Her body language......I saw it and knew

[Northern Jane]

I have been around this old word a long time, 24 years pre, 35 post and the vast majority of people are so wrapped up in their own little world that they don't bother trying to "read" others - that's a trans thing.

Cis-people know who and what they are and for the most part don't bother to try to act a certain way or move a certain way or use particular inflections. Whether 4'6" or 6'6", skinny as a rail or the size of a house, they know their gender, they know their sex, and they don't care what Joe Blow on the street thinks.

Now tran people seem to feel the need to pick everybody else apart, look for "tells" etc. and feel that if they mask the tells and act a certain way, follow a particular script, mime certain actions, they will "pass" as the opposite sex but they miss the essence and can be little more than actors because they don't have "the core identity".

For a girl/woman the core is built on KNOWING your a girl and you don't have to prove anything, oestrogen has already done "the wiring". Children, youth, and even adults socialize where they are comfortable and at ease and that is "among their own" - girls grow up learning from other girls, boys from boys, and that socializing and learning shapes one's personality around that core identity.

"Normal people" don't go around thinking how they should move, how they should talk, etc. - it just all comes naturally - and it is the overall impression that other (non-trans) people "read" subconsciously and in an instant. Anything that seems scripted or forced stands out like a flashing beacon and may attract greater scrutiny.

For someone changing their social sex, the more of your previous mind-set that you retain, the less you will "pass" because that comes through all the time. If you want to BE a woman, forget everything you know or thought you knew and immerse yourself in the world of women, become a child again, change "the core" and rebuild on the new core.

[heatherrose]

My daughter is 5'8 with size 11 feet, fwiw.

DAADDY

...the vast majority of people are so wrapped up in their own little world
that they don't bother trying to "read" others - that's a trans thing.

This, yes very much so, this!

[FairyGirl]

One of my friends is 170cm tall, bigger hands than mine.. and not by little it seems and she is shoe size 42 EU which I think is about 10 US?

my favourite sandals are size 42 EU I think it's more like a 10.5/11

[MaggieB]

Several years ago, I was on a BART rapid transit train and was sitting in the rear facing seat.  I saw a late twenties looking blond haired gal come in and sit facing me about half the car back.  She was dressed in tight fitting jeans, a pink camisole and white running shoes.  Her features were ever so slightly mannish as was her mannerisms but not so much that anyone noticed but me. 

Now, she may or may not have been trans but for me she was and at the time, I was still fighting transition.  I was dressed in male looking women's clothes and sported a long pony tail.  I looked more outrageous than the woman ever did.  It was my delusion at the time that I could dress this way and still pass as a male. Sure, a flaming gay one, but I didn't realize that.  I was getting some very odd looks from people.   

I sat there staring at this woman while she read a book.  She never noticed me but as I watched an idea came to me that I could look like her.  I realized that I wanted to live my life like she was, as a woman.  She was clearly comfortable in her appearance and actually was attractive.   It was a turning point for me, as I never could bring myself to deal with being trans.  No therapy no doctor but I was doing DIY HRT.  I had one foot in and one out.   The next day, I told my wife that I am a woman and was going to live as one. 

All hell broke loose but several years later, I still think about that woman who was the spark who flipped me over.  I'll never know her name but I am grateful.

Maggie

[wabbit2]

Now tran people seem to feel the need to pick everybody else apart, look for "tells" etc.

For someone changing their social sex, the more of your previous mind-set that you retain, the less you will "pass" because that comes through all the time. If you want to BE a woman, forget everything you know or thought you knew and immerse yourself in the world of women, become a child again, change "the core" and rebuild on the new core.

First paragraph (edited); its not just Trans people that pick people apart - it's quite a common trait in people, I don't think we should make this out as a character fault of trans people.

I like the second paragraph as it's so true.  Everybody pays more attention to someone who appears nervous or scared.  Certainly hard to contain those nerves for most in the early days of being who you are in the bright glare of the world.

Since I associate with the lesbian community and am married to a wonderful woman; I see all sides of woman in the community I belong to.  There is many generalisations of what it means to be a woman but the truth is being yourself is the element that will always shine through.