(sigh) Let's take a look. So you want to be a gay, female-bodied man because you think it would be easier than being a girl. Please fill out the following RTWBT (Reality-To-Would-Be-->-bleeped-<-) questionaire:
1) Are you willing to forsake the love and respect of most (or all) of your family, friends, and loved ones if they reject your new identity?
2) Are you willing to be viewed as an aberration and a freak by many of the people who once or would have otherwise respected you?
3) If you do not want to be viewed as a "man" with an asterisk "*used to be a girl and doesn't have a penis" for the rest of your life, are you willing to pack up and leave behind everything you know and cherish?
4) Are you willing to subject yourself to (and pay for) months of therapy for your T prescription? Furthermore, are you willing to lie to the therapist by claiming to have actual dysphoria (instead of just thinking "being a gay guy would totally rock")?
5) You want to be a gay man. Are you willing to accept that 99% of gay men will not want to be in a relationship (or even have a plain old one-night-stand) with you because you do not have a penis? Are you okay with the fact that many gay men will accuse you of being "fake" and will tell you to "come back when you don't have a vagina" (an actual quote I remember from a thread here about gay mens' reactions to FTMs)? Are you okay with being viewed as "the worst yaoi fangirl/->-bleeped-<-hag ever" and not as an actual man by a great deal of gay men?
6) Are you willing to risk going bald and growing forests of back and butt-crack hair?
7) Since you're genetically female, unless you're like Miniar (I think he's 6 ft), you're probably well below average male height (5' 9.5" for white men in America). Are you okay with being a short man, and all the social dissrespects that go with it?
Are you willing to submit yourself to expensive and painful surgery (top surgery) and more expensive and painful surgery (hysterectomy) in order to become legally male? And if you're considering bottom surgery, are you willing to submit yourself to EXTREMELY expensive and painful surgery only to wind up with either a not-very-functional or ridiculously-small neophallus and plastic testicles?
9) Are you willing to fight with multiple bureaucracies and leap through endless legal hoops in order to become legally male?
10) Are you willing to be shunned by many employers for your gender identity and to risk being jobless for extremely extended periods of time unless you find a TG-friendly employer?
11) If you begin a new life as a male after all of this, are you willing to accept that at any moment someone could do a background check on you, find out your TG status and out you to the entire community?
12) Are you willing to render yourself impotent (with T and/or a hysto) for the rest of your life? Are you willing to risk never having genetic children?
13) Are you willing to do all in questionss 1-12 just because you think "being a gay man would be the best thing ever"?
Being transgender is not fun. Being transgender is not easy. Being transgender is not "the best thing ever". FTMs transition because they find the prospect of living in a female body to be worse than death; they transition because their only alternative would be to commit suicide. They do not transition because they think it would be "fun". I recommend that you go to a therapist with a lot of FTM patient experience and let him/her figure out what's up with you. Meanwhile, weigh everything horrible and agonizing about transitioning and living as an FTM (for the REST OF YOUR LIFE) against your desire to have sex with gay men.
