Normally I wouldn't actually post something this trivial...but today was bad enough to where I had to rant.
First, some background...My parents flipped over me transitioning under their roof...so I stopped dressing as a guy and more like my parents approved of for a while, for about 3 years (when I finally moved out of their house and out of the house of anyone that would kick me out on the street as soon as they found me)...in the time, I kept everything that I had in the hopes that once I was financially stable, or at least confident enough, I could pick my real life up again and continue with my plans...and hope that it went better with the 'rents because I was no longer a "confused teen", but an adult that can make choices for myself. During those three years I moved...4 times, once out of country...and my binder as well as most of my male clothing actually got 'misplaced' by my mother, who was storing it...so I had to make due with the 'poor man's option. Now, I have some back problems that run in the family (my mom's actually had to have spinal surgery because of it) that seem to be aggravated by binding with ACE bandages/sport bra combo like I've been doing...so I was told no binding unless I could find a binder with back support. One's in the mail on order finally...but until I get the package, I'm stuck with a sports bra under a sports tank with layers of clothing (which doesn't really hide them, but makes them tolerable around the house).
But today, I went clothes shopping.
It's been a while since I've felt that awkward in public...because of the pressure on my chest I would sort of forget that my chest wasn't properly bound and conducted myself as normal. Unfortunately, I'm 5'3", which means a lot of my clothing is a mix of the boy's section and the men's section...so I head to the boys' section to pick up some undershirts and there's a mother and her 6 or 7-year old son sitting there...and both are staring at me like I'm a pedophile. Blatant staring, not just a glance or two...so I figure, ok, I'll relocate to the men's section for boxers I needed...and got pretty much the same reaction from an older man standing next to me. I've never felt 'comfortable' shopping for underwear (don't ask me why...) for any gender...but this was nerve-wracking.
I finally grab the crap I need and head up to the counter...and I pass as a guy, with the exception of today, where I had a very obvious "female" indicator...and I don't know what to think of this, because I could see the clerk was trying her damndest to not use any word that would denote gender, male or female. This was a little insulting but a little funny at the same time. She also refused to make eye contact the entire time.
Normally I'd consider parts about my body uncomfortable and awkward...it just seemed like today it was obvious to everyone. I know a part of that was me torturing myself in my mind, "oh god, they see me as a girl"...I subconsciously love causing myself anxiety.
WTB tit removal...and if possible, an extra 3-4 inches of height.
