Parents questioned me about my hair

[ericc]

I'm trying to grow my hair out and my parents keep questioning me about it like "Why do you just want your bangs cut"+"How long do you want to grow your hair to about"? Then they come to the conclution "Well your an adult, that's your hair so I guess you make your own choices".

It's good they finally came to that conclution but they still question me about it from time to time.

I don't want my hair short for a reason.

I have a strong reason.

Most men are Masculine and have short hair and I strongly feel that I am NOT one of them. In the coming years, I want to look more Androgynous. I don't feel Masculine so why should I conform to these norms. As a teen, I put up with it but as I am now 21 and realised that I'm Non-Binary Gendered, I should stand up for myself.


It's really really painful being in a world where everyone is a Gender conforming Heterosexual and the only other people out there simular to me are LGBT but at the same time Non-Binaries are very rare or not noticed much.

I hate it when someone sees me as a MAN! I have a male body, so what. Why do I need to conform to this Masculine Gender role? Even though I am Trigendered, I feel the only time that I'm Masculine is when I'm having fun but that's it. Most of the time I'm Androgyne or Genderless and I'm very Feminine at night.

But yeah, I told my parents before that I was Androgyne, I had to keep it breif and simple because it was extremely hard for them to understand. I had to leave out that I was also half Bigendered. (Androgyne + Bigendered = Trigender from what I've discovered for myself). They asked me "You aren't going to Crossdress, are you?" I told them no but it's hard to answer to that when I'm not in feminine mode. I feel like different people since I have 3 genders, the only thing is, is that all three of these people inside me have the same name, my name. That's my theory on that.

I'll be living on my own very soon but I fear that my parents are going to bud in even more into my life as I become more and more Androgynous.

Before I was having Anxiety attacks because not only I have Asperger's Syndrome but It was becoming harder and harder to stay hidden inside the closet.

But now as I get out of the closet, I want to stay out, I want to be who I feel I am, iqnoring Gender Roles.

My parents worry about me all the time and how I look towards Society. I don't. I feel if I'm not hurting anybody, what's the worry?

I'm just going to get my bangs cut a little bit tomarrow but the rest of my hair stays long. My parents are probably going to discuss this with me tomarrow again. *sigh* it's very difficult.

[Nicky]

It is tough. You are at an age where you are and should have your own independence, but it can be a transitional period. Firstly you may be unused to your own independence, and then your parents are not used to it either after all these years. Some parents never really let go, some kids never break away from their parents influence or 'authority'.

I think if you want to take a stand then you need to clearly state that your hair is not up for discussion, they can cry amongst themselves if they feel the need to. Leave it at that, refuse to be drawn into any other conversation about it.

[dominik]

Keep the hair long dude, enjoy fully whatever you do. Nobody can tell you how to grow up, that's ridiculous because each person perceives the world and hirself differently, sometimes a bit, sometimes radically.

[Jaimey]

I used to get questioned a lot, but now most of my family leaves me alone.  When people ask, just say, "because I like it that way."  Eventually, they'll give up.  It's your hair and you have the right to wear it however you want! 

[petiteduality]

I used to get questioned a lot, but now most of my family leaves me alone.  When people ask, just say, "because I like it that way."  Eventually, they'll give up.  It's your hair and you have the right to wear it however you want! 

Right! And we are in the XXI century. Our parents might be from the XX century, but hey!, hippies existed back them too 

What is it with the long hair? Why does it bothers some people?

[Simone Louise]

I don't know what it is about hair (beards, too, but that's a subject for another time), but it does bother people. When I was young, my mother would threaten to tie it up with a ribbon; the 1950s were very up tight. I was a big fan of Rebel Without a Cause and wished I had the nerve to defy my parents the way James Dean's character did.

Now, my wife sometimes complains that my hair is longer than hers or our daughter's (aged 19). And the hair style is a subject for discussion. She did not like it hanging loose. Both she and daughter said forcefully that I could not go outside the house with pigtails. She is semi-OK with a brown plastic hairband. My ponytail is the preferred compromise.

I love the way long hair looks and feels. As a ponytail, it is easy to keep looking neat. When I was younger and went to a beauty parlor, women would come stop me to tell me what nice hair I had. Now it is streaked with gray; I don't have it cut or styled; and I don't get those compliments. Sigh.

I, too, don't like to be seen as a MAN. I don't relate to MEN. Sometimes, we just need to let others have contrary opinions, and respect their rights while quietly being ourselves.

S

[dominik]

That's what androginity is all about, realizing you don't fit in the classical bipolar scheme of genders, accepting yourself, and then not giving a ->-bleeped-<- about it because nobody will tell you who you are.

[ericc]

Because of job reseasons, I have no other choice but to cut my hair short. I don't want to but my parents and everyone else thinks it's best. It's a sad day to be a Non-Binary for me. Now my appearance is going to be reack, how are people going to know that I'm Non-Binary? Because of these stupid Gender Norms of Society, it's either look how I feel vs. Getting a job in order to survive. I'll be going to the barber shop after my therapist appointment, if you can just tell me your experience or feelings about how society wants us to conform in order to get a job that would make me feel a lot better. For awhile I've felt alone and felt that I was the only Non-Binary on the planet, now matters are worst because of another haircut issue.

Even though I'm 21, I feel that I don't have enough self-confidence to stand up for myself, esspecially because I don't know what the real world looks at things and what they discriminate when it comes to looking for a job.

My Step Mother told me that I'm no longer a "Boy" and I'm a "MAN", then she asked if she's right. I just stood there feeling like I wanted to shake my head no. I was depressed before that I couldn't find any Non-Binaries, now because of this job interview and looking good for society, my chances for finding friends is even more rare!

[Constance]

Most men are Masculine and have short hair and I strongly feel that I am NOT one of them. In the coming years, I want to look more Androgynous. I don't feel Masculine so why should I conform to these norms. As a teen, I put up with it but as I am now 21 and realised that I'm Non-Binary Gendered, I should stand up for myself.

My last haircut was in late October 2008. My mom also complains about my hair ... and I'll be 40 next month. I, too, am a non-binary gender variant. Gender-fluid or gender-flux is how I usually refer to myself.

I've not yet let my folks know of my gender and sexual identity. Why bother? It's none of their business. My dad's a bigot (xenophobe, homophobe, transphobe, you-name-it-phobe). Maybe I'll let them know some day. Till then, who cares.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Some parents will be cool with these things, some won't. Even 20 years after their kids move out.

[ericc]

Even though I got my haircut and I have to change my appearance for the interview and work setting, I learned that it's not going to change who I am both personality wise and as a Non-Binary Trigender Transgender.

[darkenedcorridor]

Even though I got my haircut and I have to change my appearance for the interview and work setting, I learned that it's not going to change who I am both personality wise and as a Non-Binary Trigender Transgender.

Thats how you have to look at it. My work requires me to wear a button up shirt and tie, but not being able to look exactly how I like all the time does not change who I am.

Plus unless you're surrounded by mirrors you don't have to worry about how you look all the time. Just act like you feel and don't worry too much about it if you can't change things.

[KYLYKaHYT]

My work requires me to wear rubber PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) as protection from toxic substances that I work with. So yeah, I'm definitely glad to know that my on-the-job appearance in no way reflects my personality or gender identity. (at least I hope it doesn't.)    

[Kinkly]

To survive in the world it is necessary to conform in certain situations we may not like it but it doesn't stop us from being who we are even if others think I'm conforming There is always something they can't see so I don't hate myself

[Diane Elizabeth]

      Hi Eric,  I went through the same pressure groing up as several others have pointed out.  As a teen in the sixties I let my hair grow out a bit (early beatles length).  My parents had me on a tight rein I guess.  I was raised to be obedient to mother and father.  Then I left home for the military.  Of course my hair had to be short then.  After a career in the "establishment" I kept my hair short out of habit.  Then, too, I was in a job that was best suited for short hair (wearing PPE).  Last year I was booted up and no longer wear it on a daily basis.  Now I let my hair grow out about 5" and fighting off the world  (teasing & harrassment) have kept it long for aover a year.  I have not had one person come out in support of my long hair other than on the internet.   So I feel that I cannot trust those around me for when I want to go to get my ears peirced. 
     So hang tough.  Don't let your parents run your life.  But be respectful of them.  My mother doesn't say anything more now about my hair choices.  Wait til she sees my new hair color.  Thats all another story.  DyLen

[kalina]

I'm an IT Director at a university. I meet dozens of people every day. Very few people give a damn what other people look like here. They only care if you're exceptionally talented. There are guys here who have hair down to their butts and there are girls here who have crewcuts. I've been growing my hair out and it's almost shoulder-length. I keep it pulled back with a small headband. I'm a bit older than you, though, and I have a lot of seniority here so I can get away with a lot more things than a newbie, but you'll find our environment to be pretty diverse.