How We Sabotage Young Girls

[tekla]

I began asking largely middle-class groups of girls to describe how society expected a Good Girl to look and act. Here is a sample response:

Blue eyes
Honorable
Respectful
Little girl
Tons of friends
Always busy
Quiet
Polite
Organized
Perfect
Enthusiastic
Flirtatious
Sheltered
Generous
Skinny
Good grades
Kind
Speaks well
Studies
Boyfriend
Follows the rules
No opinions on things
Intelligent
Doesn't get mad
Well rounded
Conservative
Healthy
Follower
Popular
Average
Preppy
Wealthy
Barbie
Has to do everything right
Athletic
Confident
Natural hair
Perfect attendance
Doesn't show skin
Listens
Façade never cracks
High expectations
Honest
People pleaser

The Good Girl was socially and academically successful, smart and driven, pretty and kind. But she was also an individual who aimed to please (people pleaser), toed the line (no opinions on things) and didn't take risks (follows the rules). She repressed what she really thought (doesn't get mad) and did not handle her mistakes with humor (has to do everything right).



Our culture's mixed feelings about girl power emerge most clearly in girls' descriptions of "Bad Girls":

Piercings
Doesn't care about her body
Steals
Dyed hair
Tough attitude
Dark hair
Artistic
Punk
Jelly bracelets
Doesn't plan long-term
Proud
Dark clothes
Dramatic dress
Arguing
Doesn't care what people think
Loud
Rule breaker
Selfish
Backtalking
Parties
Speaks her mind
Foul mouth
Eye makeup
Obnoxious
No respect for self or others
Fights
Center of attention
Cheats
Rebel
Loud music
Lies
Slut

The Bad Girl was the picture of female failure, a reckless rejection of femininity, everything a girl was told not to be. She was the odd girl out with a bad reputation, low to no status, and few friends.

Yet she was also independent and authentic. The Bad Girl was outspoken (speaks her mind) and self-possessed (proud), a risk taker (rule breaker) and critical thinker (artistic, rebel, doesn't care what people think). She was comfortable being in charge (center of attention). But she was nothing if not an outcast, an example to Good Girls of what happened when you strayed from the program. Being Bad was social suicide: a big, red F in Girl.

So despite the age of girl power, attitudes are slow to change. Go on, we seem to be telling girls, but not too far, and at your own risk. Buckle down, but don't speak up. Debate your peers in class, but be "nice" about it. Be something, but not too much.

http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/142330/how_we_sabotage_young_girls

[Julie Marie]

Hmmmmm..... Social expectations.  Kinda sounds familiar. 

Maybe we need to write a book so everyone knows how they are supposed to act.

Julie

[tekla]

I thought most people think that book is the Bible, good for nomadic shepherds thousands of years ago, good for you now.

[Julie Marie]

The Koran works pretty good too.

[tekla]

No doubt, I use mine as a doorstop, and that door don't move no how.

[Ellieka]

No doubt, I use mine as a doorstop, and that door don't move no how.

kat, I love you! I needed a laugh today.

No disrespect meant for anyone's religious persuasion, just though it was funny.

I do think it's interesting though that if a male exhibits the former traits he is seen as week, gay, timid, and undependable. But if he exhibits the later traits he is respected as some one who is in control and strong.   

[Inphyy]

I guess by some of these descriptions of an Bad Girl, I guess I am one! Ohhh baby baby! 

[Silver]

Yeah, it feels like brainwash when you're raised female. I didn't have it so bad, but I really do wonder how many women realize these expectations and what they represent (feminists I guess). Are they just deliberately ignoring them? I'm too uncomfortable around women for the most part to ask, and teenage girls aren't the best people to ask anyway.

Repressive sex roles aren't completely in the past, they're just less talked about.

Can't believe being artistic is a "negative" quality.

SilverFang

[Syne]

From the title I thought it was going to be about that fireworks incident a few years ago.

I was found innocent! I am innocent I tells ya!

[eshaver]

Ya know , now I know why I have made so many enemies here in the city where I grew up ! Yes kids , it's on a count of mee being totally honest , speaking my mind and not letting others walk over me . Ive been called Racist , Hatemonger and several other four letter words. Ive been run out of support groups because I will say what I mean and mean what I say too. Do you think I really care at this point ?    Ellen Shaver