own without adult supervision this time............
==========
yeah anyway.
let's just say,..for a mere passing nano second....1 billionth of a second...
let's say,..I went full time this precise second.....
hmm. this means,...my neighbors may have a real complaint session over it. this means people on-the-street,..office buildings, mailman, UPS, fedex,...hun you name it.
this means I will be using my normal deep barotone...bass voice...in a skirt..makeup, wig,...all of it.
you don't think people may have bad reactions?
these people know me as the guy.
some may not like my shoving it in their face..."oh hi, I wanna be a girlie now. ain't I just so cuuuute?"

I may have some folks refuse to serve me next time at the restaurant and there is nothing I can do about it. "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone"

fedex may have driver replacement issues....some may refuse to stop here.
and UPS.....
or anyone else.

even "I" have-to........stop and think 3 times before "I" get nutso and decide..."oh my...today is a wonderful day to anger everyone I know"

so if I ..WAS you? and I ain't!

please??   think....decide later.

Edit: Language - Kate

[cindianna_jones]

No matter what, it is a very good idea to get out and do normal kinds of activities en femme before you make a decision.  I don't think therapy is necessary for that sort of thing.  I really think that you need to feel comfortable in public before you consider going full time.  That's what this thing is really all about.... or at least a huge part... to be acknowledged for who we feel we are.  To me, that was the biggest head rush I had ever had.  I could not believe it when I finally got the passing thing down and strangers would accept me as a woman.

Cindi

[Melissa]

I went from denial to fulltime in under 9 months and 5 months from the start of hormones.  That is relatively quick.  I was passing even before going fulltime while dressed as male.  I would have done it sooner, but I felt I wanted my hair to grow a certain length and the hormones to do their job enough and work on my voice.  Plus I wanted the hair removal far enough along in the process where my makeup wasn't a "layer" on my face. Also it was expensive getting an entire new wardrobe.  During the waiting time, I started feeling very anxious and kept wanting to go fulltime before I was ready, however I was able to talk myself out of it most of the time.  To tell you the truth, going fulltime was probably the thing I was looking forward to the most at the beginning of transition.  By the time I went fulltime, this had changed into a need.  Since I have, I don't look back and have no regrets.

I guess I related my story because others take a few years a lot of times to get ready and I just don't have the patience of other people.  Even though you may want to do it immediately, it is best to prepare anyways.

Melissa

[beth]

you know what?
I gave this some more thought...all on my own without adult supervision this time............
==========
yeah anyway.
let's just say,..for a mere passing nano second....1 billionth of a second...
let's say,..I went full time this precise second.....
hmm. this means,...my neighbors may have a real bitch session over it. this means people on-the-street,..office buildings, mailman, UPS, fedex,...hun you name it.
this means I will be using my normal deep barotone...bass voice...in a skirt..makeup, wig,...all of it.
you don't think people may have bad reactions?
these people know me as the guy.
some may not like my shoving it in their face..."oh hi, I wanna be a girlie now. ain't I just so cuuuute?"

I may have some folks refuse to serve me next time at the restaurant and there is nothing I can do about it. "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone"

fedex may have driver replacement issues....some may refuse to stop here.
and UPS.....
or anyone else.

even "I" have-to........stop and think 3 times before "I" get nutso and decide..."oh my...today is a wonderful day to piss off everyone I know"

so if I ..WAS you? and I ain't!

please??   think....decide later.

Hello Veronica,


                  Being a woman involves lots of things. Dressing, walking and voice are just visual aids to let people know which gender you are at first meeting or a casual glance, they do not make a person female.

                  There are a range of personalities and non visual traits in female and male genders but there are also similarities.  It is possible, but you would rarely hear a female say "Let's take it outside" or "Look at the rack on her".   A female walking around in a male body may pick up male traits as a defense against being found out by others.

                  What I'm getting to is, I think the first step of transition should be to start dropping those male traits and let Veronica start to come out. A dress will not do that, changing to female clothing as a first step will just result in people seeing a male in drag. People can vary in what they think is right but to give an example, if an aquaintance/friend or relative says "Look at the rack on her" if Veronica thinks that is inappropriate she can say "I don't think it's right to degrade women in that way".  Exercises like this start to let Veronica out. It will not be as fullfilling as being in the correct body but it is something you can start right now. If Veronica thinks a waitress made a cute change in her hair style, don't hold her back. Let her say, "Your hair looks cute that way". When people at the restauraunt come to know Veronica as a person it will be lots easier for them to accept her change of dress when that time comes.  This approach worked well for me.


beth

[Debbie_Anne]

Going full time is a very serious decision and should have a lot of thought going into it.  I waited quite awhile before I went full time, despite the fact that with my long hair and androgenous face, people were already calling me "ma'am" and "miss" at work.  (My friends still chuckle about how I was having trouble passing as a male.)  I had been going out as myself on whichever days I had off from work, but still working as "a guy, sort of" (my therapist's description of my male persona) until the last week of April of this year.  At that point, the stress of going back and forth added to the stress of my job was starting to take its toll on me, so I made plans with both my therapist and my job at a department store to go full time.   I was, quite frankly, scared silly throughout the whole process..."what if they don't accept me, what if I don't pass, what if I lose my job?" but I knew that I was at a point that if I didn't do this, I was going to make myself sick soon from all the stress.  I knew I couldn't control my workplace stressors, so I had to take control of the one thing that I could, and finally transition full-time.  It was a scary time for me, but I am so much happier now that I did.  But what I am saying is that it should be thought through very, very carefully before any descisions are made...this is your life you're gambling with. 

[veronica06]

yes...you speak truth..and even though I personally get on a soapbox...in my normal male self..and bitch, rant and rave like a wildman....about.."my truth"...this is..indeed one thing..this lil gray duck has not..attempted.  and probably should.
I have,,been told...this same thing..by someone else...and again I..fluffed it off.  I was doing my normal..."yeah okay, I'll get to it later..."

sigh

yes yes. I ..HAVE sorely neglected my female side..because...( here's my excuse ).....because I am still living all male.

someone here..made mention..writing styles differ and can usually tell whom is male and whom is female.

I guess there may indeed..be something to that.
and I am unsure at times exactly what ..style..I have..save except that..I type as I think..as I feel.

okay.
so I am no college boy. just a blue collar s.o.b.---not a redneck..but I..AM a good-ole-boy.

sigh

okay. I'll go stand in the corner and think about what you just said.

hopefully some day, I will figure out what typing female is...

and thank you beth dear.

deep breath...........

[Melissa]

yes yes. I ..HAVE sorely neglected my female side..because...( here's my excuse ).....because I am still living all male.

But you'll never live as female unless you start changing things.  An old chinese proverb goes: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  This certainly holds very true in this circumstance.

someone here..made mention..writing styles differ and can usually tell whom is male and whom is female.

That was Tinkerbell, but it's true.

I guess there may indeed..be something to that.
and I am unsure at times exactly what ..style..I have..save except that..I type as I think..as I feel.

A very good method indeed.  That's the same way I do it too.

so I am no college boy. just a blue collar s.o.b.---not a redneck..but I..AM a good-ole-boy.

Why do you keep referring to yourself as a "boy"?  I think part of the mental transition is to stop thinking of yourself as male.  It shows that you may still be quite a bit in denial over who you are.  Or maybe your not female?  Only you could answer that.

Melissa

[beth]

yes...you speak truth..and even though I personally get on a soapbox...in my normal male self..and bitch, rant and rave like a wildman....about.."my truth"...this is..indeed one thing..this lil gray duck has not..attempted.  and probably should.
I have,,been told...this same thing..by someone else...and again I..fluffed it off.  I was doing my normal..."yeah okay, I'll get to it later..."

sigh

yes yes. I ..HAVE sorely neglected my female side..because...( here's my excuse ).....because I am still living all male.

someone here..made mention..writing styles differ and can usually tell whom is male and whom is female.

I guess there may indeed..be something to that.
and I am unsure at times exactly what ..style..I have..save except that..I type as I think..as I feel.

okay.
so I am no college boy. just a blue collar s.o.b.---not a redneck..but I..AM a good-ole-boy.

sigh

okay. I'll go stand in the corner and think about what you just said.

hopefully some day, I will figure out what typing female is...

and thank you beth dear.

deep breath...........

Veronica,

                  Just let Veronica out.  Don't try to shape her to fit any stereotypical female or typing style. It will not happen overnite but if you let her out she will become stronger and eventually drop her male doctrination. Letting her come out at home when you are alone can be helpful. If veronica wants a bubble bath let her do that. Let her come to the surface a little at a time. If and when the time comes she has to come out fully she will be ready for the negative aspects as well as the positive of coming out. You may find it easier to let her surface if you can let her wear something during the day that is unseen, like a small pendant on a chain or anything you can think of. I believe you will gain some immediate relief from trying to relax and be yourself. Don't force it, just let her come out.


beth

[Kate]

yes yes. I ..HAVE sorely neglected my female side..because...( here's my excuse ).....because I am still living all male.

Keep in mind that lots of people consider themselves to have both strong male AND female sides. They generally live and function as males, but occasionally switch to their "femme persona" when they wish to explore their "feminine side." For many people, it's the best of both worlds. They get to keep their male lives and identity intact, yet get to enjoy their femininity as needed.

[cindianna_jones]

yes...you speak truth..and even though I personally get on a soapbox...in my normal male self..and bitch, rant and rave like a wildman....about.."my truth"...this is..indeed one thing..this lil gray duck has not..attempted.  and probably should.

sigh


and thank you beth dear.

deep breath...........

And we see the first steps....... 

Cindi