Quote from: Robyn on September 19, 2009, 11:38:45 AM
Emelye will probably try to recruit you for wiki staff, but come on over to Chat and check us out. We have at least three regional/national activists on Chat staff : Emelye, Marti and me. And Susan pops in frequently. You might enjoy helping the members and visitors who frequent our little home.
Congrats on the recent surgery. That will keep you busy for awhile. 
Robyn
I think Emelye was trying to recruit me like a year ago before I ever joined. Actually I may have had an account here before but I never posted with it and I can't figure out what the username might have been. I've been "foruming" for many, many years -- in fact it was a web forum that played a large part in my finally being able to become true to myself, which ultimately led to transition. Long story I may share some time. When I first started transition, I found that most transgender forums, while they could be helpful with the technical things, fell short when it came to things like emotional and moral support. Too much "Our Way Or The Highway" mentality, cattiness and such. I found myself a small circle of friends and looked to them for most of my moral and emotional support.
Transition is a tough thing to accomplish and each individual really has to find their own way. Unfortunately I have seen and experienced over and over again where accomplished transitioners will criticize "newbies" for not doing things their way and peck them to death. For example, I got criticized over and over again for my method of voice training. I was told it would never work, that I should buy DVD's, that I was only going to damage my vocal cords, that I sounded bad, yada yada. Despite the criticism, I stuck to my method, which was just a compilation of things I gleaned from others and some ideas of my own. The end result is that I accomplished my goal despite the criticism. I doubt very seriously any of those who tried to force me to conform to their ways of doing things would criticize my voice now, a year and a half later.
I got the same thing when I went full time, over an issue with bathrooms where I worked. I made a compromise in order to keep the peace with my fellow female employees. The compromise, which was simply to use bathrooms made for other office space a few hundred feet away for a few months until my female coworkers became comfortable with my presence, worked well for me, yet I drew almost vitriolic criticism for doing so. I was told to "stand up for my rights" and if I didn't I was hurting those who would come up behind me in transitioning in the workplace. Well, my compromise was my idea, and partially because *I* didn't feel all that comfortable sharing a bathroom with my female co-workers just yet. I had to get used to sharing a bathroom with people I knew so well for so long. It worked well for me, yet I was criticized for not doing it someone else's way.
So that is why I have avoided forums for a long time now. You'll note that I mostly post things to encourage people in what they are doing, and if I offer advice or insight it is qualified with something like "JMO" (Just my opinion), "IMO" (In my opinion) or "YMMV" (Your mileage may vary). I don't pretend to know everything and along the way I have learned a LOT, but everyone's situation is different. Aside from that, any serious matter in one's life is best left to qualified, compatible psychiatric help and best not left to be determined or persuaded by the opinions of anonymous users of a message board.
That said, I in no way meant to sound critical of this forum or any other. To the contrary I think boards have their place. They are a very good stepping stone and a wealth of information and can be VERY helpful if done right, and this seems to be among the best. Pre-op I had too many of my own emotional issues to deal with to really be truly helpful to others outside of my own circle. I was extremely unhappy being pre-op and the goal of becoming post-op pretty much consumed most of my thoughts and the emotional energy I had left after family and work matters. Now I am post-op and I feel I can once again focus on others more than myself. I think the biggest thing I've learned along this path, thanks to many in my journey, is compassion for others, no matter where they are in their journey or where they are going.
Sorry for the chundering. You'll find I do that often.
~Ceili
