What is the Fair and Loving thing to do?

[Owen]

I havent told anyone about my feelings. I don't know when I'll transition. I dont know if I ever will. Like many here I kept my feminine side locked up most of my life. I would cross dress when the mood struck me. However lately I have been dropping suptle hints by shaving  and sort off cross dressing. Trying to let my hair grow long. Right now I don't have the courage to just drop the bome to my family. I don't have any idea how any of them will react. I know I will have to come out with it sometime especially if I intend to transition.

Owen

Love being female

[Brianna]

Well. I must say - I am in a very different place. I've never married  but I have spent a lifetime dating around. Just from those relationships, hiding it has caused immense pain. I can only immagine how much more difficult it must be if you are married.

I have been nearly married twice. And both times, I told them before we walked down the isle. And both times the relationship ended. It was painful, but I am very happy in retrospect.

[Robyn]

You ask in the thread's title, "What is the Fair and Loving thing to do?"  I think the fair and loving thing to do on my part is to allow my wife, the person I love, to decide for herself if staying with me through this is something that she wants to do or not and, if not, to allow her to go even if it will destroy me in ways that I don't even want to or can imagine.  Will I fight for her?  Yes, of course!  But in the end I must let her go if that's what she needs to be happy.  And I think the fair and loving thing for her to do is to make that decision as soon as she can and as firmly as she can so that whatever happens, it is done with due consideration and conviction.

helen

Aye, Helen, I think you have come to two great truths:

1.  You are #1 and your wife is #1.  Each of you must do what is best for you.

2.  You have turned the problem over to a power outside yourself and have wisely decided not to be attached to the outcome.

That's not to say that you wouldn't be affected by the outcome, that you wouldn't grieve if you part.  You wouldl, and so would she. 

If part you must, part with love.  It eases the hurt, and it allows for future peaceful times together, be it a moment or a new lifetime of reconciliation. 

Bright blessings to all.

Robyn
Been there; done that;
have the T-shirt