Conscience

[Malana]

Hi everyone!

When I transitioned on-the-job at my middle school in 2000, the principal was unsupportive.  Today I learned that he just dropped dead of a heart attack.  I'm troubled by the fact that I have very mixed emotions and I know people expect me to attend the funeral.  Can I simply say that funerals are not my hing and beg off in good conscience?  I'm the type that will toss and turn over this.

Any feedback will be welcome...thanks in advance!

Malana

[LostInTime]

I would go and just not stay long.

[tinkerbell]

I would definitely go, pay my respects to the family and stay for a bit.  Whatever issues and discrepancies you and this person had are over now.  Nothing you do will change what this person did or said, but I honestly think that you'd feel better with yourself by letting the past be exactly that, the past.


tinkerbell

[BrandiOK]

  Funerals are ceremonies for the benefit of friends and loved ones....if you don't wish to attend then don't.   You don't owe this person anything and that includes your attendance at his funeral.

  My "guideline" for whether I attend a funeral or not is what I thought about this person.  I'm not going to pretend I liked someone simply because they died.  I've seen too many funerals that were packed with people that I knew disliked the deceased.  They walk around and talk about what a nice person the deceased was and how much they thought of them.  It's hypocritical and, for me at least, I can't stand it.

  You may have respected the mans authority but that doesn't mean you had to respect the man.  You most certainly can tell them that funerals are not your thing and do so with good conscience.  My person opinion is I've been to too many funerals already...I think I left a little bit of myself at each one of them.  I can't afford to lose anymore of myself so unless it's a dear friend or a family member who I care about then I'm not going to anymore. 

  Hope you come to a decision that you are comfortable with Malana

[stephanie_craxford]

Hi everyone!

When I transitioned on-the-job at my middle school in 2000, the principal was unsupportive.  Today I learned that he just dropped dead of a heart attack.  I'm troubled by the fact that I have very mixed emotions and I know people expect me to attend the funeral.  Can I simply say that funerals are not my hing and beg off in good conscience?  I'm the type that will toss and turn over this.

Any feedback will be welcome...thanks in advance!

Malana

I guess the first question that you need to ask yourself is why do you need to go.  I'm assuming that you not longer work at the middle school or the pricipal was no longer working at the middle school.  He wasn't family, he wasn't a loved one or a distant relative, he wasn't a close friend, your best friend, friend or mentor, it seems he was an aquaintance and a fellow human being!!!

If you didn't go would this cause you heart ach in any way?  Do you need closure of some kind?  Is there a need for you to say something over his remains?  Is there a need for you to say a final "thank you" or "good bye"?

It comes do to - Will you be able to live with yourself if you didn't go.

Steph

[RebeccaFog]

Hi,

   I agree with the people who say "do go".

   Like Steph said, you may get closure from the experience.
   In my own life, I've found that I often require resolution to my feelings and for eras that have passed. Whether you liked the person or not, you seem to have unresolved feelings concerning his disapproval of you. In the long run, you obviously have carried on without that man's support and you may find some kind of release in acknowledging this by attending his funeral.
   Think of it as a small ritual that will maybe allow you to dispense with some uneasy feelings.

   You may also dump any negative feelings you have by using some personal introspection and, if you feel that you can do that, you don't necessarily have to attend the ceremony.

  My concern is just that you don't allow yourself to retain any anger or bitterness over the past. This man's death seems to have dredged up some issues. It is not the man, but the issues, that you want to deal with.


  Take care of yourself,

Rebecca

[Rana]

Hi Malana.

Personally I think that people should only attend the funerals of those who have had significance for them in their lives - to attend because its expected smacks a bit of hypocrisy.

However what Rebecca says makes a huge amount of sense.  After all he did have significance of a sort to you, and by attending and forgiving him - its closure for you (and him also when you think of it)

Rana

[Chaunte]

Hi, Malana!

My suggestion would be to attend the funeral. 

Chaunte

[Elizabeth]

Malana,

I did not attend my fathers funeral.  I simply had no respects to pay, to anyone. If there is a political consequence for not attending, as in it could affect your job, I would attend.  If on the other hand you no longer work there and there are no consequences for not attending, than you are free to do as your own conscience dictates.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Malana]

Lost, Tinkerbell, Brandi, Steph, Rebecca, Rana, Chaunte, Elizabeth & Rommie,

Thank you ever so much for all the constructive feedback.  So many excellent points have been made!  The service is set for 5 pm Monday, and after a full day with my fourth grade students, I've decided that I'll just take a pass.  I have no need to "see and be seen" and sending a note of condolence to the family seems to be a more appropriate response in this instance...at least for me.

It's nice to know that I have friends out here in cyberland that take the time to offer such thought replies.  Thanks again!

Malana