Hiya everybody

[Bexxi]

Hi Girls and Guys, well where to start    im a mtf ts  and still living life as a male    i always knew from when i could remember i wanted to be female , i am now 29 years old and have had enough , i just have to be the female i always knew i was but the problem is i have two young gorgeous children who are not even old enough to understand and a totally gorgeous genuine girlfriend .
    The problem being she justs wants a normal life which i can totally understand , i told her about my problem a few months ago and she took it very well ( i have never shook so much in my life ) oh  , and this was after quite a few glasses of wine 
Anyways i just do not know what to do , lose everything and be who i want to be or be the perfect family man and pretend that i never mentioned anything to my partner , i know i will never be happy as who i am , there is not a day gone past since i was about six that i have not thought about my GID but i want to do right by my family , i never had a father so i know what it is like so it makes me want to do whats right , and for my children to have what i never had ( my father was an a**hole ) but i love my Children more than anything and also my partner , i am totally torn  i thought the family life would maybe sort my issues out but it has not .

Anyways , nice to be here and hope to be around for quite some time 

[LordKAT]

greetings and welcome to a whoel lot of people with similar issues. Come on in and join the crowd.

[Debra]

Wow welcome to the forums. Your story is much like mine.

I'm still living as a man as well and my wife knew from the moment I started exploring these feelings and she didn't like it.

I'm essentially at the same spot in my life (but no kids , little easier) trying to decide whether I could stand to live with this buried inside me somehow or whether I can bear to part with my beautiful and loving wife.

Others have said there are other options but the only things I've heard involve crossdressing and some kind of reparative therapy. I have done both and I don't believe either will be helpful for me.

[aisha]

hey first of all welcome to the community here! it is quite the place, as i'm sure u've notice 
and congrats on coming out to your girlfriend, I think 90 times out of 100 its a really long and intense journey, remaking your identity in some ways, but the only thing we can really do follow our heart, I mean who can just settle for an unhappy life? but happiness can come from many things, still you've got to do what you have to do, and maybe it will be better for everyone in the end, thats how I look at it, the feeling is there for a reason, maybe its just a journey we are meant to go through.

i don't think, your transitioning would necessarily be bad for your kids, I mean you are female at heart anyways right? but you can still play a fatherly role, just like you have been doing, just like lesbian couples do when they raise kids. I don't know much about raising families though, but the world is so big...

anyways

hugs, welcome bexxi!

[Dana Lane]

Welcome to the forums! I'm sure there are a lot of people here you can talk to.  I don't have any kids (that I am aware of ) and am happily divorced years ago.

[Bexxi]

  Well thankyou for your kind words everyone , Jerica , hi , i know exactly how you feel , crossdressing or therapy is just a no go , i want to fall asleep as a female and wake up as one 
    And Aisha , i know 110% in my heart i am female and no doubt i will follow it , as most of you will know it is a risk but i think it is a gamble i have to take , i have been putting these feelings off for far too long now and imagine i will transistion one day no matter what , i just want to start this journey now but i will always have that doubt in the back of my mind , what could of been  for my own little family . 

Anyways thanks again for making me feel welcome and im sure i will be posting quite a bit more , you all seem lovely .

Bexxi
     

[Deanna_Renee]

Welcome to Susan's Bexxi,

In some ways I envy you for having a loving wife and children and also am sorry. I myself have never had a relationship and had fought off accepting that I am a woman for 47 years. Now I am out and starting along the path to freedom. I won't have anyone to take along on my trip or to hurt in the process. Both can be blessings and both can be curses.

If the children are young enough and your partner is accepting enough it may work that transitioning could be the best thing. Young children are so much more accepting of things, when treated with love, than as they get older and learn of prejudices. You are in a difficult place, but you are now among a new family and there are many who are in a better position to give advice than I. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. 

Deanna

[K8]

Welcome to Susan's, Bexxi.  This is a good place to learn and explore.

You may not need therapy to discover you are really female, but it might help you to decide how to proceed with your family.  I've always found it helpful to talk to others about my issues, especially to someone who is not involved and is trained to ferret out what I can't figure out on my own.

And, as Deanna and Aisha said, young children can be very accepting when treated with honesty and love.

Good luck on discovering the path that works for you.

- Kate

[Bexxi]

Thankyou Deanna and good luck on your new journey  you do make a lot of sense , i know that as living as a female me and my partner could never be together , she just does not want it , having said that she would support me and let me have the freedom of seeing my children obviously with a lot of hurdles but i just have to do it    K8 , thankyou also for your comments ,i just hope my children do accept me , it is my biggest worry , also i have made an appointment today to see my doctor so lets just see how things map out for now    i will keep you all posted on how things go 

Bexxi