Hi!

[Chaunte]

Hi!

My name is Chaunte Marie.

I first started to show my feminine side about 4 decades ago.  (Long time!)  And, based on what I have read online, I went through the usual guilt-trips, splurge & purge and self-denial that many (all?) of us have gone through.  The female side ofo my personality has always been a Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde situation.  I have always know that it was there but never admitted it to myself, let alone anyone else.

Then came Halloween 2003.....

I decided to go en fem to the party.  Yes, I told my wife.  While not supportive, she didn't say no.

I told my stylist to make me as passible as possible...and she did!  Hair.  Nails.  Make-up.  It was absolutely incredible!  I looked and felt like a typical overweight middle-aged woman!  For the first time, Ms. Hyde has a face and a voice!  Truly, I was born that day.

I was a hit at the party with the women.  The men ignored me.  And my wife didn't speak to me for 6 weeks, and then only in clipped phrases.

I will be starting therapy shortly.  Not to begin a transition process, but to figure out who this girl is!  Without knowing that, I can not have "the talk" with my wife about my existance.  (I believe that she suspects, but is in denial.)  Every scenerio I have come up with ends in a divorce, so I better be sure of who I am before I do anything else.

It's scary.  Coming out could easily cost me everything.  Not coming out could cost me my sanity.  Fortunately, I have several friends that i have come out to, and they have been wonderfully accepting, including my hair stylist.  In the meantime, I have slowly tweezed my brows so they have a more feminine arch.  My hair is now in a pony tail that reaches just past my shoulders.  And I would live to post my photo, but I haven't figured out how to upload from a disk.

To all my brothers and sisters who dance this gender-jig with me, I say God-speed you on your voyage of discovery!

Peace,

Chaunte

ps: Chaunte is French for a female singer.

[beth]

welcome Chaunte,

i agree it's best to discover who you are before making major life changes. therapy with someone who is an experienced transgender therapist will help immensly. reading about others and their experiences helps greatly too. you are welcome to share in our journey as well as share your own.





beth

[4years]

Hello Chaunte Marie, welcome to Susan's most wonderful Place

Finding ourselves and be quite and exciting journey and ultimately enlightening. I wish you much joy and happiness on your voyage of discovery

Please feel free to stay and join in on the conversations

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Chaunte.

Welcome and enjoy your stay here at Susan's.  Feel free to take part in the conversations, and start your own of course.  Therapy is definitely a good place to start.  It never hurts to talk that's for sure, it's one the most important things you can do.  Although you say that you suspect that your wife doesn't support this side of you, you will not know for sure until you talk to her.  You said that it's scary, but remember it's just as scary for your wife.  Give it time, therapy is a good place to start.

Steph

[Maura Hartman]

I was a hit at the party with the women.  The men ignored me.  And my wife didn't speak to me for 6 weeks, and then only in clipped phrases.

Welcome Chaunte! That response was sooo typical! Men are intimidated by those who cross gender lines, wives are horrified, feeling so disgraced in public since many wives derive much of their self esteem and public image from the man in their life. Other women just love it, because they can flirt with someone who has closed the gap of commonality between the two genders, but at the same time they are relieved that it's someone elses husband and not theirs who has come to the party enfemme. Good luck sister!

[Chaunte]

Thanks to all my sister for your kind words.  And please forgive me if I rambled.  I tend to do that, just ask my students!

I alaso want to thak all of you for sharing your own stories.  Before the internet, I truly believed that I was alone in this voyage.  Now, I know that we are not alone.  We have each other to laugh and cry with, and share this journey with.

[Cassandra]

Chaunte,

I always get around to things eventually. Welcome to Susan's. I  might point out there is another french phrase which sounds like your name(forgive the spelling). Aux chante, for, we are enchanted by your presence. Again welcome avail yourself of the resources. Make yourself a cup of tea or other relaxing beverage, sit down take your shoes off and set a spell.


Good Journey,


Cassie

[Shelley]

Welcome Chaunte,

I really think we miss out on a great opportunity to go out en femme by not having halloween down under. Perhaps I should start a movement.

Welcome Chaunte to this safe and lovely place to share the experiences of others and if you choose to share your own.

Shelley

[Kendall]

Welcome to Susans. You are safe to explore, share, and relate your experiences with us. Learn and see how deep the rabbit hole is, so to speak (Matrix analogy).