Tell us your story of your first time out.

[cindianna_jones]

The subject heading tells it all.  When was the first time you went out in your "new" self?  Group meetings dont' count.  I'm talking wandering out into the real world... doing something in public.

Cindi

[HelenW]

Curious.

Ah ain't dunnit yet!

Only to group meetings in another city - mostly at the request of my spouse although she hasn't had to work all that hard to convince me (fear!)

I guess that's the next step!

[Mario]

In 1986, when I left Illinois for California. DL was changed already, at that time I altered the gender myself, yes I suppose that is against the law, but anyway it was full force from the time I drove out of town.

After that there are too many stories

                                           Marco

                                               

[Dennis]

For me it wasn't intentional. I was going over to Vancouver for the weekend on the ferry. Had been on testosterone for about 6 months at that point and wasn't trying to dress either way or bind or anything.

On the way over, on Friday, all was the same as usual "yes ma'am, no ma'am". On the way back, on Sunday, everyone called me "sir". I stopped at the video store and they wouldn't believe I was the person on my ID. The next day, the bank gave me a hard time about my paycheque still being in my female name.

It was a bit of a surprise because I wasn't planning on going full time until September, and this happened in July. I still kept to my September plan for work purposes, but continued to pass as male outside work.

Dennis

[Julie Marie]

Do Halloween outings count?  Let's assume going out after a meeting doesn't count either.  And walking around the block in the cover of darkness with heart pounding shouldn't count since I doubt another soul saw me.

So then we have to go back to June 2004.  A TG friend took me to a gay bar.  I was worried.  How would they treat me?  The bartender greeted me happily, remembered my name and what I liked to drink.  He was very instrumental in making me feel comfortable.  But it took another year before I could venture out to straight places.  Now I do it all the time and I still find it enjoyable.

[beatrix]

There are two, kind of.  One was Halloween, but in the middle of the afternoon, I don't think it really "counts" as such.

I went to the mall, flanked by my wife (it was Halloween, she thought it was just fun, for me it was something else), and two very male friends.  I tried to hold her hand and she didn't go for that.  Lots of stares for being the 6 ft tall woman with pigtails, a skirt, and some awesome stockings.  No one said anything, really.  I think I did OK getting past, but I was tall, and even my wife said I was attractive (though I don't know if she was putting me on.)

The other one was at some party at college.  Me and my wife (girlfriend at the time), made out in the basement.  Some looks because I was totally in androgyne mode.

[LynnER]

My ex and I went to a quiet little "whatever" bar..... I didnt look good at all in my mind and I was paranoid beyond belief.... I didnt have clothes of my own yet so I was wearing hers LoL...

Anyways after a few drinks I calmed down and relaxed.  She and I danced a few songs in the empty dance room and played some pool where I was coached on how not to shoot like a guy......

At the end of the night a very nice old man came up to talk to us, asked about me and how I identified and after telling him he smiled and bought me a rose and told me I was beautiful and not to worry... Id turn out great 

[DawnL]

If you have a few minutes, this is the account I posted in September 2004 here at Susan's of my first outing:

So last Thursday I left home, stopped at a wonderful place in Chicago called Rori's Transformations and had a full make-over. Rori's caters to the trans community and treated me wonderfully. At 1:30 in the afternoon I emerged into the bright Chicago sunshine as Dawn. I looked and felt great. I wasn't bad for a middle-aged woman.

I had plans to shop shop shop, but as soon as I walked into Gurnee Mills Mall, I was utterly paralyzed with fear. My walk was good, my look was good, but surely everyone must know that I was a guy in woman's clothing? But nobody looks, nobody does a double take. Someone speaks to me, eek! my voice comes out too high! But no funny look.

I walk walk walk until I finally summon the courage to walk into MacDonald's and order fries and a soda. My throat is parched and hoarse from practice. I can't speak right, it's too high again--I'll never get this right. I finally relax and start shopping, shoes, skirts, tops, there's too many choices, I spend two hours there and yet it seemed like five minutes. I check out. Again my voice is too high. The woman next to me does a double take. The cashier never blinks--she's probably heard all sorts of funny voices. I shop some more, but finally need to retreat to hotel nearby to catch my breath, but not for long. Back out to Border's and there I spend an hour in women's studies--I have to study if I'm going to join the club.

Have to eat so I go to Applebee's and get a table--a single woman would never sit at the bar. I was prim and proper and pulled it off except this guy keeps staring at me and I know it's not because he knows, he doesn't. He's checking me out and he's middle-aged and bald and oh my God! This I don't want! I should go to the hotel and rest it but I don't. I'm an idiot? I don't know. I go to Target and buy beauty supplies. There are women all around and no one seems to notice, just the lightning-quick up and down look all women give other women. I find myself doing it...she looks nice in that...wow honey, lose 30 pounds before you wear that....

The icing? At the checkout, a perky young clerk says, "gee ma'am, I really like your hair." I blush, though who would know under all that clay? I go to the hotel, have a glass of wine and pass out. It's hard being a woman, especially when you're a guy. I'm certain my REM sleep is filled with bad images of my exposure as a fraud.

I awake and my first thought is "I can't do this!" Time to go home and end this silliness. I dress in drab to grab breakfast quick so I walk to MacDonald's, order and pay, and suddenly realize my nails are painted a beautiful mauve. The young Hispanic chick flashes shock and then a smirk. She thinks I'm gay! Great, now I have to find a place to sit and not be noticed lest some rough boys decide to mess me up (I think of Matthew Shepherd and I'm not much bigger) I do have a black belt if need be. I eat breakfast and escape with my life.

I take a long walk. It's these little things that will get me, the nails, other little slip ups. My earlier decision to give up is wavering. I have PTSD and that's how I respond to stress--minimize the problem to nothing: see, I'm not really TS, this is all BS, I'll go home, forget this foolish trip...

I can't. I am TS. This is really really unfair. Why is it so hard to just be who I am? Wigs, makeup, why can't I just walk out into the day and have people see me as Dawn, a small plain middle-aged woman? I curse God. I have so many times my place in hell is assured. Oh well.

Time to shower and make myself up as Dawn--I'm going to do it again despite any misgivings. Today, it's the museums and I'm looking forward to wandering around as a woman. I wear a long skirt. What an idiot! All the women have jeans and shorts and capri pants on because they know what's comfortable and they still manage to look good. Regardless I seem to pass completely. I had the good sense to bring jeans and changed before I went to the Aquarium. Ah, much better.

The light is better here. I get read. A girl nods her head, boyfriend snickers. Damn. I think about leaving. Nope, I'm going to stick it out. Awhile later, same thing, another chick looks, looks again, says something to the boyfriend, he looks and shakes his head. I figure it out. Must be my Adam's apple, quite prominent in side view. Still, 2000 other people don't seem to notice or care. No one has threatened to kill me or even said a word. I try and believe this will get easier as I make a mental note to schedule a trach shave on Monday!

I head back to the hotel thinking of going home again--this is all just too hard. Maybe I'll come back next month when my voice is better, that feels like my weak link. I shower thinking "quit" but suddenly the make-up is going on again and I'm know I'm going out, to dinner, dressed to the nines! I brought a two-piece business suit in a charcoal blue. I've just bought really nice black pumps with a diamond claps and I've got gold jewelry. I look really good. I'm also terrified. Seems like I've pushed the odds enough on this trip and now I'm going out in an outfit sure to draw attention?

I keep telling myself no no no but my van forces me to drive to Applebees again and then I'm at a table reading "InStyle" pulling it off, just another business woman out for dinner. Yes yes yes, I did it! I sleep very well again, the day has left me exhausted.

Okay, so maybe I have to shop another day. This time I dress before breakfast, no confusion about the nails today. I put on a better look for the mall but then the reality of being TS intrudes. I talk to my spouse who is away for the weekend with a sister-in-law who knows. The sister-in-law says my family will completely disown me if I come out. I get angry and mad and sad and sullen and finally defiant. If I have to do this alone, I guess I do it alone. I don't feel like shopping anymore.

A maid enters my room for the second time in three days without knocking. I complain to the front desk by phone. She says, "sorry sir" and I say "it's ma'am!" Still, that damn voice. I leave, head held high as Dawn. Somewhere in Kenosha County I become him again. Tonight, I'm home alone as Dawn, something I'll probably have to get used to. Still, seems worth it to me--just to be me.

Dawn

[Jillieann Rose]

This is a repeat for some of you from another posting
called "I had a the most wonderful day". It happened last winter.

I had the most wonderful day, yesterday.
Was looking in the mirror after shaving and got the craziest idea.
So first I put on a little foundation on my face and neck.
Some blush on my cheeks and than I took a pencil and darken my eyebrows.
My eyelashes are already dark and long so I left them alone.
I put on some lipstick and a set of fake nails; my nails are still too short.
After putting a little padding, a white pullover, a pink sweater, my white ladies jeans,  teen shoes, a pair of small gold earrings, my wife's light weight winter coat and a light blue stocking hat I got into the car and headed for the mall. When I got to the mall I grabbed my purse, which I had put my wallet and other things, and walked into. At that moment I almost had a panic attack, but I was so determined to wall around the mall a couple of time no matter what anyone might think. I know how to talk, walk and act like a woman, I grew up with two sisters.
After ten minutes of walking without looking at anyone and my head down, I began to peek at people I was passing. No one seemed to notice me. I got a little braver and began looking at people as I pass them, they would glance at me and than look away just like they always do when I'm dressed as a man. Then my nose started to run. I had forgot to put an tissue in my purse so head for the bathrooms. I knew I couldn't go into the men's so hurried into the woman's and pass a couple of ladies and got into a stall.  Took care of my problem and than I when the bathroom sounded empty went to a mirror to check my makeup. Two women came in looked at me as the passed by and went into a couple of stalls without giving me a second glance.
I was in heaven.
I realized that I was being accepted as the woman I am. Finally I could be my true self; a woman, in her environment, shopping in a mall.
After that I held my head up, smile at the children waiting for Santa, look everyone in the face and for the next two hours I walked and shopped in the stores.
I checked out the ladies dresses at Sears, shoes at Payless, and some bras and makeup at the Target store.
Not wanting this to end I went to Myers and shopped for a gift for my SO. She loves cloths and jewelry. But I had one small problem. I realized I couldn't use my credit card, my name and ID would be wrong.
Anyway it was a great day and I will do it again. Next time I will have more cash in my purse.
I hope this will encourage someone.

I still do hope this will encourage others.
Jillieann

[Melissa]

There were times for me.  One that happened before I knew I was transsexual and one that happened after.  I took these from things I wrote up at the time and modified the text to fit in better.

The first time happnened with a group I volunteered for at a haunted house.  We had a special night with some drag queens and I was challenged to dress up as a woman.  At first I turned it down, because it was made jokingly, but then I decided to do it.  It was something I had always wanted to do and I knew I would regret it if I missed the opportunity.

I had gotten my "costume" together which consisted of a shirt, skirt, tights, boots, and a cardigan (I still have these clothes and have worn them since going fulltime).  I was very nervous when I got there. I had to wait for my wife because she was going to help me with my makeup, but she ended up being way too busy.

I decided I would just do it myself, but was finding excuses to not change. I was asked to deliver some water to Biohazard and decided to take advantage and "accidentally spill" water on my men's clothes and effectively forcing myself to change into the only other clothes I had.

I went into the bathroom and changed my clothes and threw my wig on (boy that was a bad wig). I spent about 10 minutes doing my makeup in the men's bathroom and having people comment that they thought they had entered the wrong bathroom.

The response I received from people was very positive and I really liked the real drag queens. They made me feel very special.

When the night ended, I decided I would like to drive home as a woman, since I figured I would never have the chance to do it again. On the way home my stepson commented the "I was showing my true colors" which was intended as an insult, but I took it anyway. We had to stop for gas and my wife decided to fill it, so I wouldn't have to interact with any people who weren't friends while dressed up.

I got home and the babysitter saw me dressed up and I was not in any hurry to change my clothes (although the wig was somewhat uncomfortable, so I removed it) and I sat and watched a movie with my son while dressed up and waited for my wife to return. I went to bed with her and we watched a movie and I slowly undressed a little, but not completely. I eventually fell asleep while still dressed up, but changed my clothes in the middle of the night.  It was just too hard getting out of them, thinking I would never get a chance to do that again.

The other incident happened after my second support group meeting at a restaurant that was TG friendly. Afterwards, I decided I wasn't ready to go home.  I wanted to try going out into a public place as a woman rather than a transgendered person.  I didn't have much money on me, so I chose to go to walmart and do some looking around.

Me and my wife went in together as a couple of women to do some "shopping".  Well, we got called "ladies" and I even tried on a shirt in the dressing room and the "dressing room guard" acted normal.  I guess my voice was feminine enough.  I didn't get any odd stares, snickers, funny looks, double takes or anything.  It felt really good to do that.  I had a lot of confidence when I went in, but had so much more when I came out.  Being treated like a lady was so moving for me.  It was an experience I will be thinking about.

Melissa

[Chaunte]

It was me and Rosie (the dog) at the house.  Everyone was away for a week.

I had taken the day off.  It was time to see who I really was.

Jeans, knit top.  Did my face and hair.  I looked in the mirror and saw a woman.  The confidence level was running strong.  I grabbed my purse and I was out the door!

My first stop was down the NY Thruway to my favorite & only stylist.  I was simply another woman in her shop.  Wash, trim and style.  A little conversation on what I had planned.  It felt heavenly!

I was then off to meet a friend of mine who knew about me, but had never seen me in person.  She was a little apprehensive about the encounter, but gave me a hug when I arrived.  She cooks at a daycare facility and wandering in is allowed.  We chatted and had a cup of coffee.  A couple of her workmates came in for various things.  Neither of us flinched and they didn't comment.  I was clocked, but still accepted.

By now, the confidence level was into overdrive.

I stopped back at my stylist.  Slipped out of my jeans and put on a skirt.  Yes, it was in the restroom!  (unisex)

Back on the thruway and off to my counselor.  I had permission to arrive as me whenever I wanted, so I knew this would be okay.

For once, I beat her to the office.  I walked in, sat down and red a magazine on parenting.  She walked in and said, "Oh, you beat me!"

Then she really looked at me.  Her jaw made a resounding thud as it hit the ground.  She squeeled, "You look great!!!!"

It was a great session.  Her first question was ,"How do you feel?"

"I feel normal," I said.  "For the first time in my life, I feel normal."

That April day was the most pivotal since I first accepted that Dr. Jeckyl is Ms. Hyde.  Up until that day, I had been extremely cautious about who I was.  I am a scientist.  I didn't want to bias the data as I tried to discover where I fit on this transgender spectrum.

This day was the data point I needed.

This was the day I stopped seeing myself as lost, and started seeing myself as transexual.

In many ways, this was the day when my universe changed.

Chaunte

[umop ap!sdn]

Is it just TG group meetings that don't count or can I post about the time I went to a bisexual group and almost nobody noticed? (This was pre laser and pre-HRT.)

If not, then I guess my first time out was probably to some restaurant or coffee shop somewhere. I don't remember specifically, although I do know I didn't go alone. Rarely am I read, unless most people just don't let on.

Umm... don't hate me. 

[Sheila]

I remember my first time out in the public. I was scared, but really wanted to make things right with the world. It was in 2002 and the story of Gwen Aroyou (spelling) was out that she had been murdered. I read that and cried. I was on hormones at the time and was semi out. I wouldn't go out in the day time and only wear androgynous clothes. Then the city tried to get gender Identity into the ordinance and it failed cause of our Mayor, Jim Torrey who is running for state senate in Oregon. Well, there happen to be a forum on a saturday night and someone asked if I was going and I said sure. Then it snowballed and they asked if I could speak and be on the panel I took a deep breath and said sure. Mind you, I had never spoke in front of people before and now I would be dressed and I didn't know how many people would be there. The auditorium held about 300 people, but was expected to be very many. I was scared to death, but was going to do this for Gwen and to try and get Gender Identity back in the circle again. I thought that Gwen was only 18 and she was out and proud of who she was and I was 53 years old and I was also proud but scared. If she could die for who she was then I could at least go in front of people and tell everyone that this is something that is not a choice and that there are thousands out there just like me and Gwen. Well, there were about 100 people there, including Leigh, and I gave my first talk in front of all those people, most of which I had never met, and I thought I did a good job. I was dressed very nice and it was a pleasure to have met Leigh for the first time. After that, I never went back into the closet and vowed never to be in a captive situation again. I will be open and free. I have given several talks after that and now I don't do that anymore. I am who I am.
Sheila

[Catherine]

The subject heading tells it all.  When was the first time you went out in your "new" self?  Group meetings dont' count.  I'm talking wandering out into the real world... doing something in public.

Cindi

I have been out and about many times now the first was to a Chinese takeaway in Amsterdam. I am over 6feet tall and was wearing heels nobody gave me a second look. Although you can tell quite easilly that I am still a man.

One of my other times was to one of the Gay bars in Amsterdam. It is well known for its trans staff. I went there on the underground dress to the nines. Leather trousers, pink jumper and brown suede boots with a three inch heel. ( I looked good even though I am large)  I sat at the bar (there is no where else) and had a drink listening to the music.

After about 30 minutes a young man walkes in and sits by me and offers me a drink. He was young and good looking and was looking for something more than I was able to give him. I told him this was my first time out and nervous as anything and he was fine and said we should just talk and have a good time.

He bought me a couple more drinks and took me to a restaurant for some sushi. We went back to the bar for a few more drinks and I told him I had to go home. He was so nice and made me feel like a special lady

I havent seem him again and I am not sure what he would expect if we did meet again.

[Atrian]

My first time was the 26th of August this year

I was meeting my bf ( a very cute ftm by the name of Adam) for the first time face to face, as he lives in Ireland. H was on holiday in London for a few days, so I got the train down to meet him. We wandered around the british museum and Camden Market for the afternoon. I was binding, and thankfully my normal wardrobe is pretty unisex so I didn't have to wear anything different.
I was such a good afternoon.. and sitting in Camden on a bit of wall after wandering the market, hugging and kissing my boy was the highlight

[sheila18]

   I was 16 and everyone was out for the next 3 hours.
i borrowed this psychodelic dress with pants like legs open in the back, no bra! , i borrowed a pair of sandals my size (long story) and makeup, i wasted 20 minutes at the door peeking out before i got the courage, i knew that once i went out that door all bets were off and probably the neighboors would tell on me. Out of nowhere the fear of not knowing and not doing it was greater than any fear of punishment or being arrested.
  Out i went and the men followed me, i was so nervous and unsure until this man in his 40's clocked me (probably every one did? ) and told me to stop, he dragged me by this closed restaurant and fondled me, but let me go when i told him how old i was, call me when you get older he said,   talk about being disapointed this was probably my only chance in life i thought ...i got home and discovered that i was exhilarated ...i was hooked what an adrenaling shot!
15 years later i learned about the more glorious estrogen high( is my belief) ...so sweet and seductive
sheila18