i came across an FML about a transman...

[finewine]

[...]
If he were post-op and could perform normally though? Or in that case would it be analoguous to whether a woman disclosed her breast implants? 

Well clearly that's a different scenario and this is where we need to be careful not to alter the original premise just to secure a point of outrage.  (Not that I'm saying you're doing this, Nero).

[Nero]

Well clearly that's a different scenario and this is where we need to be careful not to alter the original premise just to secure a point of outrage.  (Not that I'm saying you're doing this, Nero).

I don't think anyone's outraged. Just wonder if people's objections to his actions is because he can't perform or because he's trans, or both.

[finewine]

I don't think anyone's outraged. Just wonder if people's objections to his actions is because he can't perform or because he's trans, or both.

Indeed sir - and on that latter point, if you're referring to people here, I don't believe it is just because he's trans.  That may be what precipitated his deception but I don't think anyone is trying to assert that his trans-ness is inherently deceptive.  Certainly my criticism is around his behaviour, not his gender.

I'm only really speaking up on this because our sensitivities sometimes skew our perceptions

[Nero]

Oh, I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking is it about genitals or his past? But, ah it's late and I'm probably tangling this with prior arguments on the general subject. 

[finewine]

Oh, I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking is it about genitals or his past? But, ah it's late and I'm probably tangling this with prior arguments on the general subject. 

Your point does still tackle a valid concern, old bean.   In a way, there's going to be some overlap...I mean, how could he talk about his genitals without it leading to his past?  As soon as he says he can't perform/impregnate/whatever, her immediate question is going to be "oh - why not?"

Then again, if you're that serious with someone that you're going to marry them, does it really seem rational to withhold materially relevant information?

[Aussie Jay]

I agree he should have said something! Whether it be to bring up that he can't father children biologically or that he has a condition with his dick when asked why, if he really has just put his past waaaaayyyy behind him to never be mentioned again, burned all photos etc, could he not have said something like he was born intersex? Or that he was in an accident or something along those lines to explain the function (or lack thereof)?
If he truly felt that saying he 'used to be a "girl"', is a FtM transsexual, transgender whatever, was just so traumatizing saying ANYTHING else could have breached that gap and still given his now wife a chance to love him for who he really is as he wanted. Telling her nothing was not the answer. And as has been said before, if he trusted her enough to propose and want to spend the rest of his life with her - he should have said something. But I would be interested to know the full extent of the conversation like did they discuss kids and even sex etc to a lesser extent? Did he make promises he was never going to be able to keep?
Maybe thats why she is so pissed??? Just my 2c fellas...
Cheers
Jay

[Miniar]

He told her that he would give her something he couldn't give.
He told her he "wanted to wait until marriage to get it on".

It doesn't make him less of a man, it makes him a liar.

If an infertile man would tell a woman "I want to wait until we're married to have a baby", he too would be a liar.

[tekla]

Legally - and this goes back into almost pre-history - a marriage has to be consummated (you have to get it on) for it to be valid in the first place.  Though that law has changed a bit, a non-consummated marriage does not need a divorce, but can simply be annulled.

[Alex_C]

Nero you make a good point, plenty of cis people get head over heels in love and then after the marriage it's "Darling, I didn't tell you but .... I'm a felon" etc.

[sd]

He told her that he would give her something he couldn't give.
He told her he "wanted to wait until marriage to get it on".

It doesn't make him less of a man, it makes him a liar.

If an infertile man would tell a woman "I want to wait until we're married to have a baby", he too would be a liar.

Well said.

[Jay]

Yeah I think he should've told her. What's in his pants does matter, especially when sex is involved. Used car salesman indeed. I'm sure his wife expected a functional penis and he knew it.

SilverFang

I agree.

Jay

[Silver]

dancing pants cobra

Lol, that's a new one to me.

SilverFang

[Alex_C]

Haha that must be the metrosexual cousin of the one-eyed trouser snake.

[tekla]

Most guys wait at least a year before becoming a total disappointment to their wife.