How Important Is Changing The World to TGs?

[Julie Marie]

Susan's is probably the most active TG forum on the net and probably has the most members.  So it's pretty safe to use what we see here as a barometer for the prevalent attitude TGs have.

When I look at the most active threads, the ones with the most replies and views, it seems game types comes up on top.  At the other end is personal types.  But what is surprising to me is how low Activism falls in this spectrum.

Back in June, I posted "Getting Ma'amed Without Getting Glammed" and expected a few replies and several views.  As of today it has 148 replies and over 3000 views!  I barely participated in it because the issue doesn't have lasting interest to me.  But apparently it does to others.

The basis behind that thread is going out in society and being seen as your female self.  No funny looks, no snide remarks, just walking out the door and putting about the same effort into your presentation as any other woman does.  In other words, your presence out in the world didn't create any ripples.

If the world was just as accepting of us as the leaves on a tree, that thread would have never even been created, let alone generate any interest.  The only way to make the world more tolerant is to be out there and become a common figure.  But that takes time and lots of involved people.

Being active in promoting non-discriminatory laws and protections can alleviate the fears of many and encourage them to get out earlier rather than waiting for the social tide to change.  But when it comes to issues like ENDA, there seems to be very little activity in those threads.  Why?

What I don't understand is, if it is so important to be accepted in society, why aren't there more people at least talking about it?  Maybe I'm missing something.  Maybe my observations are flawed, but in general, that's what I see here and what I've seen on every TG related forum I've ever been involved in.

Am I blind or do the majority of TGs not care or not want to get involved in promoting a positive social image for us?

Julie

[finewine]

It's always been easier for people to complain than actually do something about it.  That's not unique to TG - it's pretty universal, even in the office!

Activists have always been a minority; it takes resolute determination, commitment and passion - and usually a fair amount of self-sacrifice.  Of course, this refers to real activists, not some random dweeb spitting feathers to the choir from the parapets of their online blog.

(And honestly, I admit that for all my strong opinions, I'm too lazy to pull my arse out of my chair and actually go talk to my local minister of parliament - I hang my head in shame).

[Miniar]

I think it's because, at the end of the day, we just want to be "men and women" in the eyes of the world.
A trans-man/woman who is out in the open, drawing attention to their trans-history in order to display that he/she is a normal "inspite" of said history, will be seen as trans first and man/woman later (and there's no guarantee they'll see the right one either).
It's a pretty big thing to ask someone to do.

[MaggieB]

Being an activist has it's risks.  There is no possibility of stealth after that. It requires a degree of self confidence that is far above the norm.  Now given the abuse and guilt piled on most of us,  chatting up trans rights is not easy to do because it opens us up to more scrutiny.  The activist's personal appearance and life style are instantly subject to criticism.  How well does she pass? What is the state of her surgery?  OMG, she lives with a man, she must have been a flaming gay man before...  Look at that hair, she isn't a real woman, no woman would go out looking like that...

I considered my level of activism and settled on my blog, my Facebook page and my books.  I give out free copies to people I meet who want to know more about the issue.  Some have read it and say that they understand transgender people better.   

I'm writing my second book to highlight what it was like to be trans or intersexed in 1906 and comparing it to the almost equal level of ignorance of today. 

All that said, I still don't like to go to marches or gay pride events and I certainly won't be giving interviews to the local paper.  No, I'll be fine with remote activism, it is safer.

Maggie

[myles]

For me it has more to do with the way people respond to such threads, political ones.  I do a lot of political activism for various causes including LGBT but do not post on the threads here. Some of it may be people like myself that do thier activism off board.
Myles
Who has spent the last 20+ years actively fighting for gay rights.

[Miniar]

I, personally, don't feel like I know enough to become a "spoaksperson" in any way and since I would loathe to have someone "uninformed" speaking on my behalf, I don't feel I can do it on the behalf of others. I do try and inform people of "my" situation, and I copypasta a lot of news links that are relevant on the subject, hoping to draw attention to the issues at hand, and I work with my political party to an extent as well.
Maybe later, when I have less "stuff" to deal with, I'll do more.

[LordKAT]

change the world? important yes. All I can do is work on my little piece of it. somehow posting here isn't going to affect the views of the people whose attitudes I  need to change as the people here are already aware and for equal rights. How would talking about it and posting here teach the rest of the world?

[Sandy]

Being an activist has it's risks.  There is no possibility of stealth after that.

The activist's personal appearance and life style are instantly subject to criticism.  How well does she pass? What is the state of her surgery?  OMG, she lives with a man, she must have been a flaming gay man before...  Look at that hair, she isn't a real woman, no woman would go out looking like that...

All that said, I still don't like to go to marches or gay pride events and I certainly won't be giving interviews to the local paper.  No, I'll be fine with remote activism, it is safer.

Maggie

When I came out at work, there was no way I could be stealth at all anyway.  I had worked with most of my co-workers for years prior to my coming out so I decided that I would be the go-to girl when it came to trans information.  My bio in the company which is available to the entire staff describes me as trans (and has the picture I use as my avatar).

It's been a couple of years since I came out and there have been some questions from people about transgender information so I hosted a seminar that was recorded and available to the company called "Coming Out as Transgendered".

I have become old news but I am an activist inside the company and a part of the LGBT committee.  Though I sometimes feel that I am "playing it safe" because my company and the state I live in are both committed to equal opportunities so there is little that I risk in being out.

I hope that because of what I do that it makes a difference in some small way.

-Sandy

[Suzy]

I think each of us has our sphere of influence and we approach it in the best way we can.  I have always preferred a relational approach.

Kristi

[Nicky]

I've never really been an activist type of person. But I feel like I am doing my part by just being openly myself and talking about it with everyone I can. I've noticed on a small scale that those around me often become more comfotable talking accross gender boundaries - particulalry men start talking about grooming products, hair removal, relationships. I feel like I make it permissive for them. I guess this creates small ripples of change.

I think I am more effective at a micro level. I can't do much for people in africa and don't care too, but I do care about people within my circle of influence.

Also sometimes we are not capable of activisim untill we sort out own 'house' out. A lot of us have not gotten that far yet. I suspect a lot of people that use forums like these are mostly those that are still involved in their journey or are stuck on the path - activisim probably does not seem like a priority.

[Alyssa M.]

I'm with Kristi onthe relational approach.

But I agree that this forum can often seem overly dedicated to superficialities. And I recognize that I contribute to that myself. I think the reason is that the political stuff can get to be really painful sometimes, and there tends to be a lot of emotion and infighting. Meanwhile, day-to-day personal struggles are something we pretty much all share, and are often more difficult to discuss with friends. My personal difficulty with my self-image just isn't something that most of my non-trans friends can really relate to, and not something I generally find useful to discuss with them. The political stuff that can get so charged within trans communities, however, is easier to discuss with them.

[Mister]

I have have tons of interest to change the world, but TG issues aren't my thing.  Aside from activism in the voting booth, I'll leave that fight to the poster children.

[MaggieB]

I feel the pressure when I am with cisgendered people to represent transgendered folk in the best ways possible.  Those who know of my male bodied past often are more attentive to me than they were before. I am sort of a curiosity to them which makes me sensitive to be pleasant and approachable.  Many will ask me "So how is it going?" and of course that means to tell them how my life living as a woman is working out.  I don't take offense and give them the most deflective but meaningful answer that I can come up with.  They don't mean to pry but they do seem to have some belief that my life is to be a bit of an open book to them. That separates me from being truly in the group and it is difficult to deal with sometimes.

Maggie

[Bombi]

I'm defineitely a political activist but my cause is safe access to medical cannabis and decriminalization. I do however respond to anyone who has questions about TG and gender shifting. I live in the Caribbean and there are LBGT issues but we are such a minority that we don't threaten the status quo. When I give my moralaity rap about med MJ I always reference the relation to sexuality and gender. So in a offensive manner I am promoting diversity on a " oh by the way" course.

[Nero]

I'm still on the fence concerning this. It's not that it's not important to me, but is it more important than just being seen as an ordinary guy? I don't know. I don't want to be 'transman Joe' but 'Joe, the man who just happens to be trans'.

[Tammy Hope]

Well, there was a time in my life when I wanted to "make a difference" and i concluded, after a time, that few paid much attention to my views and that the world was moving in the direction it was moving despite whatever I could or would do, so for the most part, I got very cynical and pretty much quit trying.
I still argue about "issues" more than I would like to but more often I'm arguing about the nature of the argument than actually addressing the overall point. (i.e. someone using an inaccurate or irrelevant claim to support their position)
Honestly though, I hate myself for being even weak enough to give in to that temptation. For the most part, my philosophy is more "who cares baby?" in the last few years.

That said, I really don't envision - at this point - being really concerned about whether or not I am "stealth" at some point and wouldn't be shy at all about - for instance - being interviewed for the paper or addressing a panel discussion or whatever.

I just don't have any particular passion for it.

Similar to what Kristy said (at least I think it is) it seems to me that we each of us make more difference in the world by living out our lives and letting the world see that we are not the "freaks" they might have been led to believe.

I do not begrudge any woman her stealth cover, but it is still true that women who are actually able to be stealth would do us a world of good by letting the world around them know that being trans doesn't mean being "abnormal"

Right now, I'm just operating on the assumption that I go out my door not making any effort to hide or be sneaky about my transition and put the responsibility on those around me to recognize that I'm not hurting anything by doing so.
Perhaps in so doing, that will be a small effort to "change the world"

[mmelny]

I'm right along the lines that Sandy and Nicky put down.  I'm not out soliciting newspaper articles on the "trans woman that could", but I'm out in the workplace, the community, and frankly everywhere I go. 

I transitioned in a fortune 500 sized company, and *hopefully* have been a stalwart example of what being transgendered means.   There is absolutely no possibility of stealth in my workplace, for over 10 years I presented as male there, and then one day, I did not.   (well, part of a planned transition with total VP and upper management buy-in).   Almost on a daily basis, I talk with people that knew me from prior, and get the explanation of name change, and when meeting, have been nothing but gracious, and within 22 seconds or so of 'first' re-meeting me, we are back to business as usual.   But every single day I head to work, I'm an activist.  I speak openly about the issues if people ask them, and if I see an issue, I address it.   

I have a brochure published by the Human Rights Code folks, labeled "Transgender in the Workplace", posted on my tackboard, ready to take down and present if ever needed if some nuance is needed to talk about in regards to my legal protection / status in my working condition.   It's gathered dust.  And yes, I realize I'm luckier then most. 

But, to the point, being out, being honest and frank (or francine ) , and being who you are is one of the best things that each of us can do, IMO.    I understand the reasons for those trans folk that choose to go stealth, and you have my blessing, but that really isn't an option for me, nor do I care so much, as I have come to accept that this is a part of me that I carry, and embrace, and those that encounter me, see and know this through my confidence, and comfort level.   (*usually, we all have our moments, eh? )

I've also decided that giving something back is a part of me.  I attended a trans-activist workshop awhile back, and began seeking opportunities to just be out there.   I've registered with a youth trans mentoring program, and recently became approved, and will be attending another training program to be a facilitator for a drop-in program for trans persons.   It really feels good to give back, so many came before us, and will come after. 

Blabbering on...  but yes, what others have said, life is hard for us, why not just blend in once our path gets us there?   It's easier for some then others, but you cannot blame someone that transitions, and just wants to live a 'normal' life, more then likely, they've already paid a price along their life path.   I will never ever tell a person that has successfully made it through transition, and can and does go stealth,  that what they are doing is wrong.   What they are doing is sooo right..... for them.   Live and let live, To each their own, etc.

*smoochies*.
Melan



   

[tekla]

I work on a local scale to try to make things better.  Changing the world seems too huge, and I have to admit I don't really care about most of it.  But what I can do on a local scale, to change the law, to provide support and outreach, and create and put on events - then I do that.

[Julie Marie]

You know what?  I have a confession to make.  Until I transitioned things like activism weren't even on my radar screen.

Imagine this: A man is on the street asking for help.  He is a war veteran and says he was kidnapped by the Taliban and held for three years and was beaten so badly he can no longer walk.  Can you help him across the street?

For those who have never lived through what he went through, some, maybe many, would say they don't have time.  But I'll bet every person who lived through anything even close to what he did would drop everything to help him and ask if they could do more.

That's how I see the difference in my attitude then and now.  The rejection, discrimination, prejudice, intolerance and most amazing, the total 180 loved ones do on you is just as shocking as realizing there are people who would just as soon kill you as look at you.  Once you've been on the front lines, everything changes.

It seems many, if not all, who go full time eventually leave the forums, the meetings, the seminars.  I used to think that was counterproductive because those up and coming could benefit greatly from their help.  But now I'm beginning to understand they needed to put their energies into living their life and dealing with having an opposite gendered past.  It's nothing like what I thought it would be.  I can at least say that.

But when your needs change, as they do after transition, you have to move on because the people who haven't transitioned have a different need than you do, the need you no longer have.

I feel I have this calling now.  There's an unfulfilled need inside me that I need to fill.  It's a void that I can't ignore.  I want to make a difference.  I'm full time but I'll never be stealth.  Nor do I want to be a poster child.  More and more I'm being me and I'm finding as long as I like who I am, people will respond to that, not to my past.

It may not change the world but it's a start.

Julie

[Mister]

It's probably sad to say, Julie, but if I helped every down and out vet across the street, it'd take me an hour to get anywhere.