This is MY opinion only - others might differ
Probably best to go and talk to a gender-therapist, someone who can help lead you to the answers within yourself.
You haven't
ever cross-dressed? .... wow, I'd GUESS that was actually a bit unusual - I think most of us have been sneaking around in frocks since we were infants.
Thing is....... if you never open the scary door and see what's behind it, you'll never know just how big it is.
Although there are many common traits and aspects, Gender Dysphoria comes in a whole lot of different shapes and sizes.
Total suppression can often have the effect of bottling up the pressure, letting it build up and up.....
You MAY find that if you actually had an outlet and were able to express the aspects of your internal femininity, the power of the overall drive might slack off a bit....... you MIGHT find that with the outlet of dressing and acting as a woman for regular short periods (->-bleeped-<-) you become happy enough and that the urge to follow the transsexual route is not essential for you.
- bear in mind that of even the confirmed transsexuals, many do not go all the way, some do not even live full time in-role.
Until you've explored a little you have no real way of knowing so I think that one way or another you're going to need to jump in and find out just how deep the water is.
