Hello!
My name is Phillip. You may wonder why such a young member is joining susans. As being a male kid I've always wanted and felt that I was a girl.
When I was about 3, I started noticing I rather played with girls more often, including their dolls etc. I never had a passion like the others boys with, let's say, soccer, action man and a whole lot several things they usually played with. I did have alot of actions mans, cars and soccer balls but I never actually played with them, other than just showing them to show boys how I was and acted like them.
As I grew up I created this huge interest for make up. I would polish my nails, and makeup my whole face. I even think my mom caught me sometimes but I never thought she actually figured out how I felt.
After all this makeup extravaganza, I decided it was better for me to stay as stealth as possible, but, I still couldn't stop playing with dolls, makeup'eing me and others as inside I saw myself as being a girl and not how my body showed me being, a boy.
I then began to become more stealth and studied my class mates alot in order to pass as being one of them. I've done, said alot of things I regret and that I would slap myself many times if I ever did them again. I've been very depressed lately as I know I am transgendered and have GID, but I can not tell it to anyone as I would be jeopardized and excluded from society, beaten up etc.
My class's just started 2 days ago and I rather hang withbthe girls other than the boys. Were always talking about anything and I don't think they even notice because I think they are actually glad they have a boy who they can talk with about anything, even though I don't identify myself as being one. I've actually reached the point where I no longer care and wish to be acknowledge as being a female. I've told 4 friends and am in the process of telling my mom, as I never wished and no longer want to waste more time of my life being something I am not and that I don't seek for myself.
My friends said it was ok and that they would still be my friends no matter what. I've been researching for therapists , procedures, surgeries and I actually kinda have "everything planed" on how I want to live my life. I'm looking foward to tell my mom next week.
Yesterday she approached me and asked if I was sad or depressed.. I felt like telling her, but at the same time something told me it was not the right moment to.
As being a current male in puberty, I must say I hate every day that passes by more and more. I had defined hips and boobs but their driving away every day that pass's, driving me as well, more depressed about my phisical aspects.
But I hope, that when I tell my mom she accepts me and allows me to visit therapists in order to get more informed and eventually help to proceed my life transitioning as even being young, I've decided transitioning is what I wish for and want at whatever cost to transition.
I crossdress and makeup barely every day now and still I feel it's not enough. That's one of the main reasons I decided to transition as such an young age. After writing this, I might even go tell my mom...
So as I say hello, I seek for help and guindance, support and many others I know this community can provide me with. This is preety much young years of my life, and with this I end my introduction.
