I do understand too what u r going thru. The guilt I have felt for most of my life has been this related. Only when I would push it aside for days/weeks/months/ and once even a year, made the guilt lighter. Only recently I have excepted who I am and trusting Gods Grace in my life. I have been a Christian most of my life and been involved in church as well as my own singing ministry.
So that area has been tuff, but I thank God so much cause he loves us for who we are....
We have to hang in there and trust His Grace............Christy E